Why Narcissists Love the Internet

For the narcissist, the Internet is an enticing amalgamation of playground and hunting field, a venue teeming with prospective Sources of Narcissistic Supply, where fabricated identities prevail and psychological manipulation is customary. It transcends legal boundaries, societal conventions, and the constraints of civilized behavior.

Many entrepreneurs responsible for the creation of the Internet and social networks may be accurately characterized as narcissistic. Technology did not create or promote narcissism; instead, it was propelled by it: a more narcissistic society sought empowerment, self-expression, self-gratification, and self-aggrandizement via devices and software that addressed its disease.

The somatic encounters an abundance of cyber-sex and cyber-relationships. The intellect asserts spurious achievements, counterfeit abilities, knowledge, and capabilities. Both, if marginally communicative, ultimately find themselves at the immediate gratification nexus of a cult including admirers, followers, stalkers, erotomaniacs, detractors, and the mentally unstable. The constant attention and associated quasi-celebrity nurture and perpetuate their grandiose delusions and exaggerated self-perception.

Instagram, unlike other social networks, has two primary objectives, both of which are markedly narcissistic: 1. As a metric for social standing and prestige, shown by the quantity of likes; and 2. As a medium for interpersonal signaling and posturing.

The popularity of an Instagram superstar is contingent upon their similarity to their followers; the closer the likeness, the easier it is for followers to envision achieving superstardom, akin to their transient idol’s sudden rise. Instagram exemplifies a platform characterized by echo chambers of like-minded individuals, marked by pervasive confirmation bias and social reinforcement.

Consequently, the more vacuous, narcissistic, and egocentric an individual seems, the greater their influence as a poster. Certainly, there are significant outliers, even among adolescent Instagram users; yet, these exceptions serve to reinforce the general principle.

The Internet serves as an extension of the real-life Narcissistic Pathological Space, devoid of its associated dangers, hurts, and disappointments. It enables the narcissist to manifest and perform his grandiose delusions of power, brilliance, perfection, self-righteousness, and superiority without consequence.

Numerous moderators and proprietors of discussion groups and support forums exhibit tyrannical narcissism, lacking impulse control and fostering cult-like environments where dissenters are sadistically punished and publicly humiliated by their peers for deviating from the established “party line.”

Within the digital realm of the Internet, the narcissist effortlessly disappears and reemerges, often assuming many identities and monikers. He or she can skillfully counter criticism, abuse, disagreement, and rejection in real time, while yet maintaining the fragile equilibrium of their immature personality. Narcissists are hence susceptible to Internet addiction.

The beneficial attributes of the Internet are mostly overlooked by the narcissist. He is disinclined to broaden his horizons, cultivate genuine connections, or engage in meaningful interactions with others. The narcissist remains insular, since he perceives all experiences through the constricted perspective of his obsession. He evaluates others only based on a single criterion: their potential use as Sources of Narcissistic Supply.

The Internet is an egalitarian platform where individuals are evaluated based on the consistency and quality of their contributions, rather than the substance or exaggeration of their assertions. However, the narcissist is compelled to divert discomfort due to an absence of a definitive and universally recognized hierarchy, with himself at the apex. He ardently and forcefully attempts to enforce the “natural order” — either by dominating the encounter or, if unsuccessful, by being a significant disruptive force.

However, the Internet may represent the nearest experience of psychodynamic treatment for several narcissists. The Web, being mostly text-based, is inhabited by disembodied creatures. Through engagement with these sporadic, unexpected, ultimately inscrutable, transient, and intangible voices, the narcissist is driven to project his own experiences, anxieties, aspirations, and biases onto them.

Transference and counter-transference are prevalent online, and the narcissist’s defense mechanisms, particularly projection and projective identification, are often activated. The therapy process is initiated by the unrestrained, candid, and forthright responses to the narcissist’s array of behaviors, pretensions, illusions, and fantasies.

The narcissist, always an intimidating bully, is used to encountering such pushback. Initially, it may exacerbate his paranoia and prompt him to cope by amplifying his grandiosity. Certain narcissists completely retreat, adopting a schizoid stance. Some individuals exhibit overt antisocial behavior and endeavor to undermine, disrupt, and destroy the internet platforms that cause them frustration. Some withdraw and isolate themselves among devoted sycophants and uncritical admirers.

However, prolonged exposure to the culture of the Internet — irreverent, cynical, and populist — typically has a positive influence, even on the most steadfast and inflexible narcissist. The online narcissist, somewhat less certain of his own superiority and infallibility, gradually becomes more receptive and starts — however reluctantly — to engage with and work with others.

