A letter to White Privilege

Dear White Privilege,

At times I wonder, what is it about my skin colour that makes you see me the way you do and treat me the way you do.

I have tried reasoning, I have tried complaining, I have tried arguing and fighting with you to make you see and understand the injustices you force upon those whose skin colour you do not deem worthy on a daily basis. I could keep trying;

BUT...........

I am tired!

Tired of how sometimes white people react to seeing the only coloured person walk into a room with a glare as though they were saying the words "you do not belong here"

Tired of my presence being greeted with utter disgust

Tired of being told to go back home as though this was not my home

Tired of being pointed at, as though I was some zoo animal out of its captivity

Tired of being asked where I am from and when the response is not palatable to your liking, only to then be asked again "where are you REALLY from or where are your parents from?"

Tired of having my afro hair mishandled after spending hours neatly styling it

Tired of being asked why I wear a weave and the answer presumed to be because I want to look like 'the white or European woman'

Tired of being asked if I understand English

Tired of being asked how is it that I can speak english so articulately and do not sound like other "Africans"

Tired of being referred to by the terms "Nigger" or "Negro"

Tired of being asked by a white person why they can't use the term 'nigger' when black folks use it

Tired of turning up at interviews for them to realise and be disappointed that I am black

Tired of hoping I am hired for my level of skill and not just to meet the company's needs of maintaining their diversity quotas

Tired of wondering if he is ok dating black girls

Tired of being tokenised or fetishised

Tired of even being rejected as a dating potential by men of my own skin colour due to systemic brainwashing against my kind

Tired of my value being based on how fair or dark my skin complexion is

Tired of being told that 'you are a strong black woman' as though that suddenly exempts me from feeling hurt by the issues black people and women face......... and that we are ok facing them

Tired of being told "you are actually pretty for a black or coloured girl"

Tired of assumptions and expectations being instantly made about the quality of my living to be that of a lower standard when no indications of such assumptions are given

Tired of my ideas being stolen and presented as your own as you deem me unworthy of receiving recognition

Tired of my opinions being shut down

Tired of being made to feel as though I am of no value

Tired of tolerating your micro-aggressions

Tired of being gas-lighted

Tired of waiting to be tolerated

Tired of never being defended when wronged just because it is 'not your problem'

Tired of hearing the words "I don't see colour"...because if you don't, please enlighten me; what do you see?

I am tired of not being seen

I am tired of not being heard

I am tired of being made to feel........Less Human!

When will this pain and injustice end?!!

Perhaps you do not know what it is like to tolerate a prolonged period of pain due to systemic and structural injustices......if you are wondering why are black women so strong, well thats just it! We were left with no other choice.

To those of you who stay silent and just watch the anguish of black and other ethnic minorities around you, here is a question; if you saw a child being abused or mistreated would you just stand and watch in the exact same manner that you stay silent and do not act when black lives are tormented on a regular basis and you choose to turn your gaze away because it is uncomfortable!?

Slavery is like child abuse.....if we would listen and act to protect a child, why won't we do the same for people?

I watched a clip on the news once about how a former english coach was charged for 9 different sexual offences committed between 1979 and 1988 to victims between the ages of 11 and 14 years old. Yet in the same week, the BBC news highlighted the disproportionality in numbers of black people arrested compared to white counterparts and how many Black British men died at the hands of police officers and not a single officer was brought to justice.

There are those who choose to be ignorant and pretend we live in a fair and equal world and that the cries of black and ethnic minority oppression are easily dismissed as those trying to cause social unrest to achieve their own personal agendas. We are referred to as 'angry trouble makers trying to disrupt the peace'.

There are even those who actually think the experiences suffered and endured are deserved because....."well you must have done something to warrant such a reaction"! To those people, I can't help but feel exacerbated and walk away from the conversation.

Then there are some...hopefully a very small minority, who feel the pleasure of watching others suffer because of the validation it gives them that they are far better humans and have far better lives, because at least they aren't Black!

Until you stand in my shoes, live the life I have lived or experienced the things those who share the same experiences as I have, you can not dismiss or belittle my experience! If you do, then perhaps it is time for some deep soul searching.

As T. D Jakes once said ''It is difficult to articulate to people from other historical backgrounds the magnitude of suffering''......

So in order to help you articulate how this feels....here are a few accounts from everyday people. I implore you to take a moment to try and put yourself in their shoes:

Priya "Here come the monkeys":

I went to the Lake District on a family trip once and we were certainly one of the very few coloured people around. We went into a local pub to get some food and it was full of white people. As we approached the bar, a man sat at the bar turned to his friend and said "look, here come the monkeys"! I remember trying to tell this story to my white colleagues I worked with at the time and they were in disbelief that this happened and went to justify the man's actions by almost discrediting my story to say that I perhaps misheard or misunderstood the situation. In what situation is it justified to refer to any human being as a "monkey"? How could I expect them to understand when I was the only coloured person in a predominantly white department. I hate going to pubs just for this reason alone, we get looked down upon and greeted with that gaze which says "what are YOU doing here?". If it's not a pub in inner London, I just don't venture in.

Priya "Even my own people judge me because I am too dark":

My in-laws are all fair skinned and they have always disliked me from day one and I always used to think it was because of this. But one weekend when we took our son to visit his grandparents, my mother in-law's actions towards my son confirmed my anguish. My husbands brother's kids were all there too and they are far lighter in complexion. My mother in-law went to the kitchen to cut fruit for the children, she came back and gave my brother in-laws children their fruit and went and sat down. My husband asked his mum if our child wasn't getting any fruit? She quickly jumped up and hurried to the kitchen saying she had forgotten to bring my child's plate over. However, she disappeared for quite some time before she eventually re-emerged from the kitchen with a plate of fruit for my son. I knew she hadn't prepared a plate for him at all to begin with. It is these subtle actions that infuriate me, he is just as much her grandchild as the other two children are, but because his skin complexion is darker which he gets from me, he is treated differently.

Growing up my brother and I were always treated the same, we were the last to get treats, the last to get picked for stuff, made fun off because we are too dark, imagine by your own people or family members. I always felt sorry for my brother as his complexion was darker than mine. I don't know why I felt this way and not sure at what age I started to feel like that, I felt I needed to protect him from people but I never knew why I felt like that. It is so weird, I have never said this to anyone.

Avani "They decided to send a derogatory meme of George Floyd to poke fun"

I was in a group chat with a few caucasian friends and their other halves. Someone in the group decided to send a derogatory meme about George Floyd, joking about how he has been drug free two weeks since his death. I was mortified. I didn't know how to react and questioned why someone would send a picture like that. Some men questioned it but did so in a playful mocking way. I felt that they thought the whole situation was funny and were teasing him about sending the meme. Rather than show their disgust, they were almost encouraging him with comments such as "oh you silly boy". I was so angry that I left the group as I did not want to entertain him by questioning why he posted it. In a group of 16 adults, not a single person came to my defence or told him he was out of order or that it was completely not ok. It didn't bother them in the slightest, they carried on like he had just sent another funny meme.

Avani "Miss Poppodom"

As one of the very few teachers from an Indian background in the school I teach, children often get my name wrong; they liken it to the nearest Indian word they know....'Miss Poppadom"! This was years after the time of the celebrity big brother show when Shilpa Shetty was called 'Shilpa Poppadom'.

Occasionally, grown ass male students will think it's funny to start playing punjabi music loudly when I walk into a classroom to speak to another member of staff.

Then when coronavirus first hit, understandably children were scared about catching it. One 16 year old girl shouted in class how she didn't want the 'chink' virus. I reprimanded her and tried to educate her about the ignorance in that statement. I then suggested to a white colleague that we should be using PSE lessons to educate about the impact of the misconceptions that COVID-19 will have on racism. His response was....'why do we have to make it about race'?

Shaz "She didn't even try to pronounce my name; she just referred to me as 'You'!!"

In year 7, my form teacher could not pronounce my name correctly and called me 'Shag-a-rat' for the 3 years I was in her class and I corrected her for the entire first year but gave up in the last 2 years. She only started pronouncing my name properly after an Arab supply teacher pronounced it properly without me prompting him. She was SO embarrassed after that and finally pronounced it properly. My maths teacher didn't even try to say my name, for the entire year she only addressed me as "You"...but she could happily say everyone else's names.

Josephine " I always felt like I had to tone down my blackness"

A caucasian ex once told me that he would hate it if I got braids instead of a weave because braids didn't look as attractive. I'd never felt so ugly and never wanted to be something else other than black in that moment. I held onto those weaves so tight because I thought he would go off me if I didn't. He sometimes didn't seem too keen on me when I had my own natural hair out either.

When we would go out clubbing, he would get really annoyed when I was dancing because he said he didn't like it when I danced 'like that and shook my ass' all the time. I never used to dance with anyone else but him so I was really confused and we even once had a huge argument over it.

I didn't realise how racist he was until my year away from him abroad. My ex and a few close friends always made me feel like I had to tone down my 'blackness' as it was just too much in their eyes. So I acted white all the time. THAT PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH.

There was another black girl in the group as well and they used to call her "white" all the time. One of the other caucasian girls in the group said that when she first met this other black girl, she did "so much work to calm her down" because she was so "angry" all the time and she credited herself for calming this black girl down.

Funny how they used to call me a racist because it was apparently unfair that I wouldn't let them or any other white people say the N word. It was supposedly reverse racism.

MA "What part of Africa did you get her from...we would like one!"

On a skiing trip to Europe with a caucasian ex and his family, a seemingly nice and rather overly friendly German family shared a gondola ride with us as we made our way to the top of the ski slopes. On reaching the top, one of the women from the german family approached my ex's mother and I overheard her ask my ex's mum as she pointed at me "your daughter is very beautiful, which part of Africa did you get her from, we would like one". My ex's mum was shocked by the question and immediately gestured that I was not adopted but their son's girlfriend. I've never seen anyone ski away so fast.

As if that wasn't bad enough, later in the evening at dinner; I walked past a group of older Austrian drunk men on my way to the ladies. On my way back they wolf-whistled and gestured in my direction seeming to suggest I join their table. I simply just walked on, rather hastily back to my ex's family table, unknowingly, two of the men had followed me over. As I sat down, they approached our table and asked who the head of the family was, my ex's dad stood up and asked how he could help them. They asked him if they could spend some time with "his queen". My ex's mum thought they were referring to her initially but when the men realised their request was misunderstood, they pointed at me and repeated "could we spend sometime with your African queen?" The silence was deafening! My ex's dad just looked at me and almost laughed and my ex put his arm around me.....but still NO ONE SAID ANYTHING!! The men realised the awkwardness they had caused and quickly made jest of the situation and thought a round of drinks would make amends! My ex's family and group of friends agreed to the drinks and waved it off as a minor misunderstanding! I was told to see it as a compliment of my exotic beauty!

I have never in my whole entire life felt so disgusted and alone. Worst of all, let down by the ones who I loved and trusted!

MA "There's no way the likes of you can afford to live in an area like that"

A few years ago I was working at a very prestigious hospital. I was buying a property with an ex at the time. We got very lucky with the property we found as it was in a very affluent area. My bosses at the time somehow got wind that I was buying property and were really inquisitive about which area I was looking to buy in. Initially thinking they were wanting to offer some advice, I told them the area my partner and I were looking to move into. To my shock and lack of amusement, both my bosses bursted into fits of laughter.

When I asked them what was so funny, their response was "how can someone like you afford a place in an area like that? You are better off looking for a council flat or ex-council property!" my white boss stated quite condescendingly. Their roars of laughter and jest went on for a few minutes longer until they realised that I was not joining in the laughter and quite noticeably insulted. Yet I said nothing.

One of them then asked at a later date where I got the money to be able to afford such an area. Having already been insulted once, I decide to make a little jest of my own. I replied "I robbed a bank if thats the answer you prefer to hear". It wasn't satisfactory of course. The same boss under the guise of wanting to make sure I got home safely after a work colleague's birthday party, insisted she drove me home. Only to then park outside my flat, turn off her car engine, refusing to drive off and watch me enter my own home. She did not leave for another 10 minutes.

Josephine "I have had 5 jobs in the space of 6 years after graduating and the main reason I can attribute this to is the amount of racism I've experienced."

I previously worked for a company called Qubit who pretended to be diverse, but they just hired black people to replace the black people that left. Absolutely no one in that company was willing to help me out and made me feel like a burden when I tried to ask questions. I was treated like I couldn't do my job properly and when I offered new ideas, I was either ignored or just told that I was wrong, so I basically stopped speaking up.

When more black people joined and we all started hanging out together, I started feeling like people were judging us all for hanging out together.

