Self Awareness and Depression

As we get older and start racking up life experiences, we tend to lose sight of our true selves. Our innocence and self love can either get washed away in an instance by one terrifying event, or over the course of years of non-stop second guessing the choices we make each day.

It seems as though modern society has been nothing but a massive disgusting cake decorated in likes, followers, and so-called "engagement." Because if we're going to be talking about the subject of "honesty" here, we all know that people are now just mindlessly liking and leaving comments that have no meaning or value, just for the sake of "engaging." We've become so consumed by the hollow captions partnered up with overly filtered and flexed up images of random people whom we try to convince ourselves we "know."

No, you do not know who these people are in real life. You only know that they have over 150k followers and that they get over 5k likes on their photos. Asides to that and their daily posts of motivational fluff, you really know nothing else about the person behind the screen. But what you DO know is this—you secretly (or even openly) envy what they have. And you really don't even know why you do! Because if you're going to be 100% honest with yourself, you know for a fact that having 150k followers is not going to put $150k in your bank account.

And there my friend, is how first stage depression begins.

Stop Following the Masses

...and start being mindful and truthful with yourself. Knowing who you really are is the beginning to attracting the right people who deserve you—the true, authentic you. Not the version of you that you made up in the seventh grade and raised to be this people-pleasing pushover 30 year old.

People are cruel. They will keep taking advantage until you can give no more, and that's when they dispose of you as if you had given no value the entire time. These "people" are called narcissists (we'll talk more about that topic in another story), and they often prey on the ones who are borderline depressed.

Narcissists have no mercy, and depressed people have no sense of self-fulfillment. Put those two together and you've just concocted the perfect messy relationship that deserves to be on YouTube's Tea Spill.

First, you have to ask yourself who you really are. Have this talk with yourself often (preferably in private) and ask why you feel the feelings that you feel, or why you react to the things that you react to. From there, you'll see that the answers you give yourself will lead you to who you really are, and that's the person whom you're most comfortable being when you're alone, but are afraid to be when you're around others.

For example, I have been a people-pleaser for as long as I can remember. I always needed people's approval and my own opinion always came last, or most times, not at all. This made me a target for high school bullying, which I then took with me to adulthood. Looking back, I only wanted people to be happy. And if I could be their source of happiness, I was more than willing to get myself in sticky situations just for their own amusement and convenience.

I also found myself mirroring girls who got all the attention because to me, that equalled to being liked. But little did I know, those girls were also mirroring each other. So it was a never ending cycle of just imitating each other for the sake of being liked. It was like one big unhealthy bubble filled with needy likers and followers. Sound familiar?

Even to this day, as an adult, I still see my own co-workers and friends doing this. And I know they're not happy. Most are first degree depressed, but they will never admit to it.

As this year is coming to an end, I am finally learning how to have honest talks with myself. I'm still a people-pleaser, but not as bad as I used to be. I've taught myself it's okay to say no and it's okay to tell people that you're tired and need a nap. You don't always have to be on-call for everyone! But on the other side of that, it's also okay to be nice to people. In fact, the world needs more nice people! There just has to be boundaries. And if a certain someone has a problem with your boundaries, it's your duty to remind yourself what your priorities are and that should be self respect.

Ask yourself what's most important to you and don't ever be afraid to follow that. As the saying goes, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." In other words, you accept what you allow into your world. How valuable are you to yourself? For me, I have to value myself in order for other's to see my worth. If you can't find value in yourself, how can you expect others to do the same?

Depression and anxiety were once taboo topics. But I think we're making progress here. I don't think we will find a "cure" anytime soon, but I most certainly think that having these honest talks with ourselves about who we really are and what we truly want, and taking the necessary steps—even if they're just baby steps—to better our situations, we will lessen the load off our chests.