Do We Need Other People Around Us To Be Happy?

Someone once said: “I am not sure that the 100% of our happiness comes from within. I think we need others to complete our happiness.”

What that person is actually saying, with a 50% portion, is that, if no one ever meets another who can complete their half, they will be only half-happy, or unhappy, for the rest of their lives! But that cannot be right. Tons of people have been serenely happy without anyone else making them happy, or contributing to that happiness. Again, much research have shown that some kind of social circle is very healthy for us and our wellbeing. However, there is another equally important side to this belief.

True happiness comes from within us. It is not supplied by others, or caused by them. Friends and relatives can only enhance our happiness by adding to it, but they cannot make us happy. If you feel 'happy’ only when you are around people, it points to a lack of self-love; a loathing to spend time in your own company, and a desire for people to like you to compensate for the fact that you really don’t like yourself.

Happiness is not a destination we strive towards. It’s an inner state of being, not to be added to by anyone, but actually to be shared by them. To be a truly happy persons starts off with 100% happiness within the self, which is about loving the self, appreciating the self and valuing the self. A partner, friend or anyone else, should also be bringing 100% happiness for it to work in a glorious bond of shared happiness! That’s why it is difficult for a very happy person to co-exist with a half-happy or gloomy person, because he/she will always be taking from the very happy one, and not giving much back.

As in all relationships and interactions, only bringing 100% of ourselves to them will work. If the other person is bringing 100%, too, not taking but giving wholly and unconditionally, that’s likely to be two very happy people indeed! If we go with the 50% option, what if you NEVER find that happiness externally? What happens then? A very important question for the quality of our lives.

Friends and social interactions are very important to us, especially for maintaining our feeling of validity and identity, but they cannot replace our internal sense of wellbeing. The basis of internal happiness is self-acceptance and feeling valued. In fact, every human being, without fail, seeks the following four elements in life, in varying degrees:

• To be significant (that they matter);
• To be appreciated (for their efforts);
• To be valued (for who they are by those they value);
• To be included (a feeling of belonging).

When any of those four elements are missing, or out of sync, that’s when unhappiness sets in and no amount of happiness from another person will make us feel any better until the situation is sorted.

Equally, if we are low in confidence, lacking self-esteem and not loving/valuing who we are, no amount of happiness from others will compensate, because not accepting ourselves as we are, we would not know how to accept other people, either, for what they bring. We are likely to be full of doubt about ourselves and others, questioning whether they truly care or not.

In essence, to have friends around us is very healthy, and desirable, but if you don't, it is okay too, so long as you appreciate and enjoy your own company.

However, if you believe that only being around others makes you happy, and you fail to find that external happiness you seek, even when you are with others, what would happen then?

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