Taking Time to Explore Inner Landscapes

There is bottomless silence, broken only by the deep breaths of a slender, naked figure as he pushes further and further down a lonely tunnel. He is surrounded by palpable darkness but moves forward with intention.

The tunnel opens up into a gaping cavern. Here there is light. Not the kind of warm and inviting light given off by a nighttime candle or a winter's hearth, but a dull luminosity that extends in every direction within the cavern. The man looks around but cannot identify the source of the light. He senses a difference in this cavern and pauses at the entrance. Previous caverns had been crowded with crystalline self-loathing and memories of regret but this cavern contains a gritty sense of depth.

He grimaces, takes another breath, and walks gingerly across the rocky, uneven floor. With each step, his mind opens and expands to touch an unfamiliar reality. As he reaches the center of the cavern he falls to his knees, overwhelmed by a newfound recognition. His head sags and tears fall onto a dirty floor. Images of his son kaleidoscope through his mind. He sees his son alone and sad, dejected after an angry word or outburst from his father. He sees his son hate himself. He watches him repeat bitter words and learn to despise the reflection in the mirror. He witnesses emotional barbs sunk deep into his son's skin and experiences how they bite and pull. He sees his beautiful son suffering because of his father's inability to love himself. The awareness is too immense, too colossal. The man falls to the floor, overcome.

Some time passes and the images fade. Gathering his strength he pushes himself upwards and moves towards a dark, oily puddle near the cavern wall. The puddle shimmers with an illusive gloom. He takes a step forward and crouches down with one hand outstretched. Before he can be dissuaded, he scoops up a handful of the liquid and slurps it down. He is instantly wracked with grief so deep it feels ancestral. He falls onto his back and cries out in pain as the poison courses through his body. His mind becomes a flurry of activity. It replays past incidents where he had chosen poison over antidote, pain over love. He sees the flaws and conditions of his love. He witnesses generational cycles of emotional poison and obtains a clear picture of his place in those cycles. He is swept along in a whirlpool of memories.

His eyes flutter open. He sits up and notices a glowing object near the cavern wall. He walks over and places a hand atop the object. His flesh burns but he does not budge. The glowing heat continues up through his arm and into his heart. With a final burst of warmth, his heart opens. Inside, he discovers a treasure trove of true, unconditional love. He molds and shapes the love and feels it stir inside his being. He slowly identifies the many expectations attached to his love and works to untangle them.

Eventually, he removes his hand from the object. He smiles and perceives an energetic glow emerging from his heart center. The cavern's light begins to dull and the edges of the man's vision start to blur. It is time. He sits down in a cross-legged position and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he has returned to a basement apartment in a small mountain town. He wipes the moisture from his eyes and stretches out cramped legs.

He takes a few deep breaths and stands up, imbued with emotion and alive with purpose. This year, he will explore. Not just the cliffs and canyons of the local mountain range, but the nonmaterial tunnels and caverns of his inner being.