Ultimately, the majority of narcissists — those who are not schizoid and avoid social interaction — become fatigued by the virtual reality of online. The average narcissist need “concrete” narcissistic feeding. He want attention from actual, living individuals, composed of flesh and blood. He tries to see in their eyes their adoration and adulation, the wonder and trepidation he incites, the approbation and affirmation he provokes.

No alternative exists to human interaction, even for the narcissist. Numerous narcissists attempt to transition their cultivated online connections into their logical IRL counterparts. Others sporadically emerged in the online realm, disappearing for extended periods, only to resurface revitalized. Reality summons, and few narcissists can resist its alluring appeal.

Narcissists, Social Media, and Pornography

Social media platforms, such as Tumblr.com, have evolved into venues for narcissists, psychopaths, and sadists who disseminate extreme and sometimes illegal pornography, deriving pleasure from the ensuing responses and therefore acquiring vicarious narcissistic supply. Through these posts, they convey their extreme sexism by objectifying women and subjecting them to humiliating subordination and aggressiveness approaching actual violence.

Despite Yahoo and Tumblr’s assertions to the contrary, some material is prohibited and may implicate even an unwitting viewer. Seemingly benign search phrases like “family,” “wife,” “sister,” or “daddy” often produce explicit and actionable photographic and video content, which is immediately shown on the user’s screen and stored in the browser cache without prior notification or authorization. Tumblr is not alone in this regard. Twitter and, to a lesser extent, Facebook, also accommodate pornography on a substantial scale.

Pornography addiction aligns well with the narcissist’s idealized sexual fantasies. Social media facilitate and validate several sexual obsessions and paraphilias, including pedophilia. Through these forums, the narcissist finds a receptive audience and a feeling of strength and invulnerability, facilitated by his anonymity.

Interview conducted with Misty Harris of CanWest on February 23, 2005

Q. In what ways does technology facilitate narcissism, especially among the Internet generation?

A. The belief that the Internet is an unparalleled phenomena with distinct societal ramifications is inherently narcissistic. The Internet is only the most recent advancement in a prolonged succession of networking-related technology innovations. Technology is inherently self-absorbed. It aims to make us all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present — in essence, divine.

The Internet enables self-replication and dissemination of our words through vanity publishing, blogs, and online content posting, facilitates the enactment of preferred personas, allows instantaneous communication with multitudes (narrowcasting), influences others, and generally fulfills various narcissistic aspirations and inclinations.

Q. What are the negative implications of possessing an inflated self-esteem?

A. It is not detrimental if it is accompanied with corresponding accomplishments. A significant disparity between imagination and reality may lead to a disorder known as “pathological narcissism.”

What does it indicate about our society that we promote narcissistic traits in individuals? Paris Hilton — we elevated her to stardom via her self-acceptance.

A. Celebrity culture is not a novel phenomenon. It is not a phenomena contingent upon culture. Celebrities serve two emotional purposes for their admirers: they provide a mythological narrative that followers can follow and connect with, and they act as blank canvases onto which fans project their aspirations, anxieties, ambitions, principles, and wants for wish fulfillment.

Western society emphasizes ambition, competition, consumerism, and individuality. These are, admittedly, narcissistic features that provide the narcissist in our culture a distinct edge.

Narcissism manifests in a distinct manner among collectivist civilizations as well. According to Theodore Millon and Roger Davis in their influential work, “Personality Disorders in Modern Life”:

In an individualistic society, the narcissist perceives themselves as ‘God’s gift to the world.’ In a collectivist culture, the narcissist is seen as ‘the collective’s divine offering.’

Twitter, the microblogging platform, has increasingly been criticized as a manifestation of pervasive narcissism. Narcissists are loquacious and are intolerant of constraints imposed by other parties. They see themselves as deserving of preferential treatment and exhibit defiance. They are infatuated with their own voice. Consequently, instead of satisfying the typical narcissist by supplying them with narcissistic sustenance (attention, admiration, validation), Twitter is likely to inflict narcissistic pain.

Since the inception of civilization, when writing was limited to a select few, individuals have been retaining knowledge and conveying it via concise, mnemonic phrases. Extensive portions of the Bible have a style akin to Twitter writing. Poetry, particularly blank poetry, resembles Twitter. Even today, newspaper headlines aim to communicate information in concise, impactful fragments. In contrast, the book — a deluge of words — is a contemporary phenomenon.

Twitter is concise, although this does not necessarily affect the linguistic abilities of its users. Conversely, when forced inside its restrictive conversation box, several participants exhibit inventiveness, and originality flourishes as bloggers get animated.

Twitter is the modern equivalent of the telegraph, telegram, telex, and text message (SMS, as referred to in Europe), representing various types of efficient, data-driven communication. Similar to them, it compels its receivers to use their imagination and ingenuity to interpret the code and elaborate it with intricate and vivid details. It is improbable to disappear, but it may be replaced by more lucrative forms of internet communication.

