TACO Calling PACO - 6
New wars, alliances and deadlines
This conversation happened on Sunday, Dec.13, 2025, after Putin returned from the international forum "Peace and Trust" in Ashgabat, Turkmenistan and held individual meetings with presidents of Iran, Iraq, and Türkiye.
"Hello, Vlad?"
"Yes, Donnie" [feigned tired]
"You've been avoiding my calls?"
"No, Donnie, I was just very busy."
"Yes, I've noticed. Talking to Maduro on the phone and meeting with my sworn enemy - Iran, and presidents of Iraq and Turkey without me?"
"It was a forum to celebrate neutrality, Donnie. It's not my fault Berdimuhamedov did not invite you there. He just thought it would be better to invite the countries that traditionally try to stay neutral in the world."
"Berdi... who?"
"Berdimuhamedov, the president of Turkmenistan."
"Ah, Turban... what's his name? Turbankuli?"
"No, you mean Gurbankuly. I've met with him too, just out of respect, but he has retired and his son Serdar is the president now."
"Really??? When did that happen?"
"In 2022, when Biden was president."
"Ah, no wonder, I try to forget everything that happened under Biden."
"Don't we all, Donnie, don't we all? Had it not been for Biden, and you were the president, the Ukrainian war would have never started. You've met him, by the way."
"Who?"
"You."
"Met who?"
"Whom, Donnie, not who. You are getting me confused here. You've met Serdar, the president of Turkmenistan."
"No, I haven't. I would have remembered that. Never met him, don't know him."
"C'mon, you are talking like he is some criminal. And yes, you have met him. Just a little over a month ago, in early November. You've bragged about how you reset the relationship with Turkmenistan and natural gas deals within the framework of TRIPP."
"Which trip?"
"TRIPP, Donnie, Trump Route for International Peace and Prosperity. Do I have to decode your own global diplomacy initiatives for you?"
"Aaah, TRIPP, of course, peace and prosperity. I thought you were talking about some trip we took together. I would have remembered that. I never took a trip with him. And why would I, right?" [laughs]
"Right. But you did receive him in the White House on November 7, I just had it checked."
"Whom?"
"Oh, for God's sake, Donnie, Serdar Berdimuhammedov, the current president of Turkmenistan."
"Oh, now I remember! But he's so young, Vlad, I thought he was just Turban's envoy or lawyer. So very young! Wasn't he a lawyer?"
"Yes, before he became the president. And maybe that's the way, Donnie, just to have your son succeed you as president."
"Yeah, I've been thinking about that too. I have two eligible sons, but I don't think either of them will be a good president. Barron's too young. We'll see what happens. And how old is your son, Vlad?"
"I don't have any sons."
"C'mon, Vlad, it's me you are talking to, your friend. I know you have two sons with Alina."
"Nope. I have no sons." [firm and dry]
"Alright, I see you don't want to talk about it. I'll leave it then. You tell me when you feel like it. Can you at least tell me what you discussed in your summit? My intelligence services are saying you are plotting behind my back to form some new powerful alliance."
"Your intelligence services are lying, as always, Donnie. They just hate me and will do anything to pin me against you. In Ashgabat, I tried to convince them that the new alliance you and I want to create, C5, will not be a threat to them and they should stay neutral."
"Oh, really? And what did they say?"
"They seem to be on board, except that Serdar for some reason thinks it's going to be C5+1, Turkmenistan being +1. Did you promise him something during your November meeting, Donnie?"
"Me??? I thought it was you who suggested this and I just went along. I just went along with it, Vlad."
"Maybe he just played us both. I don't really care, let him think he is special." [both laugh]
"And what did you talk with Maduro about, Vlad?"
"You, mostly. I'll be blunt, Donnie. I promised him I'd support him if you start a war against him."
"So my intelligence services were right in this case. Why did you do it, Vlad?"
"Like you need intelligence for that! I've always been good friends with Maduro. You can't just surf around the Caribbean and seize other country's oil tankers at their coast lines, Donnie. What are you, a good old pirate? That's illegal. We don't need to start another war, Donnie."
"I don't start wars, Vlad. I finish them. Eight and counting. Always finish them."
"Speaking of which, when are you going to finish the Ukrainian war, Donnie?"
"Me??? What do I have to do with it? You've started it!"
"Yeah, but didn't you promise me to break Zelenskyy so that he accepts my conditions for peace?"
"Well, he won't budge. Europeans are behind him."
"Didn't we talk about Europe? Your strategy to break them up and destroy NATO from inside is good. You just need to break Ze, as we've decided."
"I'm working on it, Vlad."
"You do that, Donnie, work on it. Work harder, and hurry up. I need a victory by the New Year's Eve or Orthodox Christmas at the latest. It would be a great gift for my people. Have to go now, bye!" [abruptly hangs up]
Trump, looking at the receiver, befuddled, "Did he just set a deadline for me??"
About the Creator
Lana V Lynx
Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist
@lanalynx.bsky.social
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Ditched - Index
This index is just for my subscribers. I finished and published this long story or short novella of 6,000 words recently. I tried to link all previous parts of the story in the next one, so if you went along you shouldn't have been lost. This index is just put everything in one place.
By Lana V LynxExclusive • 3 months ago
Shock and Anger in Minneapolis: Protests Erupt After Woman Killed by U.S. Immigration Agent
The city of Minneapolis once again found itself at the center of national attention after protests erupted following the fatal shooting of a woman by a U.S. immigration agent. Demonstrators poured into the streets demanding answers, accountability, and justice, as grief and anger spread through communities already sensitive to issues of policing and federal enforcement. The incident has not only shaken the local community but has also reopened broader debates about the role of immigration authorities, the use of force, and the fragile trust between law enforcement and the public in the United States. What Happened? According to preliminary official statements, the woman was shot during an encounter involving a U.S. immigration enforcement officer. Authorities have confirmed her death but have released limited details about the circumstances, citing an ongoing investigation. Witness accounts and early reports vary, contributing to public frustration and suspicion. What is clear, however, is that the involvement of a federal immigration agent — rather than local police — has intensified scrutiny and raised urgent questions about jurisdiction, oversight, and operational conduct. In the hours following the shooting, news of the woman’s death spread rapidly through Minneapolis, triggering spontaneous gatherings that soon grew into organized protests. Protests Fill the Streets By evening, demonstrators had taken to major intersections and public spaces across Minneapolis. Protesters carried signs reading “Justice Now,” “No More Killings,” and “End Violent Enforcement,” while chanting demands for transparency and the release of body-camera footage. Community organizers emphasized that the protests were not only about one incident but about longstanding fears surrounding immigration enforcement practices, particularly in communities of color. While the demonstrations were largely peaceful, the emotional weight was undeniable. For many residents, the shooting reopened wounds left by previous high-profile deaths involving law enforcement in the city. Why Immigration Enforcement Is Under the Spotlight U.S. immigration agencies, such as Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), primarily focus on civil enforcement — detentions, deportations, and investigations related to immigration status. Unlike local police departments, they often operate with less public visibility. Critics argue that this lack of transparency creates dangerous gaps in accountability, especially when enforcement actions intersect with everyday community life. The fatal shooting in Minneapolis has intensified concerns about: Rules governing the use of deadly force by immigration agents Oversight of federal officers operating within cities Coordination — or lack thereof — between federal and local authorities The psychological impact of aggressive enforcement on immigrant communities Supporters of strict enforcement counter that agents face unpredictable and sometimes dangerous situations, but protesters argue that this cannot justify loss of civilian life. A City Shaped by History Minneapolis carries a unique historical context when it comes to police violence and public protest. The city became a global symbol of racial justice movements following the 2020 killing of George Floyd. That history has shaped how residents respond to incidents involving law enforcement. There is deep public sensitivity, a heightened expectation of accountability, and little patience for delayed or incomplete explanations. For many protesters, the shooting by an immigration agent felt like a continuation of a broader pattern, rather than an isolated tragedy. Official Responses and Investigations Federal authorities have stated that the shooting is under investigation and that standard procedures are being followed. Local officials have called for calm while acknowledging the community’s right to protest. Civil rights groups, however, are urging an independent investigation, arguing that internal reviews alone are insufficient to restore public trust. Elected officials at both city and state levels have demanded clarity on: Whether the agent was acting alone or as part of a task force What threat, if any, prompted the use of lethal force Whether body cameras or surveillance footage exist So far, the lack of detailed information has only fueled speculation and anger. Immigration Policy Meets Public Safety The incident arrives at a time when immigration policy remains one of the most divisive issues in American politics. Debates over border security, deportations, and federal enforcement powers dominate national discourse. For immigrant communities, the presence of federal agents is often associated with fear rather than protection. Advocates argue that aggressive enforcement strategies discourage people from cooperating with authorities, even in emergencies. The Minneapolis shooting underscores how immigration enforcement is no longer just a policy issue — it is a public safety issue with real human consequences. Community Voices and Grief Vigils have been held in honor of the woman who was killed, with candles, flowers, and handwritten messages lining sidewalks. Speakers at these gatherings emphasized compassion for the victim’s family and called for systemic change rather than temporary outrage. Faith leaders, activists, and local residents have urged authorities to listen rather than react defensively. “This isn’t just about one woman,” one protester said. “It’s about whether our lives are treated as disposable.” What Comes Next? As investigations continue, the future impact of the shooting remains uncertain. Protests are expected to continue until authorities provide clearer answers and demonstrate accountability. Legal experts note that the case could influence future policy discussions about: Limits on federal enforcement operations in cities Mandatory body cameras for immigration agents Stronger civilian oversight mechanisms Whether meaningful reform follows will depend largely on transparency — and on whether officials respond to public demands with action rather than rhetoric. Final Thoughts The death of a woman at the hands of a U.S. immigration agent has once again forced Minneapolis — and the nation — to confront difficult questions about power, accountability, and human dignity. In a city already shaped by protest and pain, the message from the streets is clear: justice delayed is justice denied. As demonstrators continue to march, one truth remains unavoidable — without trust, enforcement becomes fear, and without accountability, tragedy repeats itself.
By Muhammad Hassan5 days ago in The Swamp
Comments (7)
The voice work is particularly strong. Each speaker is instantly recognizable without heavy description, relying instead on rhythm, deflection, and selective ignorance.
TURBAN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I CANNOTTTTTT 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also, does Putin have sons or not?
We need a deadline, all right, on cheetohead the inflator. Great job. And now does P have 2 sons? I have always wondered about him and wives and kids.
I missed these segments. I started laughing halfway through, as I can imagine trumpy responding that way with his dementia kicking up. I enjoy how Lana ties everything in and spins it so well!
I agree with Ray below, this should be a show somewhere. All these men are suffering from something or the other...retire and go rest I say...bad decisions ruling the world. Not in a laughing mood with tyrants everywhere. But...do your thing Lana. It helps.
Well, behind Zelensky all the way here. He should win big in all this. Great humour in seriousness, Lana.
If it wasn’t so tragic it would be truly funny. Great satire and should be a TV or radio show