shopping while black

“You cannot walk away from me!.... I can’t let you do that! I need to see your receipt!” - Karen (2020).

I know what you are thinking…. But the woman's name is actually Karen.

"They Will Always Watch You"

As a kid, whenever my Mother and I went inside a store she would offer her bag to the customer service department almost immediately. She, much like a lot of people of color, did not want to risk being followed or appearing as a threat. And knew that by giving up her belongings she could only decrease the odds that she would still be followed and harassed, not eliminate them. Interestingly enough, although my Mother and I share the same zodiac sign, we do not possess the same tolerance for racial profiling.

On March 27th, I had planned on being in Toronto and seeing Doja Cat (before she got caught up). But instead I found myself in the lobby of Tops Friendly Market, arguing with two employees, about whether or not I had the right to refuse to show my receipt upon their request.

Karen being Karen

That morning, my Mother and I went to Top’s Friendly Markets in North Buffalo. I have been going to this Top’s with my Mother since I was at least four or five years old, and I am now twenty-three, so it is essentially a tradition. I had just been recently laid off by my job but was in a surprisingly good state of mind. Governor Cuomo was beginning to enact the “New York State on Pause” executive order, and finding toilet paper became almost as difficult as finding justice for Breonna Taylor.

Despite all of the circumstances, my Mother and I proceeded to enter the store and go about our shopping trip as usual. We were taking in all of the changes as they came, rapidly. Food and supplies were scarce in comparison to the weeks prior, it was disturbing. Nonetheless my Mother and I reached the self checkout line and began to scan and bag our items. We managed to split our bill evenly $50 each. We got all of our bags in the cart and took our receipt with us. As we left the checkout, we began to approach the lobby and my Mother realized she had forgotten to take out a money order. I had already ordered a Lyft for us both so I continued towards the exit, while she went to retrieve the order……………..then I met Karen.

“You have a nice day ma’am!....I need to see your receipt.” - Karen

Her tone changed like night and day, as she shifted her focus from the white female customer she was engaging with, back to me. I did not receive the tone the woman before me just did, nor the enthusiasm. She could only be about four feet tall, white woman, with short red hair and glasses. The look on her face was determined, and her attitude was not curious but confident. She knew I stole something….even though I didn’t.

As I attempted to leave the store Karen proceeded to block me, by sticking her hand out and demanding to see my receipt. Keep in mind, social distancing policies are in effect, and Karen had already broken the “six foot” rule. In all honesty, my first instinct was to give her the receipt. I have nothing to hide, so why not show her? To refuse will just make me look guilty, won’t it? If I show her, will she leave me alone? The same thoughts have spiraled in the minds of so many people of color in the exact same scenario. However, I did not act on the impulse. Because that was the inner-child in me thinking it was best to simply comply so that I can keep myself out of harm's way. Because I am black and you just never know.

But not this time.

I responded “NO” and walked away. My tone was respectful and I attempted to not engage any further. For every question in my head, where I pondered if I was making the right decision, a voice would enter in my head that countered it. Why do I owe her anything? Why does she think I might have stolen? Who is she to me? Why must I keep on having to live like this? Why do I owe her to show my receipt? What makes me more suspicious than all of the other customers here that are predominately white?.... And so on.

As I walked away from her I felt phenomenal. But of course Karen did not stop there.

Karen began to follow me to the exit, invading my personal space and continued to demand to see my receipt. I told her our Lyft was coming soon, and that her investigation was pointless and unnecessary. I asked her what made her think we stole, considering no alarm went off, and we were wide open the entire trip, not hiding anything. She could not come up with a justifiable cause. And from that point I continued to ignore her, which only enraged her more. She soon spotted my Mother, and asked her for the receipt instead. My Mother initially begins to reach for her receipt but I interject.

“We haven’t stolen anything! There is no reason to show you our receipt!” I yelled.

Karen and I continue to go back and forth verbally, as I began to call her out for racially profiling my Mother and I. She defended herself by informing us that she had black friends, and therefore could not be racist. Several bystanders were near the altercation as well. Shortly another employee, Mike, enters the lobby and begins verbally attacking me, immediately siding with Karen. Mike even goes on to threaten me physically, in defense of his racist coworker. Before you know it, my Mother and I are having a full on squabble in the middle of a grocery store entrance. Finally, the manager comes along and seems confused as to why my Mother and I were stopped. My Mother explains the situation to the manager, who apologizes to us both in return and verifies he was aware we did not steal anything, because an alarm would have been triggered if we did.

Aftermath

After the manager's intervention, we left the store. Karen continued to tell my Mother and I that we were not welcome at the location anymore and that “our kind” was always causing trouble. When I got home, I was outraged. Not just for the way I was treated, but for the way it impacted my Mother, to see me in a situation like that. To think about a store that we had been shopping at for so long, becoming associated with such hate was depressing.

That same day, I was connected to Top’s administrators and was able to discuss the situation further and ensure that the kind of behavior I had witnessed was no longer tolerated. Through social media, I was able to connect with so many people of color living in my city that have experienced the same types of mistreatment or worse. And in the year 2020, it is extremely disappointing. To the people you love, you represent so much, but to a stranger, all they may see sometimes is your color. Being black makes you “dumb”, being black makes you “violent”, being black makes you a “thief”, automatically. I refuse to allow outdated stereotypes built on white supremacy, to be the reason I cannot live my life the way I want to. Gone, are the days of allowing myself to be subjected to mistreatment, that I have done absolutely nothing to deserve. If you see racial profiling, call it out, no matter who you are! We can only hope to slowly kill racism, even though we may never be able to eliminate it.