Interview conducted with Agencia Efe, Spain, April 2008

1. Does the Internet uniquely amplify narcissism, or is it only a mirror of reality? How, despite the disturbance caused by the anonymous personas one might assume online, exhibitionism may be more prevalent. Specifically about narcissism? Can a someone develop an addiction to the internet due to their own narcissism?

A. The narcissist prefers to project an aura of mystery. It amplifies his self-perception of omnipotence, making him “unique” and “interesting.” The appropriate name (Internet alias or handle) endows the narcissist with a feeling of invulnerability and superiority, enabling him to perpetrate the most audacious or egregious crimes.

2. What deficiencies or requirements underlie this behavior? What do we anticipate when we search for our name on Google? Can we assemble our identity using fragments of ourselves available on the internet?

A. The Internet serves as a high-tech analog of an expansive mirror. Similar to the legendary Narcissus, it enables us to continually fall in love with our reflection each day. We explore the vastness of the Internet to affirm our continuity and existence. It serves as our contemporary picture book, a store of life tidbits, and our external memories.

In psychoanalytic words, the Internet supplants some ego functions: it governs our self-esteem; connects us with reality and others; and organizes our relationships via the notable peer pressure of Netiquette and the presence of editors and moderators.

We want attention and input as validation of our significance, evidence that we are valued, and assurance that we are not isolated entities in a fragmented and chaotic Universe. The Internet serves as a replacement for God and many social functions by providing reassurance that we belong to a world that, while being nebulous and ever-changing, is supportive, reliable, stable, and caring. The Internet supplants our parents as a source of sustenance, support, care, discipline, and omniscience.

3. In the context of blogging, what is the commonality between the concept of maintaining a private journal and making it accessible to the public?

A. I am uncertain on your meaning. Blogs are inherently public. They are intentionally designed for public consumption, flourish with public attention, and promote engagement with the public via the comments section. One may configure one’s blog or online journal to “private,” serving as the digital counterpart of a personal diary.

The internet, via platforms such as blogs, Facebook, Myspace, and YouTube, has enabled individuals to achieve fame without traditional marketing, relying only on the organic dissemination of their content. Do examples such as singers Mika and Lily Allen, together with other bloggers, represent a novel interpretation of the “American dream” for Internet users?

A. Fame serves many significant purposes: it grants us authority, offers a continual source of narcissistic supply (admiration, devotion, approbation, awe), and satisfies essential ego needs.

The Internet accommodates our narcissistic tendencies and enables us to achieve “celebrity status through imitation.” The picture projected by the blogger or artist is mirrored back at him by individuals who experience his sudden recognition or renown. Through the creation of many replicas of himself and his work, he experiences vitality, his existence is validated, and he attains a sense of distinct limits (defining where he concludes and the world begins).

A specific array of narcissistic behaviors is characteristic of the quest for fame. The internet star refrains from almost nothing and hesitates to breach practically no boundaries in pursuit of fame. For him (or, increasingly, her), “bad publicity” is a non-entity; the paramount concern is to maintain visibility in the public sphere at whatever cost.

Narcissistic persons like all forms of attention and get equal satisfaction from being feared and adored; they are indifferent to the accuracy of public information about them, provided their name is spelled properly. The famous blogger or artist endures negative emotional phases alone in the absence of attention or visibility.

At that point, some bloggers, artists, and Webmasters strategize, devise, and analyze to restore their diminished visibility to the public. As their attempts to capture the attention of the target audience (ideally, the whole online community) fail, they increasingly resort to audacious, unconventional, and bizarre tactics. A definitive resolve to get recognition evolves into determined action and then into a frantic routine of attention-seeking behaviors.

It is essential to recognize that the blogger, artist, or webmaster is not primarily concerned with notoriety itself. They seem to aspire to celebrity status; nevertheless, their true concern is in the REACTIONS to their newfound fame: others see them, acknowledge them, discuss them, and scrutinize their conduct — therefore, they find validation in their existence.

5. Numerous new programs exist online that cater to human narcissism: Googlefight, Egosurf.org, and other blogs. Can narcissism be used as a business strategy?

A. Every successful company is predicated on the collective psychology of its customers. In a narcissistic society, commerce is compelled to evolve and grow ever more narcissistic. The Internet originated as a medium for information sharing. The influx of mostly American consumers significantly altered it in deep ways. User-generated material conceals the pervasive and unhealthy narcissism of the populace. Narcissism serves as the primary organizational basis in other sectors outside the Internet, including cosmetics, fashion, health, publishing, entertainment, media, and finance, all of which are fundamentally rooted in narcissistic foundations. The managerial elite is very egotistical.

6. Can genuine and pathological narcissism be fulfilled just via online feedback, or does it ultimately need the manifestation of its allure in the physical realm?

