"Let's Build a Bunker with a Tunnel!"

This conversation happened shortly after the one that started here.

"Hello, Mr.President?"

"Yes, Elon."

"Sir, I've been thinking about our recent conversation..."

"Which one, Elon?"

"When you asked me to build a tunnel from the White House new ballroom to Bedminster?"

"Ah, yes. And? What have you been thinking about? Are you gonna do it?"

"Why do you need it, really, Mr.President?"

"As I said, I would rather have it to Mar-a-Lago. But you are saying it's going to take too much time. I don't have much time. So Bedminster is another option. I would like to have a direct and short ride to my golf club there. Golfing is good for me, my doctor said. Golfing's too good for me sometimes, if you know what I mean."

"I'm not sure I do, Mr.President. Is everything alright with your health?"

"My health is perfect! Better than any president at my age. I had both MRI and cognitive test and they showed that my brain is perfect! Better than any president at my age..."

"I get it, Mr.President. You are in perfect health. But still, why do you need the tunnel to Bedminster from the White House?"

"I already explained, Elon, I want to go golfing unnoticed by the media. Also, I'm expanding the bunker under the future ballroom..."

"The bunker? There's a bunker there, under the East Wing?"

"Of course. They built it during the Cold War, in case of a nuclear attack. But it's just ugly boxes of small rooms made of concrete. So small and ugly! Can you imagine, if the Soviet Union dropped a nuke on us, the First Lady's staff could hide there..."

"By the way, what does the First Lady Melania think of taking down the East Wing, sir?"

"Well, she doesn't live there." [chuckles] "But seriously, why do you think I did it in three days, while she was away? She was upset and concerned, of course. Oh so she said to look good. But again, she should live here if she wants to have a say."

"So you want to expand that bunker, sir?"

"Yes, expand and improve. I wanna have a full-on luxury bunker like the one Putin has. They say he has the best bunker. But I want to have the best one. The President of the United States should have the best bunker in the world. I'm trying to get the blueprints from Vladimir but he is not a sharing type..."

"Why do you need a full-on luxury bunker, sir? Aren't you concerned that you will only be able to enjoy it for a short time before the next president moves in?"

"Why are you saying this, Elon? Like you don't want me to be president anymore? Didn't you hear Steve Bannon has a plan for me to get the third term?"

"Really? How? The Constitution clearly prohibits that."

"I don't know. He found some loophole. Like to run for the vice-president and then switch or something like that."

"Will that work, sir?"

"I don't know. My people are looking at it."

"Ok, but if you are elected legally why do you need a bunker?"

"I thought you were one of the smartest people in the world, Elon. So that I could hide there in case the mobs try to get to me."

"The mobs, sir?"

"Yes, Elon, the mobs. Do you really think the Democrats will just let me stay for the third term? Even if I am elected legally? I don't think so. I'm sure they will try to depose me. Unleash their scary mobs on me. Like do the real January 6 insurrection or something."

"Oh, I see. That makes sense, I guess."

"So, will you help me to build the bunker and the tunnel, Elon?"

"I have to think about it, Mr.President. It will depend on whether I still stay on with Tesla."

"Why? What's happening there?"

"The Board is refusing to pay me the one-trillion benefit package I asked and I threatened to step down."

"Oh, no, Elon, you cannot do that! You have to stay on! Tesla will die without you. It's like they say, 'There's Elon, there's Tesla. If there's no Elon, there's no Tesla.' You have to stay on!"

"Well, that's what I'm negotiating. I won't be too upset if they don't agree, though. I will then just concentrate on Boring and SpaceX. I still want to go home!"

"You can always go home, Elon. What's another twenty to thirty years compared to three thousand you already lived, right?"

"Right. I have to go now, Mr.President, to the Tesla Board meeting."

"Alright, Elon, good luck!"

After hanging up, calling Vance, "JD, see who among our loyal billionaires we can promote to Tesla CEO when Musk steps down..."

***

Three more days to submit an entry to my unofficial challenge that started it all: