The Comparison Trap
Finding the beauty in uniqueness.
Lately, I noticed I'm comparing myself to my peers. Some are having babies, some are fully in their careers, others are traveling the world while others are buying homes. It's easy to look around at the people outside of me and then compare what I see to my own life.
In my early adulthood (age 18 to 22ish), possibilities of what I could do and become were unadulterated by life experiences. Freshly out of high school and away from home, I was getting my first taste of independence. The world was my oyster. I held the strong belief I can mold my life into anything I want. I created a timeline for myself of when I expected to be engaged, get married, buy a home, and start a family. I thought about my career and what my ideal job title would be. Those events were planned to happen at different ages spanning from my late 20s to my early 30s.
As I'm now in my early 30s, I'm not where I thought I would be. While I have fulfilled some of those expectations, certain areas of my life don't look how I expected. To rub salt to the wound, peer x, y, and z, have seemingly fulfilled those desires I had for myself. I can't help but to wonder what happened with me. We were all equal in college and as teenagers. What happened in the time from then to now? Did I not work hard enough? Why haven't I reached their level? I surely want and am deserving of those things too, right?
Taking a step back from the train of thought that chips away at my self-esteem, I remind myself we are living different lives. We are the same in being human, but we value different things. That coupled with having different upbringings and opportunities also points to why we are in different places. Even as I reflect back on what I wanted when I was 20, now as a 30 year old, most of those things have changed as I've experienced life.
Yes, things could be different, but who's to say one is better or worse than the other? I don't know what they endured to live the life they are now. We didn't go through the same traumas or experiences. Our life paths are unique and scrolling social media doesn't always help. It's great to keep us connected, but it can also be a reminder of the things we don't have.
Social media is mostly a highlight reel. People showing their highest moments and proudest achievements. But what we don't see are the lows. The depths at which they had to fight their way back from. Nowadays, every post is put through a filter. Everything is curated in some way, shape or form. The filter either being aesthetic edits or the filter of only moments people want us to see. We must take it with a grain of salt. What is not being shared? What does this person's real, every day life look like?
Don't fall into the trap of comparison, because once you begin doubting yourself or believing you need to be somewhere else, you fail to see the beauty in front of you right now. Don't chase a superficial, edited life. Instead, focus on what you do have. Life is too short to spend it comparing yourself to others. Yes, things can always be better, but they can always be worse too. Be grateful for what you have and where you are. Besides, if you get the things other people have, that doesn't guarantee you'll be happy. More money, material things, or experiences come with their own set of struggles. Focus on you and what you want. Then go for it. Comparing yourself to anyone other that who you were yesterday is, in my opinion, a waste of time and energy. Time and energy that could be used building a life you're proud of.
Release the distraction of seeing what others are doing. Tune into yourself. This life is yours and yours only. The trap of comparison is that it'll keep you feeling like you're not enough which is absolutely not true. Wanting better for yourself isn't wrong. Make sure what you want is because you truly want it. Not because it's what you think you should want.
Happiness is a choice. External things are only temporary. If you're unhappy to begin with, nothing can truly and deeply fulfill you. You are in control of your thoughts, which influences your perspective in life. Think positive, see positive. Think negative, see negative. If you think having someone else's life will make you happier, then ask yourself why. Why do you think that? What is it about their life that is so appealing? How can you manifest that in your own life in a way that celebrates you as an individual? Don't just daydream about someone else's life. Use it as a guide to find out what you value. When you really get down to it, do you want their life or do you want the feelings you think they're having from the experiences you're witnessing?
For me, it's the latter. I see the joy in my peer's face when they're spending time with their newborn, or when they're gathered with their closest friends at a tropical location. It looks like they're having the time of their life. I want that. I want to also be having the time of my life. That doesn't mean I have to be having the same exact experiences as them. I find joy through other avenues which lead me to loving and cherishing my life. Also, I keep in mind, that while I see the joyous moments, there is the other side of stress that comes from those experiences. That's not to say my peers aren't grateful for what they have. For them, the memories are worth the trials it took to get there. I respect their choices even if I have not or would not make them myself.
I choose to appreciate my life by showing up for myself everyday. I have survived many adversities. I am on my own unique path. I honor my life by living it. Trying to become someone else or feeling bad about my life negates everything I've been through. My life is beautiful and nuanced. Just like yours. We are all on our own path. Everything is happening in divine timing. Maybe I'm not getting what my peers have because my life has something far greater waiting for me. I can't predict the future, but that's what I'll keep telling myself to feel better about where I'm at now. Lol.
Just like a video game, I have to reach a certain skill level before certain things are unlocked. Comparing my game progress to someone else's can do one of two things: it'll have me feeling inferior and questioning my abilities or it'll push me to dig deeper and work harder at leveling up. One is debilitating while the other is invigorating. Whichever I choose is entirely up to me. Though, what I must remember is everyone's game is different. If I played your game, I would get a completely different outcome than you. Just like you would if you were playing mine. Some levels may be "easy" for you to progress through, while you may get stuck at another that was simple for me. That is the beauty of our uniqueness.
Focus on your journey and love others through their own. We all go to the same place at the end anyway. No material things from this existence follow us there. No one is lesser or greater there. We are all equal.
~
Love your life and live it.
Live your life and love it.
❤️🔥
About the Creator
Lan 🌞
Artist with many facets, diving deep into exploring the human experience. ❤️🔥
Christmas is Not Always “Beer and Skittles”
If you find the holiday season challenging, you’re not alone. I have never been a big fan of Christmas. I have always found it a bit pretentious. It is a time for kids, really. I have not had kids in my life, so the "children's influence" around this time of year doesn’t occur.
By Calvin London20 days ago in Psyche
From Surviving to Living: When Rest Becomes an Act of Courage
When Survival Becomes a Lifestyle — And You Forget How to Live There is a quiet shift that happens when survival lasts too long. At first, it’s temporary. You tell yourself, “I just need to get through this phase.” Then weeks become months. Months become years. And without realizing it, survival stops being a response — it becomes a lifestyle. You don’t notice the moment it happens. There’s no clear breaking point. Just a gradual narrowing of life. Your goals become smaller. Your dreams become practical. Your emotions become controlled, managed, muted. You stop asking what brings you joy and start asking what is necessary. What is efficient. What is acceptable. And slowly, living turns into managing. The Hidden Cost of Constant Coping When someone lives in survival mode for too long, their nervous system adapts. It learns to stay alert. It learns to expect pressure. It learns that rest is risky and stillness is unsafe. So even when external threats disappear, the body doesn’t get the message. This is why many people feel exhausted without knowing why. Why calm moments feel uncomfortable. Why success doesn’t bring satisfaction. Why peace feels strangely empty. It’s not because something is missing. It’s because your system was never taught how to receive ease. You learned how to endure. Not how to enjoy. Why Letting Go Feels Harder Than Holding On Letting go sounds simple in theory. But for someone who survived by holding everything together, letting go feels like failure. You weren’t rewarded for resting. You were rewarded for coping. For staying strong. For not needing too much. So your identity formed around function, not feeling. This is why slowing down can trigger anxiety. Why saying “I can’t” feels shameful. Why doing less feels like becoming less. Your worth became linked to effort. And effort became constant. Healing Is Not Becoming Softer — It’s Becoming Safer Healing from long-term survival is not about becoming fragile. It’s about becoming safe. Safe enough to pause without panic. Safe enough to feel without rushing to fix. Safe enough to rest without preparing for collapse. This kind of healing doesn’t happen through motivation or discipline. It happens through permission. Permission to stop performing strength. Permission to disappoint expectations — including your own. Permission to exist without proving anything. At first, this feels unnatural. Because survival trained you to believe that safety must be earned. But safety is not earned. It is allowed. Relearning What Living Actually Feels Like Living is not dramatic. It doesn’t always feel exciting or intense. Sometimes, living feels quiet. Neutral. Ordinary. And for someone used to survival, that can feel unsettling. But calm is not emptiness. It is space. Space to notice yourself again. Space to feel preferences instead of obligations. Space to choose, not react. You don’t suddenly become a new person. You simply return to parts of yourself that were postponed. A Different Measure of Progress Progress is often measured by how much you do. How fast you move. How productive you appear. But healing progress looks different. It looks like stopping before burnout instead of after. Like resting before you collapse. Like saying “enough” without explaining yourself. It looks like choosing sustainability over intensity. Truth over performance. Presence over pressure. This kind of progress is quiet. And because it’s quiet, it’s often overlooked. But it is real. A Closing Truth If survival shaped you, it’s not your fault. You adapted the way you had to. But you are not meant to live your entire life in adaptation mode. You are allowed to soften without losing strength. To rest without guilt. To live without constantly preparing for impact. You don’t need to become more. You need to feel safe enough to be. And that shift — from surviving to living — is not weakness. It is the most honest form of courage there is.
By Med Abdeljabbarabout 12 hours ago in Psyche
📢 Raise Your Voice Thread: 01/08/2026
Our “Raise Your Voice Threads” are hosted most alternating Thursdays at 12PM ET to offer creators more avenues to uncover exceptional stories on Vocal. As we are continuously searching for fresh creators and inspiring stories, this thread provides an opportunity to exchange and discuss the stories that have moved and motivated us on Vocal.
By Raise Your Voice by Vocal4 days ago in Resources
Comments (7)
Like warnings on cigarettes, I think all social media sites and apps should have the mandatory warning published: "Social media is mostly a highlight reel". And maybe, "Believing all this could lead to serious mental health disease" Thanks for sharing... Comparison is a killer!
I related to everything you said! This is perfectly written <3 I fall into this trap so ofter and as someone whos now going to be 40 soon I find myself doing it a lot more. Until I take a step back and realize that even though my life doesn't meet what society deems as "normal" doesn't mean I haven't had a great and fulfilled life in my own right. It's why I've always felt like I went against the grain of those norms, because not everyones life path will be the same and thats okay <3 "Comparison is the thief of all joy." Congratulations on top story!!
What a very important message for all ages specially young adults
wow
The last two lines are the way to go, and thank you for sharing how you got there
This is such a powerful reminder. Your perspective on life being like a video game really hit me—it takes the pressure off and makes the journey feel more purposeful. I love how you highlight the beauty of uniqueness and the importance of honoring our own timing. Thank you for sharing this wisdom—it’s grounding and uplifting at the same time.
Social media makes it so easy for us to disconnect with ourselves as well as the people around us while feeling as though we’re really connected. That’s the great illusion of comparing ourselves to others as well—we think that we’re just doing it to show interest in other people’s lives, but really, we’re doing it to disconnect with what we’ve actually achieved ourselves and what we could/want to achieve on our own by making it seem like we’re not good enough in comparison. That way, we have no fear of failure because we never try. (Sorry, that was a bit rambling. Thank you for the article!)