Learning Abuse is Okay

My coparent and I agreed on when our children would call me. A schedule because he said that I was interfering with his parenting time. Our children have long called me twice a day if I wasn't physically available to them. I understand how much my ex hates it, but hey, I hate things too - it is called putting our children first.

I got worried when our son called on schedule, but our daughter did not. I waited, then called her. No response.

Something felt off, so I just checked to see if they were together as they were supposed to be. They weren't.

Not my business I told myself... sure... my daughter has disappeared and has lost her watch and has eloped...

I messaged their dad.

No response.

That's typical. But, if she disappeared on him, would he even call it in? Would he even notify me? I mean, she has vanished on him before - according to him - but he didn't tell anyone other than me and not until after the fact.

Call the Sheriff if you have a concern. I did. Said daughter is autistic and runs up to strangers like they are best friends. Said daughter did not answer her watch.

So I called to see if they would try to locate said child.

They located her - sort of. The deputy said that he spoke with my ex's mom and both children were with her. They would call me before bed. He didn't know where my ex was.

I worded my next question wrong... and then fixed it... and then the Deputy snapped...

"We are not going to be helping you for the next 10 years. You and your ex need to figure this out. This is a civil matter. You guys need to talk it through and deal with it. Learn to live with it." - paraphrased to make him sound a lot more professional than he was because even though he hurt me, he still deserves some respect...

I called because our children are supposed to have their watches. I called because I communicated - again and again - and simply get lied to and ignored and told how the only problem is me. I called because I was legitimately concerned that she was missing - and protocol is to call the Sheriff if a child is missing, right?

Apparently wrong.

Apparently if she winds up dead in some back alley... it isn't my responsibility to care until it's my parenting time again.

Apparently if she is lost in the cold and dark... it isn't my responsibility to care until it's my parenting time again.

Do you know who is allowed to care enough to get in my face and loudly tell me that I am hurting our kids by taking them to the doctor? My ex. But, even though every muscle in my body is screaming in fear... that is simply a civil matter.

Do you know who was allowed to hit me, to choke me, to backhand me, etc? My ex. Did I call the cops? No, because I was under the impression that it wasn't anything they could help with from getting snapped at ... much like I experienced tonight.

It is fine. I will not call them again. Protecting vulnerable adults and disabled children is not in their job description.

When my house gets broken into, no worries... no one will call the cops. We won't need them. We'll need an ambulance and/or a mortician. But, nothing will be actively happening (criminally) by the time I can speak.

Our children got left with his mother. His supportive mother who locks children up in cribs with a lid over medicating them. His supportive mother who I heard tell our children that she was "Mom." His supportive mother who is making parental decisions without anything stopping her (like the court order) because it is "her house, her rules." Including the rules about disabled children not having their medically indicated gear available to them. Including making hateful comments about me. Including making "jokes" at our children's faith.

But, it is his parenting time and not my concern.

Our daughter never did call. But, lying to cops is alright to do I guess.

I wonder... how much of this does the "professionals" really want to sink in?

I didn't even call the cops when I was informed that my property was going to be accessed without my consent. Yeah, it was because I couldn't speak... but let me wager a guess based on probabilities... it was simply a civil matter.

I wound up in the ER with chest pain. I will not give anyone the satisfaction of knowing how badly they hurt me beyond that.

I am needing repairs to my eyes... because I have been literally crying too much.

I will not bother my local Sheriff's department again. The trust built... so fragile when it comes to the pieces of my heart that tell me to go back to their dad - not because they want us to actually be back together, but because they want me to be the buffer the way I was before. I took the physical pain, the emotional pain... and did my best to protect them. Of course they want that protection back!!! But... I digress...

Lost dog? Ehh... who cares - it is just a civil matter.

An assault? Ehh... I don't have enough evidence to prove it occured or who did it... not "criminal" enough for them.

Let me spell it out really clearly for you Mr. Deputy.

You told me to dump the human fecal waste that the "man" left at my residence in my backyard. You told me that I should just talk it out with the "man" who is actively doing whatever the hell he wants to do - just like always - and who has informed me, repeatedly, that I do not have rights that court papers say that I do. Communicate with a "man" who backhanded me for getting too close to telling the counselor about his physical abuse of me. Learn to live with ... abusive behaviors?

Why did the deputy snap at me? Likely because he had to deal with Mr. Charming who I had children with and who likely told him a variation of "fuck off" in the same manner I have been told that - in front of our children.

Do I understand the deputy's challenging scenario? Yes. But, let me ask this... Why is it that I keep having to understand everyone else's humanity while mine is slowly whittled away at?!

Why did you call law enforcement? Why didn't you call law enforcement? Ask for help... no, don't ask for help... Stop needing to know information. Why don't you know this information? Why are you acting afraid? Why aren't you acting afraid? Why are you being argumentative? Why are you being so passive? You need a backbone and stop being in a victim mindset. You need to stop acting so ... entitled!

Why bother asking for help when it is always my fault?

Why would I continue to beg for the bare minimum?

Why would you treat the abused like the abuser - simply because you are frustrated that you can't stop the abuse?

That is traumatizing and causes me long lasting physical pain.

As long as the children are not damaged badly enough to be a drain on the state's resources... my ex can do whatever he damn well pleases to them... and I am not allowed to care unless it is my parenting time.

Don't worry. This is my autism. The same autism that my kids both have. And you think that they will want to be treated this way and still ask for help? You think that anyone would continue to ask for help?

This is me living with the fact that abusive behaviors will never stop until someone is dead. Since I don't break the law... that someone is likely going to be me. But, hey - at least I am hard to kill, right?