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Susanna Kaysen, Susanna Kaysen? Checks! Girl, Interrupted?

What are you going to do?

By Shanon Angermeyer NormanPublished about a year ago Updated about a year ago 3 min read
Do you see a ruler or a memory of something else?

Flashback. Nuns at Catholic Daycare in Habits. Grape juice and crackers. Even Catholic kids are selfish and mean.

Flashback. I pissed my pants. I couldn't kick the big red ball at kickball. I don't know anyone's name.

Flashback. My body is burning up. I'm going to burn to death. Wait, now I'm drowning. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Flashback. I'm watching the movie starring Wynona Ryder as Susanna Kaysen and Angelina Jolie as Lisa. There's no way that Daisy could have hung herself from a curtain rod.

Was Susanna Kaysen the writer or the actress? "Borderline what? Borderline between what and what?"

Flashback. The sociologist has come to our ghetto house to see how I'm doing since I got my son out of Foster care. "What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?" I was supposed to say "I don't know" but I said "I'm going to clean my house" and they took my kid away again.

"Susanna Kaysen? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?"

I'm going to write.

She got the answer right. It only took 2 years in the hospital. But she finally got the answer right.

When did a book or a movie or pop culture show me myself or my struggle? Was it Susanna or Wynona that I should mention? Borderline between what and what?

Flashback. The Twin Towers are burning down.

Flashback. There's homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk.

Susanna Kaysen? Susanna Kaysen? Checks.

What are you going to do?

"She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes, when she comes...."

"Oh Susanna, oh don't you cry for me. I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee."

Daisy wasn't skinny or fat. She just obsessed about chicken. But I know how painful the measurements are. I know how painful that ruler can be.

Flashback. Mommy Dearest. "No Wire Hangers!" Why wasn't Christine in the psyche ward with Daisy? Maybe Christine's mother and Daisy's father got married and ran away together.

Yay. Now were orphans. "It's a hard knock life for us!"

"Where's Daddy Warbucks?"

He killed himself in the men's ward. He couldn't stand being bald anymore.

"Who got the money?"

"The hospital, you dingbat."

Flashback. I tried to put my head through the window. Ouch.

Flashback. I swallowed how many pills?

Flashback. They gave me what? They tried to kill me?

Susanna Kaysen? Susanna Kaysen? Checks.

"Little Jack Horner was put in the corner to learn how to get the curds and whey out of the bowl from Little Miss Muffet...."

"That's not how the story goes!"

Shot. Shot. Shot.

"Who got shot?"

Did you see what happened in California? Big fires. Big big fires.

Did you see what happened to her face? It got burned.

"Get that cigarette out of my face or I will kill you!"

Shot. Shot. Shot.

"Who got shot?"

The voices made them do it. Made who do what?

What are you going to do?

"Susanna, what are you going to do?"

The answer is: I'm going to write.

Is your life story interesting enough?

Probably not.

"I think I got reincarnated from someone who died in 1971. I think I've lived many lives already."

"You put your left foot in, and your left out, you put your left foot in and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about."

"Why'd you marry him?"

"Why'd you divorce him?"

"Why didn't you get an abortion?"

"Why'd you give your baby up for adoption?"

Flashback. Mary of Scotland. "All history is forged!"

"Sign the abdication. Sign the abdication."

".... and we'll never be royals, it don't run in our blood, that kind of lux just ain't for us...."

Susanna Kaysen? Susanna Kaysen? Checks!

What are you going to do?

anxietybipolarcopingdepressiondisorderfamilyhumanitymedicinemovie reviewpanic attackspersonality disorderpop cultureptsdschizophreniastigmasupporttherapytraumatreatments

About the Creator

Shanon Angermeyer Norman

Gold, Published Poet at allpoetry.com since 2010. USF Grad, Class 2001.

Currently focusing here in VIVA and Challenges having been ECLECTIC in various communities. Upcoming explorations: ART, BOOK CLUB, FILTHY, PHOTOGRAPHY, and HORROR.

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Comments (1)

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  • Dr. Cody Dakota Wooten, DFM, DHM, DAS (hc)about a year ago

    I think this is one of your best pieces yet - Very different, but putting it in the psyche category I think is very potent and there's a lot that is revelatory here.

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