Raised by Silence

As a child, she read fairy tales and watched them on television. They taught her what she knew about love and how a female "should" act. The helpless damsel in distress needing a strong, handsome Prince to rescue her and give her a better life. As she grew older, movies and television shows continued to show her what was expected of her. Grease was one of her favorite movies growing up; she saw it as the best story of true love. Sandy and Danny were her ideal couple. A girl who was sweet, caring, smart, and innocent then changed her whole self for the bad boy who couldn't accept her as she was. The female characters who chase after abusive men, allowing themselves to be used and treated like property. The scene where Danny attempted to rape Sandy while they were on a date and nothing was ever said about it later on. She still ran back to his arms and called him her true love. Maybe that was why she failed to understand that rape was wrong when it happened to her.

She was 13 years old the first time it happened and 14 years old the second time. She never reported either rape. She honestly thought there was nothing wrong with what happened to her. They were dates and the guys expected something in return. She said no both times, but each boy held her down and did what he wanted to her. It was just something that happens to girls, after all, it happened in movies she watched. No one ever said it was wrong or a crime in the movies, and the girl still chased after the boy. Movies showed girls her age drinking, smoking, having sex, doing whatever they can to get the boy they liked, and most importantly, silence. Speaking back or talking to the authorities was never something that was done. The girl always knew her place and knew to accept it in silence.

Her teenage years continued to show this to her as her favorite television shows kept this facade alive. She watched her favorite female characters on shows like Beverly Hills 90210 and Saved by the Bell date men, not boys. She watched these girls who were supposed to be the same age as her date and have intimate relationships with men who were in their late 20's or early 30's in some cases. It was never mentioned that it was wrong or illegal. Statutory rape was a phrase she never even heard of until she was well into her adult years. Movies like My Father, My Hero, and Poison Ivy continued to encourage these attitudes with children and teenagers. She loved those movies. It never occurred to her how wrong the premise of those movies truly was, in more ways than one.

The adults in these shows and movies always seemed indifferent to the illegal activity happening or supportive of it. She learned that love meant she had to change herself to match what the man she loved wanted her to be. She learned to be silent about her wants and needs. She learned to just exist for him. This was what fairy tales and love stories she grew up with taught her and other girls who grew up with her. The generation of women that were taught to suppress their desires, wants, and goals because that wasn't what would catch a husband. She never spoke when her mother's boyfriends were physically and mentally abusive towards her because it wasn't something she was taught was wrong. She saw it in the movies and television shows, and it always seemed acceptable or ignored. The men were never arrested for it.

She was raised by silence and taught her place as a female by a society ruled by men and a religion that forgave the crimes of men. She was taught to watch how she dressed, because if she looked too masculine then it made her seem like she didn't care about herself and that wasn't attractive. If she looked too attractive, then it was her fault if a man made sexual comments or advances towards her. And if she said no to him and he didn't listen, it was still her fault for dressing like a "slut". She witnessed criminal cases where men who raped women were let off by court judges because they were "young" and prison would cause unnecessary harm on the young, privileged rapist.

She saw this sort of "justice" time and time again and it made her stay silent when she was raped... three times in her life. She did not want to relive the moments she was was powerless and face that shame in front of a judge, lawyers and jurors who would make judgements based on bullshit questions asked by attorney's meant to show her as a slut. She knew she would be marked forever with the memory of what her rapists did to her. She did not need to be raped all over again in a courtroom that was supposed to provide "justice" but often only did so under certain circumstances.

As the years passed, her daughter's generation began to demand answers and accountability. She began to see the silence that had been indoctrinated into her since birth. She saw the reality that society had forced her to live by, the voice that she was forced to surrender because women were not meant to be loud. She saw her daughter question the way things were, she realized she was not going to allow her daughter to grow up feeling afraid to dress how she wanted, or speak her truth, and live her life without being fearful over "overstepping" her place. A new generation of woman was born and they have fought back against the forced silence. They are still fighting for change against those who wish to define them as baby making machines who should obey their husband.

She will no longer allow her voice to be silent. She will no longer allow religion, government, men or others decide what is right for her and her body. She will not allow her daughter and other daughters to go through the voiceless shame that she endured for most of her life. #MeToo began a movement where females and those who identify as female refuse to be forced into silence by fear and those in power. The fight is still far from over, especially when the highest positions in a country can be held by a man accused of many crimes against women. She will keep fighting. She will not surrender her voice again. She will fight for anyone who has had their voice suppressed by society because it's just "how things have always been." It's time to shatter the wall of silence that has raised generations of people. It's time to finally speak!

© 2024 Luna Verity