The unconscious bias against autistic people in friendships/relationships

I’m quite up front disclosing that I’m autistic at the beginning of any relationship. That is how I was conditioned to communicate when I was in a residential home for autistic people. I have noticed the instant flip of attitude and interest in a friendship etc when you disclose your autism. I find that 9 times out of 10 it’s a complete flip reverse from any amount of communication to none. Then when you try to get them to talk to you they either stop replying (ghosting) or report you to the police to get you warned off. I got punished legally a lot when I was younger because I thought that I could talk people round. I was so naïve but I thought that people would be decent bothering to listen enough enabling them to see that I was worthy underneath the autistic label. I now realise that this was all in vain. It was never going to work.

The attitude in society when it comes to autism and any kind of related labels is appalling. I think I’m more ADHD but to change the diagnosis is a difficult long and very expensive process if you take the private route. Then it’s even harder to get the autism diagnosis removed officially and updated with ADHD. It’s all part of the same spectrum but ADHD is a branch that is a sprout off of the ASD tree. I know that women with that diagnosis don’t get so much stigma when trying to do friendships/relationships. They’re seen more as quirky natured not weird.

Anyway, back to the point… ADHD moment right there! It may be an unconscious bias in non labelled people but it’s definitely a thing. I was part of the groups of girls I was in at college (apart from the main girl who made themselves the boss of the group, they never liked me because I wouldn’t collectively think with the group) until I disclosed my autism or my issues manifested. Then I was pushed out of the friendship group. It’s the same every time.

People say they’re 'cool' with autism, that they are all about acceptance and inclusion… until it enters their reality. Then they separate their bias into the form of saying it was an isolated situation when it showed how unaccepting and ignorant they were as a person. They hate seeing that as their own reflection. They like to think that they’re a nice person so they deny that they hurt someone with an autism diagnosis or did them wrong at all.

When I got put on attendance plans because of disclosing my autism and related behaviours to college locally back when I was doing my GCSE’s. The psychology tutor, a laid back middle aged guy, said to me on the quiet that ableism was a thing etc, that I had a right to say something. He saw what went on between the staff in their room. The plans they put me on made it ten times more stressful to complete my qualifications which I needed.

I saw others with health problems including mental illness be allowed to hardly attend as well as communicate via Facebook added to the tutors personal profile, however, I was being treated totally differently.

There was a person that threatened me a recently with the police and calling me a stalker who the daughter of one of those college tutors (I haven’t been near, seen or communicated with this person in a long time, they’ve blocked me on social media and she was one of the ringleaders of the bullying from staff at college). That is the kind of bullying I have to put up with after disclosing I have autism. I never got support. I only got bullying alongside a load of stress. I got punished for saying I wasn’t happy about how I was treated. Then I have to put up with threats and being called awful insulting things in the community. Welcome to the reality of being openly autistic. This is why many people chose to not be open about their diagnosis.