A. What aspects of the Internet are not authentic? This distinction between virtual and real is erroneous. The Internet is a tangible entity and, for many people, it is their only reality and frame of reference. The traditional notion of “reality” is progressively dissipating, supplanted by “virtual” alternatives: print media are declining in favor of blogs and online news aggregators; platforms such as iTunes, Napster, BitTorrent, and eMule are undermining the physical music CD; the volume of content published on the Internet surpasses that found in numerous physical libraries, among other examples.

7. Could the presence or absence on the Internet establish a new kind of social class?

A. Similar to other social phenomena, the Internet has engendered a tiered society of hackers, crackers, nerds, geeks, Wikipedians, bloggers, and others, each inhabiting distinct niches. Abstaining from the Internet — an embodiment of Internet Luddism — may ultimately evolve into a symbol of distinction. Internet junkies may evolve into societal misfits or the emerging elite. Who has knowledge? All digital entities remain in their nascent stages and are subject to continual change.

8. What is the level of risk posed by narcissism, both online and offline?

A. Extremely perilous. Review the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): The narcissist has a deficiency in empathy, displays arrogance, abuses others, harbors envy, possesses an unwarranted feeling of entitlement, and demonstrates obsessive and delusional tendencies. A significant number of narcissists exhibit psychopathic traits. Pathological narcissism is often diagnosed with other mental health illnesses, a situation known as “co-morbidity.” Narcissists are disproportionately found among criminals, gamblers, and anyone exhibiting risky and insensitive conduct.

Interview conducted with About.com on Online Dating

1. In your view, what makes the Internet seem to be a conducive platform for romantic connections?

A. In online dating, partners are often seen as “blank screens” onto which individuals project their aspirations, desires, and unmet needs. The Internet enables both parties to engage in emotionally low-risk interactions by exerting complete control over their communication with others. Although they experience considerable satisfaction, they are less prone to emotional harm and perceive less vulnerability due to their little investment — both emotional and otherwise — in a superficial relationship compared to a genuine, committed partnership. Typically, individuals experience disappointment while attempting to transition their online dream into a tangible connection in physical places.

2. Why do individuals seem to engage in online relationships more readily than in face-to-face interactions, despite these connections consisting only of text messages and images?

A. The term “internet relationship” is contradictory. A connection include a physical dimension, shared time, friction and conflict, sensory gratification, and mutual experiences. Instant messaging, chat platforms, webcams, and similar technologies may seem to foster closeness and provide an appearance of intimacy; yet, they ultimately represent a narcissistic facade, an echo chamber, and a simulacrum. Individuals become enamored with their own reflections and with idealized companions, rather than with the genuine entities. Their counterpart serves just as a support for their want for intimacy, a reflective surface. Observing a film may evoke profound emotions, however few individuals conflate the projected images with actual reality.

3. What risks are associated with falling in love online?

A. Online “love” is not genuine love and, hence, is less susceptible to heartache and disappointment. The parties exert complete control over their respective aspects of the contact and may restrict it at their discretion. The conveyed information is manipulated and cannot be verified, such as by observation of body language and social signs. Online “love” resembles infatuation, characterized by a balance of imagination and narcissism. The individuals become enamored with the concept of love itself, rendering the real online partner rather peripheral. The existing technology determines the self-absorbed and egocentric character of these interactions.

Online dating is fundamentally perilous since it provides no means to verify the identity of your interlocutor or correspondent. Engaging in online dating results in the absence of essential information, including your prospective partner’s body language, social interaction patterns, behavior in unforeseen situations, unscripted reactions, as well as their scent, appearance, attire, and demeanor in both public and private settings. The perils, akin to those in reality, arise when one encounters a predator: a psychopath, a stalker, or a bully. Click this link to discover methods for evading such individuals: How to Identify a Narcissist or Psychopath Before It Is Too Late?

4. What advice can you provide to readers who have experienced online romance and subsequent rejection, but are considering pursuing it again?

A. The Internet is just an advanced multimedia communication medium, an enhanced videophone. “Long-distance relationships” are ineffective. Genuine, enduring, emotionally fulfilling relationships that foster happiness and personal development include proximity, familiarity, intimacy, and sacrifices. Avoid relying only on the Internet for dating and refrain from using it as a means to escape reality. Utilize it just to get information and make contact, and at the first chance, disconnect and engage with the multifaceted world, embracing its complexities and ambiguities. Avoid using the Internet as a means to evade future suffering: development is unattainable without pain, and progress is impossible without experience.

5. In light of certain issues, do you believe the Internet should be dismissed as a method for seeking love?

A. Online dating serves as an effective resource for those who, due to different circumstances, have restricted access to other dating opportunities or environments for engaging with genuine individuals in person, rather than simply digital representations.