PACO Calling TACO - 10

"Hello, Donald."

"Ah, it's 'Donald' again. Hi, Vladimir. Are you still mad at me?"

"Of course I am."

"Why are you calling me then?"

"You need to stop it, Donald."

"Stop what?"

"Your stupid war in Iran."

"First of all, it's not stupid. It's very smart. The smartest, actually. It's so smart there are no smarter wars. It's the smartest, ever. I have the smartest military in the world, and they are doing the smartest war. Virtually no deaths on our side, that's very smart."

"Oh yeah? What's so smart about killing a bunch of school girls?"

"Since when do you care about little girls, Vlad? Ooops, sorry. I mean I know you care about them but not in the way..."

"Definitely not in the way you care about them, Donald. Not in the Epstein way."

"Ouch, that hurts, Vlad. That's like backstabbing. Really hurts, I didn't expect this from you. But about the girls' school, no one has proven yet that it was us."

"The school was hit with a Tomahawk, Donald. Only you make them."

"Well, true. We make them but we sell them. We sell them all over the world, to our trusted allies. Many countries are buying them from us. Like four, I think. It could've been anyone, really."

"Oh, really, like who? Israel?"

"I wouldn't put that past Bibi, yes. It could've been Israel if they had Tomahawks. But we never sold them Tomahawks officially. So I can't confirm that it was them and will deny that in public. I'll simply deny it. Strongly deny it."

"How about Ukraine?"

"What about Ukraine?"

"Could Zelenskyy have gotten a Tomahawk?"

"No. I never agreed to sell them to Ukraine. Zelenskyy begged me for them, but I never agreed. Oh, how he begged! You should have seen him begging, Vlad. But I didn't sell them to him. If I did, we probably wouldn't be having this conversations right now, Vlad."

"Could he have gotten it from someone who has them, like the Netherlands?"

"No. We know exactly where all Tomahawks are and no one can give them to other countries without our approval. No one can do that, Vlad."

"How about we tell the world they did it anyway?"

"Why?"

"We make Zelenskyy the scapegoat, like he bought a stolen Tomahawk on the black market. We blame everything on him, replace him with a better president and wrap everything up. I end my war in Ukraine, you end your war in Iran. You'll definitely get your Nobel Peace Prize then, I will personally nominate you."

"Hmm, that might be actually not such a bad idea, Vlad. I need to talk with Jared and Bibi about how to do it. We have to be smart about it."

"Not Bibi, Donald, don't get him into this, please."

"Well, I'll have to. Because he is directly affected by what we do in Iran. I can't do anything there without talking to him first."

"He is not the boss of you, is he?"

"Of course he is not. But I can't do anything in the Middle East without talking it over with him."

"So you've said. But why?"

"Because everything we do there affects Israel."

"And? Are you afraid of the all-powerful Jewish lobby?"

"Of course not. I'm afraid of the powerful Evangelicals. They are so powerful, you won't believe it. They can take my electorate away from me with one word. One word only. They believe, and get this, they convinced their followers, who are also my voters, that I'm the Chosen One and we need to help Israel in every way we can."

"Ah, the Second Coming stuff?"

"Yes, exactly, the Second Coming."

"Poor bastards, they have no idea who really rules the world. Definitely not their beloved Jesus f-ing Christ."

"Then who is it, Vlad?" [shocked and scared]

"Us, Donnie, us! You, me, Bibi, Xi, an a handful of others."

"Ah, that's what you mean. Well yeah, that's true. It's us. We rule the world."

"You still need to stop the war in Iran, though, Donnie."

"I know, Vlad, I'm being told so every day because it's bad for my economy. Let me talk with Jared about it first."

"Ok, but no Bibi, alright?"

"I'll talk with him second, Ok?" [both chuckle]

"Ok, keep me in the loop. Bye, Donnie."

"Bye, Vlad."