TACO Calling PACO - 8

This conversation happened after Trump gave his speech at Davos World Economic Forum on January 21, 2026.

"Vlad, Vlad, Vlad!"

"Yes, Donnie, hi, what are you so excited about?" [grumpy]

"Have you seen how I pulled your stunt on them in Davos?"

"Which one, Donnie?"

"I came three hours late, and they all had to wait for me! Waited for me for three hours, can you imagine?"

"And then you had to walk the red carpet alone."

"Well, I made them all nervous still. And that's a power move! Such a big power move! Have you seen my speech at Davos? My beautiful, forceful speech?"

"No, I haven't yet."

"What? Why?"

"Been busy, Donnie, with other things."

"What kind of things?"

"My special military operation in Ukraine, for one."

"Oh yeah, how's that going for you?"

"Not too well, because you still haven't broken Zelenskyy. Even though you promised me to."

"Well, I'm meeting with him later today, so I'll talk with him again."

"Where exactly are you meeting with him, Donnie? He is not even in Davos, and you said in your speech that he was. Are you lost in time and place again?"

"Ah, so you watched my speech?"

"Just the snippets of it, the ones that were important for me."

"About Zelenskyy?"

"And that too. So, where are you meeting with him?"

"Here in Davos, he is flying in later. See, he comes when I call. Right away, he comes. Like a little begging puppy that he is."

"Ok, so what are you going to tell him?"

"I'm gonna tell him again that he needs to talk with you about how to stop the war. It just needs to stop, Vlad. Millions of people are dying each week on both sides..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Donnie. I've heard that already, a million times..."

"And what are you doing, Vlad, to stop it? Seems like I am the only one who is working for peace here! I'm the peace president, always working for peace. And you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you really need to bomb Kyiv so much that 80% of the city has no power?"

"Who told you that?"

"It's all over the news, Vlad! People are left without power and heat in the middle of the cold winter! So unbelievably cold! Can you imagine, freezing, some to death, I've heard. Why are you doing this, Vlad? Are you trying to sabotage my peace efforts?"

"Who the fuck cares about your peace efforts, Donnie? Especially after you got your second-hand Nobel Peace Prize and burned the bridges with the Norwegian prime-minister, openly telling him you don't care about peace anymore?"

"Oh, that's harsh, Vlad. Are you trying to pick a fight with me?"

"No, I just don't know if I can trust you anymore, Donnie."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's see. You promised me to remove sanctions off Russia and never did. You promised me to break Zelenskyy and you didn't. You promised me to break up NATO and were doing so well by threatening Greenland, and now I see you walked all of it back and even said you are not going to impose the tariffs you promised. That you worked out some security framework with them and won't impose the tariffs you promised just yesterday. What kind of a deal-making is that, Donnie? Who are you playing for, really?"

"Those NATO generals have cornered me, Vlad, I couldn't do anything. They just cornered me. I had to walk that back, or they'd blow up the entire American economy. I cannot let that happen, Vlad."

"Bottom line, Donnie: You haven't done anything you'd promised to me."

"I'm going to break Zelenskyy today, Vlad, I promise. I'll break him."

"The same way you broke NATO?"

"No, I promise he will do what you want him to do."

"I guess I'll have to see. Where is Maduro, by the way? Your media have been quiet about him."

"Still in jail in New York, waiting for a court hearing. Why are you asking?"

"I want to exchange him, Donnie, and I finally have someone who I can give you instead of him."

"Oh really? Who?"

"We've just sentenced Zimmerman to five years in prison for smuggling illegal weapons into Russia on his yacht. I think he will be a good candidate for the exchange."

"Wait, is that the guy who stupidly went to meet up with his alleged girlfriend in Sochi on his way to New Zealand?"

"That's incredibly precise, Donnie, I'm impressed!"

"You know he cannot be an equal exchange for Maduro! He is nothing, nobody! No one on my side will approve this exchange and you know it!"

"C'mon, Donnie, don't you care about your own Navy veterans? But okay, to sweeten the deal I will see who else we have in our exchange pool with the American citizenship. I have to go now, Donnie, and you go too, break Zelenskyy." [hangs up abruptly]

Trump, confused, "Did he just hang up on me? Again?"

***

A background story on the American Navy vet arrested near Sochi and sentenced to five years in Russian prison for possessing a hunting rifle on his yacht: