You Don’t Need to Conquer Public Speaking Fear: You Just Need to Change Your Approach

Fear of public speaking is one of the most common issues I see in therapy. Clients don’t usually start by saying that’s their issue—they might talk about anxiety, perfectionism, or feeling “stuck” in work or school. However, when we dig deeper, the fear of speaking up in front of others shows up again and again.

If your stomach drops just thinking about giving a presentation or speaking in a group, you're not broken. You’re human. And you don’t need to become fearless—you just need a new way of handling the fear.

As a therapist, I’ve worked with so many clients who believed they “just weren’t cut out for public speaking.” But after working together, they learned to speak up even with a racing heart—and realized they didn’t have to wait for confidence to magically appear first.

Here’s what I teach my clients—and what you can try, too.

Drop the Fight to “Feel Ready”

Let’s be honest: trying to force anxiety away before speaking usually backfires. The more you try to push it down, the louder it gets. That’s because anxiety doesn’t like to be ignored—it likes to be understood.

What if you stopped trying to “win” against the nerves and instead said:

“Okay, this is the part where I get nervous. I expected this. And I can still show up.”

You’d be amazed how quickly the intensity can fade when you stop seeing it as the enemy.

Shift from Self-Watching to Sharing

Most people stuck in public speaking fear are tuned in to the wrong station: themselves.

    •    “Do I sound awkward?”

    •    “Is my voice shaking?”

    •    “Am I boring them?”

That internal surveillance turns up the pressure. Instead, try shifting the focus:

“What’s one thing I want this audience to take away?”

When your message matters more than your image, fear has less room to grow.

Practice for Resilience—Not for Polishing

A common trap is rehearsing to sound perfect. But perfectionism feeds anxiety.

Instead of rehearsing to eliminate all flaws, practice tolerating imperfection. Let yourself stumble. Start over. Speak with nerves in your voice. That’s where the real growth happens.

One client I worked with began by simply reading emails out loud to herself. Then she practiced telling a short story to a friend. By the time she had to speak at a meeting, her body already knew: “This is scary, but I’ve done hard things before.”

Unhook from the “What If” Loop

Anxiety loves to whisper what-if thoughts like:

    •    “What if I forget what to say?”

    •    “What if I turn bright red?”

    •    “What if they all stare at me?”

Rather than debating those thoughts, try noticing them:

“Ah, there’s the ‘what if I mess up’ thought again. I’ve heard this one before.”

You’re not trying to erase fear—you’re just practicing not fusing with it.

Use Your Breath to Ground, Not to Escape

I’m not a fan of overcomplicated breathing hacks. You don’t need to count to four or imagine a square. Just try:

    •    Inhaling gently through your nose

    •    Exhaling a little longer through your mouth

    •    Taking a brief pause

Even one cycle of this can remind your nervous system that you’re not actually in danger.

By the way—it’s okay to pause while speaking. It doesn’t make you look lost. It makes you look thoughtful.

Final Thoughts: Speak with the Fear, Not Without It

Public speaking isn’t about eliminating fear. It’s about learning how to bring fear with you and still use your voice.

You don’t have to feel completely confident. You just have to be willing—willing to feel the nerves and still share what matters.

If public speaking, social anxiety, or perfectionism are keeping you small, therapy can help you build real-world tools that shift things—not just in theory, but in your life.

Eliana Bonaguro, LMHC

Licensed therapist in Florida & New York

Specializing in anxiety disorders, including social anxiety, perfectionism, and OCD.

Author of Yesterday It Rained: An Illustrated Guide to Living with Anxiety and Quieting the Noise: an Illustrated Guide to Living with OCD.

www.ellie-counseling.com (https://www.ellie-counseling.com/)