Omar's letter to Larry at Downing Street

Dear Larry

My sincerest and heartfelt thoughts are with you as once again your place of residence, your very home at 10 Downing Street, is subject to great turmoil and media attention. The very place where character assassination seems to be a full time occupation rather than running the country. Has it been anything else since your current and soon to be gone itinerant servant moved in with you?

I think not.

As if you haven't been through enough already. What with those hedonistic lock down parties and quizzes that must have kept you awake at night when the rest of the country was obeying the rules written in the very place they were broken. I do hope you managed to snaffle a bit of smoked salmon and some foie gras pate after the revelers had left and before the cleaners arrived to clear up the wreckage. Disraeli, Gladstone and Pitt must be turning in their graves at the thought of such Bacchanalian goings on at the very heart of Government.

Then the arrival of the new canine, Dilyn. Poor chap did not have any choice about coming to live with you. Having seen your servant and his colleagues do the same with members of their own species trying to forcibly put them on planes to somewhere in Africa then I am not very surprised. As you know it was only through the intervention of powerful court, the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) that this was prevented. Sadly us felines ,and canines for that matter, are not protected by the (ECHR). If your current and soon to be gone itinerant servant gets his own way in the short time before he has to move on, neither will members of his own species in this country have that freedom of choice.

You must have been overwhelmed watching all those letters arrive through your letterbox addressed to your now very short term itinerant servant. The senders were resigning and withdrawing their support quicker than the elastic snapping on a hernia patient's truss. The thing I don't understand is that all of them were quite content to serve and defend your own servant through thick and thin. It seems to me that they were all infected by a herd mentality and once they could well and truly see that the writing was on the wall for him they all jumped ship despite being responsible for putting him there in the first instance.

With all of these goings on, that in my opinion will rumble on for a while longer, we here at Omar Towers would like to extend an open invitation to you to come to Omar Towers whenever you feel the need to escape from 10 Downing Street.

Our residence is very low key. We do not have uniformed or plainclothes security guards. You will not be disturbed by the Horse Guards on their parade ground. There will be no media circus camped outside the front door. Unlike Downing Street which is a home, a place of work (I use that term loosely) and the party centre of SW1A Omar Towers is first and foremost a home.

We have no plans to build a £125,000 tree house be it self funded or funded or in return for some dubious favor. We will not be holding a large wedding reception either. Quite frankly I find the whole idea of such an event extremely gauche and in unfettered bad taste when so many of this country's servants have been reduced to going to food banks to be able to feed their families. No doubt the pictures from the aforementioned event have already been syndicated with some glossy and intellectually vacuous magazines or tabloid newspapers pandering to grossest forms of self seeking publicity.

If you do come here we promise not to introduce to our local Member of Parliament (MP). You have most likely met him during the times he visited your soon to be leaving itinerant servant as he paid homage to him and promised his undying obeisance. This is the very same servant who little over three years ago emphatically told his supporters that your current Man Servant would be the best chap to lead the country. Methinks our local MP is lacking in the department of character judgement and foresight.

The invite is there. All you have to do is catch a train from Waterloo to Brockenhurst, providing the trains are not on strike or have run out of fuel. Let us know your arrival time and I will send Man Servant to meet you in one of the red things..

Yours very sincerely

Omar Russell