Key Differences Between A Shy Person And A Confident One

The American short-story writer, Andre Debus, once noted: "Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people."

That is such a true observation because shyness comes out of useless comparison with others, likely to make us feel unworthy. Basically, a shy person is often overcome by anxiety fear and what others think, while the confident person is driven by positivity and self-belief. Hence there is a significant difference between shy and confident people.

Shyness is an acute feeling of unworthiness, which is often a major obstacle to greater enjoyment of life. It is a sense of unease with the self, not being happy in one's skin, and a fear of interacting with others in various social situations. Shy people do not trust themselves to know the 'right' things to say, or the 'right' way to act, though there is no one right way of living life! They are loathe to interact with others, especially in a group, to talk face to face, or to share anything with them directly, because they are likely to feel inadequate. Shy people do not trust others to interact in the way they expect and so FEAR tends to determine their reactions.

Shyness is caused by low self image, low confidence, low self-belief, and negative feelings about self-worth. It is based on a desire to be perfect (or to avoid being hurt), a lack of trust, and the mistaken belief that everyone else is perhaps more perfect, which makes the shy person feel unworthy to share their company. The main idea that everyone out there is better than they are, perhaps better looking, more clever or such social experts, constantly dogs the shy person. Hence to be really shy robs the individual of essential interaction with others and new experiences, while allowing them to have a distorted view of their world and their true value. In a mild form, shyness can be dealt with by acquiring greater confidence, but the extremes of shyness become social anxiety, a definite phobia against certain things/people or even panic attacks at the thought of interacting.

A shy person does not usually invite sharing or confidences, does not like to initiate contacts and tends to focus on perceived weaknesses rather than strengths. That attitude, being rather fearful and detached, would not endear them to others, which then isolates them even further. Shy people are also self-focused and are constantly comparing themselves with others and coming out wanting. This means they lack the booster they need to feel good about themselves because they seldom get any social reinforcement from others.

The Confident Person

Confidence is not the opposite of shyness, because we all have some reticence within us, some reluctance to act depending on the moment and situation. That's natural. Neither is confidence a fleeting thing that is here today and takes a holiday tomorrow. Confidence is all pervasive. It shows itself in every aspect of our lives: the way we view ourselves, perceive our world, approach crises, the way we treat others, our readiness to exercise compassion and forgiveness, and, most important, the way we treat ourselves. True confidence is an incredible feeling because it has a few key attributes embedded in it, seven of them, in fact, which are the hallmarks of the truly confident person. You cannot say you are confident unless you score highly on each of those seven aspects, of which the top three are:

1. Self-Love

This is the first crucial attribute of the truly confident person. If you have no self-love, you have no confidence because this lies at the heart of confidence: self-love and self-acceptance, which then decide our self-esteem. It is not possible to be happy and confident yet dislike our bodies or ourselves. Any lack of self-love is a prelude to misery and dissatisfaction with our lot. Happiness begins from within and when we love ourselves and do not seek the approval of anyone, we are half-way to real contentment and the next key attribute, self-belief.

2. Self-Belief

With self-love comes amazing self-belief in what is truly possible. The People who think highly of themselves do not see barriers to achievements or obstacles in their paths. The Universe becomes their limit, as they perceive themselves as unstoppable and fearless. They believe that anything that blocks their journey can be removed because they already have the tools to remove those blocks. They can cope with crises too because they believe they can. That is the main difference between a confident and a fearful or shy person: one believes they have the power to affect their life, whereas the other person believes their power lies with others.

3. Comfort in Themselves

Confident people are happy in their own skin. They love who they are, they do not wish to be anyone else and they seek no one's approval to be whom they wish to be. That is a sure sign of a strong sense of belonging and personal security. Even when there is a setback, they know it is only temporary and they will be back in action again, because they value themselves and their talents, regardless of what other people think. They tend to do what they desire without following the fashion or being lemmings. With many confident people being natural leaders, they tend to set the pace for others and to inspire them.

In summary, there's a world of difference between a shy person and a confident one. The first is affected by fear and a feeling of inadequacy, often afraid to fulfil their dreams, while the second believes in their own strength, competence and ability to make things happen.

The effects of shyness can be reduced, and the wife of Prsident Lyndon B Johnson, gave a great idea. Lady Bird Johnson said: "The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid."

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