The 24 Year Haul

Simply put, my life hasn't been easy. Its been quite tough, actually. This is unfortunately the way it is for so many young people due to the fact that the world just plain sucks. I'm so tired of talking about mental health and therapy as if it's a bad thing. It's still a taboo topic which is why many people, young and old, including myself are scared to talk about it or to get help. I personally think about mental health as if it's a disease, because it is but instead of it being physical its emotional/mental. I think that employees should be allowed to take mental health days like any other sickness but unfortunately big corporations like Taco Bell (speaking from experience) don't care how you feel and think if you need a mental health day that you're just trying to get out of work. To them you're just a number.

If we treated mental health like any other disease I feel as if there would be lower suicide rates, especially in youth and the LGTBQPIA+ community. I myself didn't want to accept that I have a problem and that I'm in need of help until a few years ago. I was suicidal as a teenager due to the fact that I was bullied so badly in school for being "different", I just didn't fit into the box that everyone else did due to being overly bubbly and "annoying". I have never felt like being myself is enough until recently. I was bullied at my old job for being myself, and for not being like the others there. I've only found a job recently where I'm accepted and don't have to be afraid to be myself because individuality is encouraged. I'm learning to love myself one day at a time.

So you may be asking yourself, "Jordyn, what mental health illness do you personally suffer from that would make this a topic I would want to write about?"

I suffer from severe PTSD or post-traumatic stress disorder. It basically means that I've gone through a whole lot of crap in my life that makes me have flashbacks and depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD include but aren't refined to: mild to severe anxiety and depression, nightmares, insomnia, flashbacks, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, overeating or under eating, separation anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. I unfortunately deal with all of those symptoms, sometimes daily it just depends on what is going on in my life at that moment.

My parents got divorced when I was 8, my dad got in a car accident shortly after and lived, my mom got arrested in front of me at 9 because my dad's girlfriend at the time told the police my mom hit her when my mom and dad got into an argument, shortly after that my dad died suddenly because he was hit while walking on the road at night by a drunk driver, we never found out what truly happened because the guy who hit him was a retired highway patrolmen so they covered it up, then I hit puberty super young at about 10 and started developing breasts and I was bullied for that and also having acne, I was bullied so bad in middle-high school I changed schools twice, tried to kill myself at 15, ended up in the mental hospital for a week, got on my first meds, meds made me crazy, went insane, my mom became increasingly emotionally abusive as I got older and called me fat all the time, I gained a bunch of weight because of my meds, I'm fat now, my grandpa groped me on purpose when I was 21, I still have to see him everyday because my family doesn't believe me, and I've had countless failed relationships because I have "daddy issues" due to not growing up with a dad.

I think that about sums up why I have PTSD, I've gone through a lot but so have many other people my age and older. End the stigma, help others like me get the help they need and deserve. Let them know they're not alone, I make sure I do, and together we can help so many people who are struggling in life. We need to do better and be better to make our world a better place to live.

Thank you for reading,

Love Jordyn