The Wheels Are Coming Off the MAGA Bus

There’s dissent among the ranks and the wheels are coming off the MAGA bus because no one can agree on how to proceed in Iran? Say it ain’t so Adolf!

Turns out when your foreign policy is dictated by memes, conspiracies, and the mood swings of a cult leader, coherence gets left behind at the gas station.

You’d think the Trump regime—sorry, administration—would be thrilled to have a new distraction. What better than an international powder keg to rally the base, reassert “strength,” and maybe sneak a few emergency powers through the back door while everyone’s focused on the Middle East? But no. Instead of goose-stepping in unison, they’re squabbling like reality show contestants trying to decide who gets to be the villain this week.

Some MAGA surrogates are pounding the table for swift military action—airstrikes, sanctions, cyberattacks, you name it. Iran is the new boogeyman of the week, and they’ve dusted off their “axis of evil” talking points like it’s 2003. These are the same keyboard warriors and right-wing pundits who never met a war they didn’t want to outsource to someone else’s kid. They want blood, but preferably not theirs.

Meanwhile, another camp is desperately trying to cosplay as the rational wing. They insist Trump 2.0 should “focus on America first”—because, shockingly, they’ve realized that another Middle Eastern entanglement might complicate things, especially when you’re busy using ICE to strike terror into the hearts of domestic enemy combatants (a.k.a. Democrats), rounding up immigrants, and packing the courts with loyalist judges. You can’t stage-manage a nationwide crackdown and a foreign conflict without stretching even MAGA logistics. Multitasking was never exactly their strength.

And Trump? He’s ping-ponging between both camps like a wind-up doll with broken wiring. One day it’s “maximum pressure,” the next it’s “I’ve always admired the Persian people.” He’s issuing bold proclamations on Truth Social one minute, then blaming everyone else for “fake leaks” the next. His base is left trying to square the circle: Is Iran the enemy? Or are they misunderstood victims of Obama’s shadowy deep-state legacy? Or maybe both?

Of course, the contradictions don’t stop there. Within the GOP, the division is starting to show. Neocon retreads are climbing out of the crypt, demanding decisive action and whispering ghost stories about “credibility” and “deterrence.” But the newer nationalist wing—those who think they can slap a Punisher skull on foreign policy—isn’t interested in traditional warfare. They prefer their enemies vague, foreign, and ideally unarmed: migrants at the border, journalists, librarians, PTA moms.

And the Democrats? Don’t worry, they’re having their own identity crisis. Some are urging caution, demanding Congressional approval before any action—because they just now remembered that war powers exist. Others are too busy trying not to look “soft on terror,” and issuing carefully worded statements that manage to say absolutely nothing. The Biden wing, for all its talk of diplomacy and international norms, helped create the policy vacuum Trump is now exploiting.

So here we are. The MAGA machine is showing signs of internal combustion, and for once, it’s not from setting democracy on fire.

The same people who chant “America First” are split on whether to bomb a sovereign nation or just tweet threats until someone takes them seriously. The generals are cautious, the MAGA media is bloodthirsty, and Trump himself is too busy playing pretend-commander-in-chief from the golf course to offer a coherent vision. It’s foreign policy via tantrum—and now the factions can’t decide whose tantrum should take precedence.

The real danger? One of these factions might win. If the hawks push hard enough, we could stumble into conflict simply because the loudest voices on Fox & Friends said it was time. Or if the isolationists get their way, we’ll disengage just enough to let things spiral completely out of control—while still claiming we’re “in charge” of global affairs.

There’s no plan. Just posturing. No strategy. Just ego. And no unity. Just a bus full of angry children, screaming over each other while the driver tweets about crowd sizes and imaginary enemies.

So yes, the wheels are coming off. And the rest of us? We’re strapped to the roof rack, hoping the damn thing crashes before it does any more damage.