Life Under The Radar: A Story About Mental Illness & Other "Invisible" Illnesses

I'm living in the world, as well as you are, and it feels exhausting to just exist. When struggling with any invisible ailment; life is exhausting. The world demands you to provide for it, or it won't provide for you. It seems like there are a lot of people out there who just can do it! how though? When dealing with extreme mood dysregulation or pain, due to mental illness or other "invisible" ailments, it makes going to the store for things you want exhausting. There are some people who can do things they don't want, and they seem to manage just fine.

I always imagine my life without the invisible brick wall that stands in my way, I want to knock it down so badly. It isn't a tangible brick wall, which makes it very frustrating when trying to get through to the other side. No one is all that great 100% of the time, but when you deal with a constant feeling of dread or physical pain, life becomes more difficult than the average persons. Everyday feels like a challenge that you have to compete in - even though you never signed up for it. Have you ever had that feeling when you make one mistake? With mental illness and other chronic invisible ailments, that feeling lasts forever, and the feeling just keeps on repeating itself day in and day out.

There are a lot of good reasons to keep pushing oneself to the life challenge, but there are also a lot of bad reasons to pressure oneself to this challenge. There are so many issues with pushing oneself through to the obstacles ahead, and it all has to do with - spoon theory. Spoon theory explains chronic ailments with spoons (energy), and it entails; that people with chronic illness just use up more spoons (energy) than that of people who don't suffer from a chronic ailment. It seems like the entire reason we use up more energy than the average person - is due to the lack of understanding. When a person is suffering with an invisible illness; it seems difficult for the majority of people to understand the true nature of the illness.

It makes sense when people can't show empathy towards people with invisible illness, because, well, "seeing is believing." Most people aren't trying to hurt us, but they just can't see our pain - because they don't live in our bodies. It makes it ten times harder when you are suffering, and your loved ones can't see it. Even though you have proof through a medical professional - they just won't believe you - and they'll disregard the pain you are in. I know all to well the loneliness of being unacknowledged in the legitimate pain that is all to real, yet unseen.

When people do not acknowledge your pain, even though it is invisible to them, it becomes difficult to try to keep receiving the care that you need. When this happens, we end up feeling lost in our attempts to communicate, so we isolate. ("Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room" - Jacks Mannequin, Dark Blue) this lyric resonates with me, being disabled from invisible illnesses that are both physical and mental - you do feel alone, even when you aren't. The person who came up with this lyric gets it, and it stems from a mask you create, because you don't want to feel ashamed anymore.

When others don't understand your pain, you have to change your ways - even if it's toxic to you (at least that's how it seems). The mask you put on is to protect yourself from being further feeling ashamed - sometimes the mask won't come off - and you start to ridicule yourself. I have extremely low self-esteem, because I have been told, "It's all in your head" or "just get over it, and get over yourself." When people with chronic invisible illness tell you how they are feeling - it's not because they want attention, it's because they feel alone, and they just need reassurance from the people they care about.

In all reality we don't have to use the mask - because in the end it is only hurting us. We need to find better coping mechanisms, not as a mask, but to find a way to feel better. I don't want to feel this way, and the majority of people with invisible ailments don't either. It would almost seem as if, we are already in enough pain, and we really don't want anymore. Sometimes, even if it is invisible to you, it isn't to them. I will refer to the movie, "The Polar Express" I always associated it with my invisible chronic illness - if you look into it a little more, " seeing isn't always believing" is a true statement. What is being said in that line is - just because it isn't happening to you, doesn't make it anymore unreal for them.

Imagine; you have a lighter, and your brother/sister is holding it up to your thumb (because that's what brother's/sister's do, sometimes...), and you ask them to stop, but they don't - because they don't feel your pain like you feel your pain. The pain you feel is legitimate to you, even if they can't feel it or see it. What if your brother/sister didn't stop, because, they never had the flame on them before? Life with a chronic invisible illness, feels like this, just because you aren't experiencing it, doesn't mean your loved one can't feel their own pain. If there was a true understanding to the way pain works for individuals - I think more people would advocate for, and reassure their loved one who is suffering.

I want to end this article on one note: please listen. If you have someone in your life whom you love, and they are in constant pain, yet you can not see it. Instead of rejecting your loved one, be their guiding light. Guide the already injured person through the light at the end of the tunnel, tell them that there is hope, and reassure them that they are not alone. Please understand the people who share this sensitive information with you - is because they are trying to believe they aren't alone, and that they trust you. Help your family or friend who has Fibromyalgia, Bi-polar, or what ever it may be, help them to see that you do care. Let them know you will be understanding, even if you don't feel what they do. Let them see how you can support them through their already difficult journey to the best of your abilities. It can be difficult to believe that the person you love is hurting, but don't push them away even further, they already feel alone.