Survival Guide for a Trump Reelection
Hang in there
You might hate him, you might love him, you might wish he trips down a very tall, steep staircase, but like preparing for a hurricane, itās better to have a plan in advance for a 2nd Trump presidency, than to walk out into a storm unprepared.
Here are a few simple steps to get ready.
A Moveable Feast
Within the heat of election night, you are likely to overindulge in its highs and lows. The next morning will be rough; waking up to all the consequences of the night before.
Focus on the what you can control.
Plan your Nov 6th breakfast.
Scientists have determined eating reduces stress. Even Joe Rogan agrees.
On the morning of Nov 6th, you can rest assured you will be eating your favorite meal in the safety of your own home, and President-Elect Donald Trumpf will not be at your front door to interrupt your breakfast.
Itās a start.
Escape into a fantasy world
Once you are settled with a good breakfast, and a plan to stay home of the day, start by opening the first page of a good novel.
Or better yet, write one.
JRR Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings whilst England was being bombed by the Luftwaffe in World War 2.
Your neighborhood won't be that bad, right?
Many great works of fiction focus on Main Characters surviving under a heavy-handed government. Think 1984, Harry Potter, and The Handmaidās Tale.
Action Plan:
November is annual novel writing month, sign up here.
āOn a dark and stormy night, a young hero in Ohio vowed to overthrow a fascist dictatorshipā¦ā
If you write like this, you might even land a job at The Atlantic.
Screen Time
Avoid social media under all circumstances in the days following the election.
Your political opponents will call you a loser, and your friends will be convincing you the world is ending.
Neither is true.
Helping Others
Immigrants are in trouble, and complaining about Trumpf isn't going to help them.
Show warmth and generosity to the immigrants around you. Give one of them a job if that is something you are able to.
Donate to local charities that help their cause.
Immigrants need money for lawyers, not cleverly worded rants (in English) on social media.
We know rich people with lawyers donāt go to jail for their crimes, or require visas to work in Silicon Valley.
Chicken Little
Face it. This is not the end.
Before the election, voters had already decided whom they wanted to vote for.
Why both parties focused on telling their followers that the other party winning would be āThe end of [insert big word]ā
It was a trick to get you off the sofa, and spend hours of your time figuring out how to vote, in order to avert the apocalypse. Otherwise you would have stayed home and watched reruns of The Walking Dead.
WAR, What is it Good For?
The Russia-Ukraine war will likely come to an end.
But the trade war with China is just beginning.
The bad news is products from China will cost 60% more.
The good news is your children will be able to find jobs at a local textile mill.
Action plan:
This weekend, go to Walmart (if you live in a Red state) or Target (Blue state shoppers) and stock up on everything you need for the next year before prices go up.
Subscribe to Comedy
At 78, Trumpās mental well-being is clearly headed the same direction as Joe Bidenās.
The next 4 years of Covfefe tweets are bound to be hilarious.
Subscribe to the Trump hating comedians: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Jimmy Fallon.
Donāt Panic
Donald Trump is 78, obesely overweight, and loves eating McDonald's.
Eventually, the Big Mac will do him what blue state voters, Thomas Crooks and Ryan Routh could not.
Who is your Democratic Party candidate for 2028?
***
I live overseas and don't vote. If I missed anything important in my satirical article, let me know in the comment section.
Thanks for reading, and remember not to panic.
***
Further reading on how to survive a Trump reelection:
- How to Fight Back In A Second Trump Term ā The ACLU
- How to Survive Trump. A handy guide for liberals! ā Politico
- How to Prepare for a Second Trump Term ā The New Republic
About the Creator
Scott Christensonš“
Born and raised in Milwaukee WI, living in Hong Kong. Hoping to share some of my experiences w short story & non-fiction writing. Have a few shortlisted on Reedsy:
https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/scott-christenson/
Keep reading
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Comments (3)
I am in Canada and most of us feel harris will win whether we want her to or not
This was hilarious! Some of it a bit dark, but most of it was also spot on! Here's to whatever mayhem is about to be unleashed over the next few months to years!
The first step inspired by Bill Burr's comic rant back in 2017: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjNgm7TgsgA