"What you're not changing, you're choosing."

At first glance, it seems like I'm a product of my circumstance. Things are happening to me and I don't have any say in what happens. This life I was given, the people who raised me, the beliefs I inherited from my family. All of these were out of my control. I didn't ask for any of these, but yet, here we are.

As I age, I find myself growing frustrated with my circumstance. From my late twenties to now having freshly turned thirty, I feel a heaviness. There's this layer of comparison: what I thought my life would be to what it actually is.

I keep a rather optimistic outlook on life. I have faith that my life will actualize into the grand vision I see for myself. So to have this feeling of heaviness, it's unusual. I am curious why I feel like this. Where is this feeling coming from?

Not every area of my life causes distress. Actually, I generally feel good about where my life is heading. But, I digress.

When I think about where this feeling is coming from, I find it's because I'm stagnant, idling. I have these ambitions and they are materializing at a snail's pace, if at all. Knowing I am capable, I'm frustrated. If I'm so capable, then how come x, y, and z hasn't happened for me yet?

Analyzing my day to day, I believe I don't have enough time to get every thing done. The days are slipping by and time feels like it's going 1000 mph. It almost feels like a dream with how quickly the days come and go. I am flying by the seat of my pants, barely able to get my most basic responsibilities sorted. I genuinely feel like I don't have time to stay still and plan out my week. It's like I have to get moving now otherwise the day will be over already. This brings on a sense of urgency on top of anxiety from said lack of planning. I feel out of control, like the day is running me. The clock's ticking away and I'm playing catch up all day. I feel paralyzed. I can't find the strength within me to discipline myself to start cranking away at my dreams. I become avoidant which only worsens my morale. Next thing I know, it's been half a year of feeling like this.

---

"What you're not changing, you're choosing."

That one hits so hard.

This resonated so deeply with me because it pointed the finger back at me. It urged me to look at the role I have in my own life and take accountability. It's so easy to feel crappy about my life then want to point the finger at someone or something else.

It's my job's fault for being so demanding. It's society's fault for requiring us to work to make money to survive. It's my parents' fault for not better equipping me with life skills. It's because of whatever that's outside of me. It can't be me who is the problem. All these external things are preventing me from reaching that next level of myself. They might even be actively working against me.

We can see the ego doesn't want to admit its faults. The ego is self-serving. It manipulates you into thinking there's no issue with you because its number one job is to protect you and how you view yourself.

But when we remove the mask and look honestly at ourself...

What I'm not changing, I'm choosing.

I look at the choices I'm making in my life today.

The feeling of not having enough time is because of the choices *I* am making, not from external things out of my control. When I get home from work, I eat dinner and get on my phone to "decompress" from the day. That itself isn't the issue. The issue comes when I finish my dinner and continue to sit on my phone–scrolling, switching from app to app looking for that next hit of dopamine. Those one, two, and sometimes even three hours on my phone could have been used differently, doing things that actually recharge and inspire me.

I am in awe because I straight up gave my power away and didn't realize it until now. I stopped being an active participant in my life and instead *chose* to accept the things that happen(ed) to me as the end all be all. I didn't have to think as much. My ego was satisfied. How can I be at fault if I'm not the one making the choices for me but instead my circumstance is? I wasn't taking accountability for myself. I let life move me in whatever direction it wanted until one day I woke up and wasn't happy with where I ended up.

When I take accountability for myself, I begin to remember how powerful I am. I *do* have a say in what direction my life goes. I can change the things in my life I'm not happy with. I do have the power to make a difference. It may not happen right away, but the small, every day choices I make now, will create the reality I live in the next six months to a year. Maybe even sooner!

If I'm frustrated because I inherited poor skills from my parents, then I must take it upon myself to change that. Just because that's where I'm at doesn't mean that's where I have to stay.

I also find forgiveness and grace for my parents. This is their first time as parents and there's no magical handbook that gives them all the answers. I believe they did the best they could with what they had.

It's up to me now to know my weaknesses and strengthen them.

---

I share this as an invite to you. Take a look at your life. What areas are you unhappy / could be happier with? Do you notice a recurring theme in what you complain about? What choice(s) can you make to improve your situation?

You are more powerful than you know. You have an opportunity each moment of every day to begin creating the life you've dreamed for yourself. It's the small choices that will add up to big results. You don't have to be a bystander in your circumstance. Take an active role in your life. If there's something you want to be different, I wish you the courage to make it so. It's never too late and you're never too old (or young).

❤️‍🔥

Bonus! Speaking of dopamine and scrolling on social media...

I saw this image recently. 👇🏼

I saw this while laying on the couch, scrolling...lol the irony. I take this above graphic as a guide. Switches I can make today that will give me the energy to continue showing up for myself.

Slowing down and rest is huge for me. Feelings of not having enough time really mean I need to choose better choices when it comes to managing my time. Those choices will be easier to make when I don't feel tired and spread thin.

Alright, go out there and be the change you wish to see! ⭐️