The Ethicist - If Donald Trump Does Something I Agree With, Do I Need to Change My Stance on that Issue?

Dear Ethicist,

My father worked for a small, unprestigious government agency, and often talked of the absenteeism, favoritism, and corruption that was rife amongst the middle management there.

At the same time, I also think Trump is generally a disgusting man, with many horrid qualities.

If Trump implements cost-cutting within the Federal Government, should I change my stance and support wasteful spending and increased lack of oversight?

PS: Since Trump favors Putin so much, I'm hoping German tanks cross the Volga and roll on Moscow, to finish the job they failed to do last time, and defeat the barbarians of the East.

- Conflicted in Cincinnati

From the Ethicist:

You describe your father's tenure in a “small, un-prestigious” government agency, where absenteeism and kickbacks were as common as water cooler gossip. This, you imply, is the natural state of bureaucracy: a sprawling ecosystem of inefficiency, where middle managers bloom like mushrooms in the damp, unlit corners of oversight. Yet, you also express disdain for Donald Trump, a man whose qualities you find “disgusting” and “horrible.” (A sentiment shared by many, though perhaps not articulated with such restraint.)

It is important, that as an individual, you are consistent in your beliefs and opposition systems. 

Jesus promoted forgiveness, therefore, I, as an atheist naturally favor eternal vengeance against people who have committed moral transgressions. This is the correct position for anyone who favors moral consistency. And, why settle for turning the other cheek when you can hold a grudge for all eternity?

Therefore, I urge you to be consistent in your opposition to every decision made by Trump, a man you are opposed to. In the particular issue you brought up, one could argue that wastefulness in government is a form of economic stimulus, a hidden Keynesian gem in the rough.

George Orwell, the famous writer said, “Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind,” 

Throughout history, though its name has changed, the effectiveness of moral grandstanding, the use of pious platitudes, and appeals to moralistic hyperbole has not. You should convey your arguments for increased government waste in the language of philosophy, and your calls for increased government corruption in the language of high ideals.

On your calls for military action, I urge caution. The famous philosopher Karl Marx said, “History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.” 

While viewing the people of the East as being inferior has been common since the days of Attila the Hun and Genghis Khan, it is also true that the more ethical people of the West, after leading scorched earth campaigns to reach the gates of Moscow, didn't know what to do once they got there. In the absolute worst case (an unconditional surrender), we would lose an adversary to feel superior to. It is absolutely essential for a person of high moral standing to have both someone to pity, and someone to despise.

In a final note, Bertrand Russell, absolutely the worst philosopher of the 20th century, said, “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.”

***

This is Satire, Not a Policy Brief – The views expressed in this article are intended to be humorous, thought-provoking, and occasionally absurd. If you’re looking for serious political analysis, you’ve come to the wrong place. If you’re looking for a laugh and some philosophical musings, you’re in luck.

No Government Agencies Were Harmed – While the article references absenteeism, favoritism, and corruption in a “small, un-prestigious” government agency, no actual agencies were named, shamed, or subpoenaed. Any resemblance to real bureaucracies, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Donald Trump is a Real Person, But This is Fiction – The article mentions Donald Trump, his qualities, and his policies. This is not an endorsement, critique, or subpoena of the man himself. It’s satire. If you’re a fan of Trump, please don’t @ me. If you’re not a fan of Trump, please don’t @ me either. Let’s all just agree to @ no one.

No German Tanks Were Mobilized – The reference to German tanks crossing the Volga and rolling on Moscow is a historical callback used for comedic effect. It is not a call to arms, a geopolitical prediction, or a suggestion that we revisit World War II. If you’re a history buff and this offends you, I suggest you write your own article. I’ll even read it. Maybe.

Eternal Vengeance is Not a Recommended Lifestyle Choice – The article humorously suggests eternal vengeance as a morally consistent position. This is satire. If you’re considering holding a grudge for all eternity, please consult a therapist, a priest, or your local neighborhood cat. Cats are excellent judges of character and grudges.

Wasteful Spending is Not Endorsed – The article playfully suggests that wastefulness in government could be a form of economic stimulus. This is not an endorsement of fiscal irresponsibility. If you’re a policymaker, please don’t use this article as justification for your next budget proposal.

No Barbarians Were Offended – The reference to “barbarians of the East” is a historical and satirical trope, not a commentary on any group of people. If you’re a descendant of Attila the Hun or Genghis Khan and feel misrepresented, I apologize. Please direct your complaints to the nearest steppe, where they will be duly ignored.

Bertrand Russell is Not the Worst Philosopher of the 20th Century – The article humorously dismisses Bertrand Russell as “the worst philosopher of the 20th century.” This is satire. Bertrand Russell was, in fact, a brilliant thinker. If you’re a fan of Russell and feel offended, I suggest you read Principia Mathematica to calm down.

This Disclaimer is Legally Binding (Probably) – By continuing to read this article, you agree to waive all rights to sue, complain, or send me strongly worded emails. You also agree to laugh at least once, even if it’s out of pity.