My boss also tried to show he was down with different people. On the way to a client meeting one day, he started telling me how he was moving to Walthamstow from Wandsworth, because Wandsworth was 'too white' and Walthamstow was more diverse. I wondered why he felt the need to impress me with how supposedly "woke" he was. Later that day I overheard him telling his friend that he was moving to Walthamstow Village instead of Walthamstow because it was far more upper class.

At another company, I was probably one of the best sales and account management graduates there. I always smashed my targets every month, managed 70 accounts and managed to find about 500k of new deals in the time I was there. Yet whenever it came to promoting me, they kept telling me that I wasn't ready or confident and that if I went for the promotion, I would only be making the regional manager and my boss look bad. The day I went up for the promotion panel the first time, they actually failed all the black people who went for it and passed the only white person. Other racist things that happened, there was this one guy who didn't even try to make the effort to learn my name, he made me repeat myself 3 times when I introduced myself and then on the 4th time I just told him to call me Jo. There was this white South African lady who literally had it in for me since day 1 and I don't know why. She would literally belittle me in front of people and take credit for my work.

An ex boss used to sit all the black people in the team on one side of the room and when we said something, she was like "oh I didn't even see that". She'd go so far as to tell me that she thought my calls weren't very good and when I asked her what part I was failing at, she said quote on quote "I actually don't know, I've never listened to your calls". I was dumbfounded and all I could do was be upset because she literally made shit up in her head about me that wasn't true and used that to make me feel bad. I didn't even know what I did to deserve that.

The second boss I had, I thought she was going to be different because she literally had the same story as me and she was from Zimbabwe. The only difference was she was white. But I just thought, well she understands mostly so she would be a different boss. She was just the same, she held me back when it came to promotion time and dangled so many carrots in front of me. She got really mad when I challenged her on it when I knew that other people in our team did not have to jump through any hoops to get promoted to the next level.

Michelle 'Enough is Enough':

"I have been asking myself why this hurts so much? As some might say it is a situation that is happening across the water.....true....but nope! It happens here and across the world too in many different forms. I've been reflecting on my own personal experiences, the sense of feeling invisible in a society, all the micro-aggressions that I've experienced in my personal and professional life, the stuff I've swept under the carpet to get on, the false narratives that I and many of my friends and loved ones have watched and listened to in the media, the devastating images and stories that we've had to witness and just swallow down, feeling like our voices are just never enough. The pain I am feeling, the hurt I am experiencing, the tears I have been crying is because it's generational and ancestral pain, deep in my belly............I am sorry but right now I have no advice, no books for anyone to read, no films or documentaries for anyone to watch, no words of wisdom to share, no hashtag. I am hurting, I am grieving.

Groups of psychologists ran tests on the grandchildren of the people who had endured the holocaust and they found that the amount of stress the grandparents had suffered during the holocaust was so overwhelming that it had rearranged the DNA structure of their physiological body.

When that test was done, it elicited some initial tests into African-Americans and similarly the stress over the years had affected people physiologically, emotionally, socially and we have never dealt with or gotten to the bottom of that. Even we ourselves as a people have never really understood the magnitude of the pressure because that anxiety and trauma has become our normal and anytime trauma becomes your normal you develop coping mechanisms for how to survive.

But every time a trigger occurs such as a young black teenager being shot from holding a toy gun or a black man dies due to someone kneeling on his neck; these triggers set off an anger from not just the single incident but from the multitude of incidents.

History isn't as far back as we would like to think, if anything we have short memories about these sort of things.

Well enough is enough........

I am tired of staying silent

I am tired of shrugging it off

I am tired of appearing strong so you do not see my tears and anger

I am tired of telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day

I am tired of not raising my voice so you don't feel uncomfortable

I am tired of hearing "All lives matter"....If all lives matter why do black lives NOT matter?

I am not here to make you feel guilty about what your ancestors did to mine, because there is nothing you or I can do to change the past......but we can do something about our future!

As James Baldwin says; "It is not a racial problem, it is a problem of whether or not we are willing to look at our lives and be responsible for it and then begin to change it"!

So I stand here, waiting for you,

Come join me

Let us have this discussion, let us raise awareness

Not about how you should feel the guilt of what your ancestors did to mine or about white versus black,

But about how we can move forward and rebuild our future

Together.