Why I Am The Way I Am Series: Part 1

This will be a multi-part series where I share the secrets of why I am the way I am. Each week, I will take you on a journey into all that is Jennifer. You will start to see and understand who I am as a person, and you will also start to believe in your own potential. As they say, "If I can do it, anyone can!"

I'm a burden

Growing up, I believed that I was a burden. It was told to me continuously, and at some point, I had come to believe it. "If only you hadn't been born," "If it weren't for you, I'd be happy," and "I could have had a life if you weren't around," etc. The words that would haunt me and yet they would become my mantra.

Our truths aren't always as simple as what some may think at the time. It goes deeper than that. It is buried so deep inside of our subconscious thought process that it is becoming the thing that drives our actions. You are the result of your conditioning and for better or for worse you have to understand that so that you can start to make conscious and actionable changes.

If your truth tells you, "I am not enough," ask yourself “Is this something that will add value to my life?” If not, it may be time to find a way to let it go. This is the same truth that pushed me to try harder. I sought the validation; I wanted the acknowledgment. I wanted to feel as though I was good enough. I didn't want to be a burden.

My actions over the years positioned me to become burden-free. I never needed to ask for anything, and because I pushed and pushed and pushed, I found myself stripping the burden from my world. Yet, with that same breath, I had failed to learn how to allow myself to BE a burden. The very essence of allowing someone to care for me when I was sick or be there when I needed a friend.

Before the passing of my parents, they had come to visit me at my home. Their faces lit up with pride as they surveyed the new house my husband and I had recently purchased. "It's stunning," my mother said. "You've done well for yourself," my father chimed in with pride in his voice I had not expected. He nodded his head in approval, barely able to take his eyes away from what was before him.

They continued to tell me how proud they were of how far I had come and acknowledged how they hadn't been the best. I didn't need that acknowledgment because I knew they tried their best. It was nice to hear, but I had already resolved that I would forgive them a long time ago.

My forgiveness wasn't what I had needed to learn to undo my conditioning. I needed to learn to find a balance between independence and embracing compassion. For my parents, I would forgive them because they didn't know any better. I would forgive them because they tried to be better. Most importantly, I would forgive them for my own sake because I needed to be free from the belief that I was a burden.

Final Thoughts

If you feel like a burden, remember that you are not. If you think you are, ask yourself what you need to do to change that dialogue. What is it that YOU have to do to unburden yourself so that you can become the person you were meant to be?

Challenge:

Share your "it" in the comments.

Or, share, "I will unburden myself!"