PACO Calling TACO - 5

This conversation happened on October 10, 2025 after the Nobel Peace Prize winner was announced.

"Hello, Donnie?"

"Hello, Vlad" [subdued, sad].

"Congratulations on not winning the Nobel, Donnie!"

"Are you kidding me, Vlad? This is no joke! I thought you were my friend..."

"And I am, Donnie. Well, maybe not so much recently because you are not behaving like a friend. But in any case, I think you should be happy that you didn't win the f*cking Nobel. You don't need that butt ache right now."

"Oh yeah? Why do you think so?"

"Well, imagine if you did. You'd have to go to Norway in December to pick up the prize, and to sit at a long table at the reception and listen to all the long-ass boring speeches and then deliver your own long-ass speech..."

"But that's what I wanted, Vlad! Wanted so badly to be recognized for solving so many wars! So many wars! Seven, could have been eight..."

"Or even nine, yeah, yeah, Donnie, you told me that. But have you ever been to Norway in December?"

"No, why?"

"It's so f*cking cold! And believe me I know cold! It's much colder than Siberia!"

"Well, it's not like they'd be keeping the Nobel winners outside, so why would I care? If it's warm in the reception hall, I don't care how cold it is outside."

"But that's the point, Donnie! They keep their homes and halls chilly in the winter. Have you seen the Nobel receptions and how people are dressed up?"

"Yes, I was looking forward to wearing a tux. I look so good in my tux!"

"It's not just the tux, Donnie. Did you notice how fat they all look even in the tuxedos and ball gowns?"

"Not really, do they?"

"Yes, and it's because they have to wear like two or three layers of thermal underwear to stay warm!"

"You must be joking!"

"I kid you not, Donnie, those Norwegians are so stingy they even try to save on heating in their own homes and reception halls! They are also so boring and high strung! I don't think you would enjoy their company, Donnie."

"Thermal underwear is not something I would do. Maybe you are right, maybe I shouldn't be this upset."

"Of course you shouldn't. Besides, the chances of you winning were very slim this year."

"What do you mean?"

"You were sworn into office on January 20, and the application deadline was January 31. You didn't have anything to show for it peace-wise, Donnie."

"So all these nominations of me from Aberbaijan, Israel, Armenia, Albania and other countries were for nothing?"

"There's always next year, Donnie. The nominations for 2026 are accepted since September, so maybe they were submitting them for next year. And if you manage to resolve Gaza-Israel war and bring peace to the Middle East, I will be the first one to nominate you for next year as well."

"Are you serious, Vlad?"

"Of course I am. Not that a nomination from me would matter for the Nobel because I am in conflict with Ukraine..."

"Well, we can resolve it and every nomination counts, as I was told."

"We'll see if we can resolve it. By the way, I am looking at the present you sent for my birthday right now."

"Oh yeah? [more cheerfully] How did you like it?"

"A Trump 2028 MAGA hat, Donnie? Seriously??? You know I don't wear hats even when I ski."

"But it's not a simple hat, Vlad. First, it has gold threading in it. Second, it should have come with a second present, in a small gift box."

"Really? [checking]. Ah, I see it now [opens the box]. Cufflinks, Donnie? Trump cufflinks?"

"Yes, do you like them? Melania designed them."

"She has a good taste, they look beautiful. But...what are they made of?"

"Titanium, platinum, white gold and diamonds, Vlad. Only the best and most expensive for you!"

"Oh, really? Should I call for an appraiser to see if they are made of cubic zirconium?" [chuckles]

"Oh, that hurts, Vlad! How could you have even thought that! You know that f*ucking druggie Charlie Sheen made up that story! Completely made up, start to finish, and now it follows me everywhere! I never gave him any cufflinks! I don't even know him, never met him in my life!"

"Alright, alright, Donnie, I believe you, you don't have to be so upset about a joke!"

"It's a bad joke, Vlad! I really went overboard with these cufflinks for you."

"Ok, I'm sorry. I like the cufflinks a lot. I have to go now but let's talk again soon, alright?"

"Alright, let's talk about the peace negotiations soon. Bye, Vlad!"

"Sure, Donnie. Bye!" After hanging up, giving the cufflinks to Peskov, "Let's have them appraised, shall we? I wanna see how much he values our friendship. I won't be surprised if it IS cubic zirconium."