How to Optimize Your Self For Success

Those investing their time and money into life coaching or therapy are interested in actualizing themselves, reaching their highest potential, optimizing their experience in each realm of life, or at minimum, ending their psychological and emotional suffering. Therapy or coaching is intended to guide an aspect of one's experience from darkness into the light - it often involves both emotional healing and that which was once unconscious to become conscious so that new actions can ensue. Whether your preferred avenues for self-actualization are self-guided or with the help of a therapist or coach, there is a powerful practice that could significantly expedite the process - the practice of realizing the Self.

Most consider Self-realization - knowing who you are absent of the fear-based and restricting ego effect - to be a promotion of the spiritual path. And consider self-actualization to be efforts of the brain and body. But this is not true, at all. Let's take a closer look.

Imagine feeling limitless, absent of feelings of superiority or inferiority, void of judgment grounded in falsehoods and projections, and completely at peace with the present moment. This is the result of Self-realization. And self-actualization is experienced when circumstances align with and reflect our potential, goals, and circumstantial desires. It is the outer expression of your true potential and feels amazing. Real success in either realm of 'being' involves tapping into your spirit. Some realignment with truth and dissolving of distortions is natural as you venture toward realizing both your personal potential (actualization) and your unboundedness, oneness with all (realization), but intentional alignment with truth and dissolving of distortions can be very, very beneficial.

If you've spent time with a good therapist or coach, I'm sure you know that a prerequisite for significant progress is a releasing of destructive conditioning and limiting beliefs - which more often than not requires a degree of emotional and psychological healing. Healing can be a natural result of realizing the Self, in which case the active modifications of destructive conditioning and limiting beliefs is not a requirement. However, here is where things get a little tricky. We can use ideas of enlightenment to bypass necessary energetic transmutations that would allow for Self-realization to actually influence one's daily life experience. So, it is best to integrate the journey. Rather than focusing solely on Self-realization without understanding one's nuances of ego and personal trauma (not to dwell in it, but to integrate and move past it), or focusing solely on self-actualization without considering spiritual energy, one must bring attention to both. If not, our ego can simply become inflated by attaching to an image of self as 'spiritual' while we may simultaneously cause suffering for others or live out of alignment and integrity. On the other hand, if we focus on surface-level goals without considering our internal wisdom, heart-felt passions revolving around connection and contribution we end up deflated and unfulfilled- even if we accomplish our goals.

More often than not what is required to live in alignment is to at least taste the complete absence of the self as a separate being in an already existing and dangerous world. To experience the absence of all of the stories about who you think you are, to recognize the influences of culture and all else that has constructed the walls that limit what you think is possible for you. Self-realization is sort of like a state of consciousness that offers a birds-eye view of all that is. Once all constructs of mind are dropped all that is left is bliss, security, and complete serenity. This is experienced in deep meditation. It is felt as oneness with all because an understanding of existence itself - all of life - must extend from the very same source. It is the recognition that our awareness creates our experience of reality. But the way we bring this forth into our daily living experience is to attune to the certain realms of consciousness like intentional manifestation, inspiration, flow, connection, and authentic confidence.

In other words, breaking free from suffering and into inspiration, peace of mind, and an expanded life requires a special kind of commitment - a devotion to both introspection and transcendence. Inner work offers permission slips for you to realign your mind, body, and spirit complex with higher truths. To guide you in altering distortions that pull you from your center - from compassion and wisdom. As the distortions are investigated, infinite intelligence naturally readjusts your mind and body to new configurations - you grow and your paradigm begins to shift. Without exception, we have to address what has distorted our perceptions of ourselves, others, and life if we want to experience the long aspired-to liberation from our chronic anxiety, disconnection, loneliness, and insecurity. And to increase our likelihood of stepping into something entirely new.

This general understanding is important. Emotional suffering is often a byproduct of traumatic experiences that we were not capable of understanding and processing at the time they occurred. And thus, had either suppressed or repressed. Many years later, these experiences continue to manifest in our lives in ways we are not aware of. These experiences, and crucially, the fact that we had not processed them - which is to say, we have yet to gain a cognitive and heart-based understanding, our brain has yet to integrate the experiences, and our nervous system has yet to fully release the occurrence(s) - are also the sources of unwanted repeated patterns. The patterns you know you actually can change, and attempt to do so, but continue to perpetuate - despite your success in other areas of your life and your ambition, loving nature, and intelligence.

For some of us, the anxiety, depression, and frustration we are feeling results from being consumed by the idea that there is an unresolvable gap between where we are and where we want to go - what we know we are capable of. Between the present 'reality' and who you want to be, what you want to feel, and want your life to look like. In other words, your physical reality - relationships, circumstances, and feelings - is not reflecting your actual potential and desires. This is an indication that you hold unconscious (and conscious)beliefs that have their roots in significant emotional experiences that directly oppose what you desire to be true in physical expression for you.

This may surprise you - wellbeing is found in the inexhaustible source you already are, the 'you' before the stories. The first step is to become familiar with this source, this Kingdom of Heaven within. With this deep knowing, the misconceptions gradually resolve and fade away. Until the only stories remaining are in service to your highest good and deepest wellbeing and that of others.

Well-being is also about learning to appreciate who you are, including whatever habits you have developed by knowing there are reasons for having done so. These habits could come in the form of irrational fears, self-disdain, jealousy, sadness, panic, or confusing relationship patterns. It is not about rejecting these habits, which are really just intelligent manifestations of you, but seeing why they are as they are and then choosing to let them go. They formulated as a means of coping with circumstances that you (for whatever reason…age, development, culture, etc) were incapable of processing at the time they developed, which is usually in childhood or adolescence. Your most sticky habits most likely worked at accomplishing what you wanted or needed back then, but at present do not serve you. And notice, as you read this…automatically, with understanding, comes love. With love, the resistance you have toward yourself, i.e., the self-disdain you feel because your life doesn't match your idea of what you think it should look like dissolves.

It is worth reiterating here…the struggle you are experiencing - whether that is intrapsychic (occurring within the psyche or personality i.e., low self-esteem, excessive anger or anxiety, etc.) or intrapersonal (career stagnation, not meeting your financial goals, or physical health/fitness/weight goals, etc.), or interpersonal (distressing, hurtful, or confusing relationship patterns in the past or present) - results from misunderstanding why the patterns reoccur despite your efforts to change them. Remember, most undesired patterns have a positive intention - self-protection. Additionally, they are intergenerational patterns that are integrated into the mind, spirit, body complex in the most fascinating ways we are just recently beginning to discover. These intelligent parts of you deserve acknowledgment and appreciation - and liberation. You can transcend them.

If your desire is to stop excessive fighting and confusion in your most intimate relationship or to improve your finances, or physical health, what is required is for you to alter how you see yourself to the extent that you know your oneness with source, and to heal from your past. Remove the conditioning and hidden convictions that stagnate your progress and prevent your fulfillment. These steps will begin to shift your paradigm to one that will lead you to where you want to go. I invite you to take guidance from a trusted friend or professional in cultivating a powerful new way of thinking about your past, present, and future, one that is constructive. This is when things fall into place, your perceptions and your actions begin to change for the better. And this is the result of introspection and self-transcendence in real-world daily life experiences.