The Seventh Blue Bird

It had been two years since the sides of her mouth curled upward. Natasha had dropped out of school to chase after a boy she had met that summer. She didn’t know what drew her to him, but she was nuts about Travis. They ran away together and, at the time, she truly felt he was the love of her life. Then, a month into the relationship, things began to change. Natasha discovered the true nature of her lover. He was a narcissist and now she was sure of it. He forced her away from close family and friends, fearful they might persuade her to leave him. She became a far removed version of herself. Who she was had withered away into nothing. Now, in the form of a shell, she took demands and mostly kept quiet. She felt like a stranger living in her own body. It was as if she had been brainwashed. Sometimes she felt she had been. Every day she grew increasingly numb to the pain. Eventually, the vacancy of her emotions began to shift. Something stirred inside her and Natasha couldn’t ignore it any longer. She was angry, but not with Travis. Her feelings for him were mostly those of resentment and compassion. Knowing what he had experienced as a child was part of the reason she put up with the abuse. The anger she felt was directed at herself for giving away her control. She had to find a way out of this relationship or it would destroy her if it hadn’t already.

One dewy evening, things were particularly tense. As they journeyed down to the city, an all too familiar tension filled the vehicle. Travis barked at her, “How could you be so stupid? Huh? You went the wrong way. What’s the matter with you?” A tear rolled down Natasha’s face as she tried to think of a response that might resolve the issue. She knew any reaction would lead to more chaos so she swallowed her pride. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “That’s all you ever have to say. Sorry isn’t good enough when you keep acting a fool, Natasha. I can’t do this anymore, look what you make me do to you,” he declared. This wasn’t the first time he threatened to leave her. In fact, it seemed this was becoming a regular ritual of his. She was used to it, so she begged, “Please, I swear I’ll learn. I just want to make you happy.” The words tasted sour in her mouth as if they were spoiled because they were untrue. “It’s not good enough, it never will be. I mean it this time. When we get back from the city, I’ll give you your things and I never want to see you again,” said Travis. Shaking, she anticipated an accident while driving next to a cement barricade on the highway. Finally, she noticed a familiar exit and knew they were close to their destination.

When they arrived in the city, he was quiet. They were supposed to meet with a producer for his music career. “Fix your make-up, you look crazy,” he muttered. Once she was finished reapplying mascara, they stepped out of the car and headed down towards the main strip. They got to the studio and Travis looked at Natasha. “I think I oughta go alone,” he said. This upset her, but the only acceptable answer was “okay.” “What are you going to do in the meantime?” he asked. “I could find a shop or cafe and wait there,” she said. “Okay that’s fine but don’t go too far. I don’t want to have to wait for you to get back here,” he said. She wondered if he could hear how unfair he was. Natasha began walking and decided to turn off the main strip. She was under the shade of the buildings now and her hands turned cold as ice. As she slowed down to take a smoke, she stepped into a puddle. Oh great, she thought. Another reason for him to be mad at me. When she glanced down to check her shoes for the damage, she noticed an object on the ground next to her. As soon as she reached down to pick up what appeared to be a book, her phone rang. “Hello,” she answered. “We were an hour too late for the meeting,” Travis said with no emotion in his voice. She could taste how bitter his words were. “But, you told me it was at 2:30 on May 26th. I marked it in my calendar and everything. I swear. I swear Travis!” begged Natasha. “You’re so stupid. I told you 1:30,” replied Travis. She thought about how silly a mistake she had made and how it could have been either one of their faults. It didn’t matter because she would always be to blame, even when things were out of her control. “I’m not stupid,” she replied. He laughed, and then fell silent. “Oh yeah? Just wait until I see you. Let’s see what you have to say then,” he whispered. She felt in her pocket for the keys. Where were they, she thought. She swore she had them. “If you’re searching for your keys, I have them. I couldn’t risk you leaving me here. What do you take me for? A fool?” Said Travis. Her heart sank to her stomach. Her tongue was in knots. She couldn’t speak. “Answer me Natasha, or I swear I’ll leave you here and take everything from you.” “You’ve already taken all that you can,” she said. Heart pounding, she stuck the notebook in her back pocket. No car, no money, what was she to do? Where was she to go? “Oh Natasha,” She looked back and saw Travis

“I have your keys, we can sort this out on the way home” Travis attempted to coax her. He was always going to have something over her, Natasha realized. "You've already taken everything you can from me. I can't do this anymore. I'm not happy." He began to sob, "Natasha, you don't mean that. I'm sorry. There is something wrong with me. I need help. Please, come with me." Travis was walking toward her now. Natasha watched him in shock for a few moments and realized it was all an act to bring her right back into his web. She stumbled backward, tears rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably now. He began to walk faster. "Get away from me," she called out as she turned. Running now, she could hear him chasing after her. Lucky for her, running was her strong suit. After she turned a corner Natasha tried to think of a plan, but she had no idea where she was. Travis grew up near this neighborhood, so he had that to his advantage. Once she cut down another street, she noticed people up ahead. If nothing else, she could use the crowd as a temporary distraction. There were a few shops on the right-hand side. Natasha slid into a bookstore and was now breathing heavily. He will never come in here, she thought. “Can I help you?” a voice called out. Eyes still fixed on the window, saw Travis looking up and down the street. She turned around and quickly stepped over behind a bookshelf to bury her head. “Um I’m just looking, thank you,” she exclaimed. The bookkeeper was an older man and wise enough to sense danger. “Why don’t you come with me and we can fix you a cup of tea,” said the bookkeeper. Natasha looked over at the door, Travis was now peaking in neighboring stores. “That would be nice,” she said as she hurried towards the man behind the desk.

They went to the back of the bookstore where the man had a nice little seating area. “Take a seat where you like. Make yourself comfortable,” the bookkeeper insisted. Natasha thanked him. When she sat down, she felt an object in her back pocket. She completely forgot about the notebook she found before the chase. It was rather small and the cover was black and soft in texture. Natasha wondered if it were made of leather. She always loved to draw and she was pleased to come across such a fine notebook. Lifting the cover open, she came to discover a blank page. When she turned to the next page she was puzzled by her discovery. The book was hollowed out and sealed shut. Examining it closely, she discovered a panel in the back of the book. When she slid it open, she could not believe her eyes. There were two wads of cash, all hundreds. The bookkeeper came over with the tea. Hurriedly, she tucked the book away. She thanked the bookkeeper for the tea. When he walked away, she sat there drinking her tea, pretending to read her notebook. Meanwhile, she counted the money. Twenty-thousand dollars cash. She lay the book in her lap and continued to sip the tea. She sat there for a couple of hours and talked to the bookkeeper. He was an interesting man, having traveled all around the world. She always wanted to travel. Natasha confided in him about Travis and all of the terrible things he put her through. It felt good to tell someone. Like water down a river, the words began to flow out of her uncontrollably. Once she started she couldn't stop. It occurred to her that she was safe now. It was getting late in the day and the bookkeeper was sure to be closing up soon. She said, “Thank you so much, Mr. uhh I never did get your name.” “Eustace,” he said “And it was a pleasure…” “Natasha,” she said. They smiled at one another and then she walked out of the tea room and through the book store. Cleaning up now, the bookkeeper was shocked. There under the teapot, was a stack of money. He grabbed the money and hurried through the book store. Thinking the amount was a mistake, he tried to catch her. She was in a cab and out of sight by the time he reached the door. "Where to," asked the driver. Natasha's smile lit up the cab.