How stop alcohol addiction? - 4

More and more women are rejecting the traditional role of the submissive housewife stuck at home with the washing and ironing and are opting for a career. But many women try to combine the two, swapping their executive desks for a dustpan and brush when they come home in the evening. This leads to a lot of stress and they turn to alcohol to cope.

Others feel that in order to compete in a man's world they have to be like the men and that means drinking in pubs and clubs, going to bars at lunchtime, and drinking with the boys after work. It is an established fact that women's tolerance to alcohol is considerably lower than men's, and being one of the lads can even prove fatal.

When problem drinking occurs because of this or a person becomes unhappy with their drinking and wants to stop before it becomes a problem they must overcome the natural desire to blend in with the crowd. Saying no is learning to become an individual—and that's a very important quality if you want to go right to the top of your profession.

Television and newspapers portray women executives as supertough bitches and that stereotyped image has caught on. As a result, some women in top jobs may feel they have lost their femininity in the race for success and may turn to alcohol to ease this loss, unwinding at home in the evening with a bottle.

Women who do this convince themselves that alcohol is acting as a sort of medicine helping them overcome the stresses of the day. Women who regularly drink at home after work sometimes invent aches and pains, and swear they are drinking for the benefit of their health.

Drinking does not help stress or banishes genuine illnesses. The body is well able to cope with everyday tensions and aches without being tranquilized by alcoholic drinks. If you are seriously mentally fatigued you need a doctor, not a cocktail cabinet. A good way to unwind is to develop a genuine hobby that takes your mind off work and drinking. Exercise is also excellent because it builds up a strong and confident body—and that gives you a strong and confident mind.

Anna is 36, married with a baby, and head of a major department in a successful firm in the North of England. After her promotion to head of the department, her life changed. She found the job a lot more taxing, she had to discipline people she had formerly worked alongside, she was getting home later and still making the family meal and getting up a 6 a.m. every day to feed the baby. She also began bringing work home at weekends.

Soon after the promotion, she began fixing herself a drink each evening while the tea was cooking. Then she began fixing herself a couple of drinks. This quickly led to drinking throughout the entire evening. She justified this by saying the alcohol helped her relax and get a good night's sleep before waking up early to feed the baby.

Her drinking increased until, she calculated, she was spending her entire salary increase from the promotion on alcohol. Her executive position meant she was working more for less pay and doing herself damage at the same time. So Anna stopped drinking.

Her problem was she was trying to do too much. You can't run a family, look after a baby and hold down an important job. Work, family, and the home have to be reorganized.

Anna, who already had someone to look after the baby during the day, got a neighbor in to help with the housework. She made her husband prepare the evening meal and pick up the baby, and she stopped bringing work home at weekends. To recharge her batteries she took up exercise and also joined an evening class so that she had something to take her mind off work and the home.

She has cut out lunchtime drinks with fellow managers, choosing only mineral water if she goes to a bar. At first, her male colleagues thought she was being wet and tried to talk her into drinking but now they accept the situation without question. Nobody thinks any less of her for not drinking.

Anna has learned to say no to herself and to others.

Stop alcohol anxiety

Loneliness drinking

Among both women and men, loneliness can lead people to problems drinking at home. If someone lives alone there is nobody to stop them from hitting the bottle. A person who would be happy to chat away over a cup of coffee turns to drink when there is no one to talk to. These people drink at all times of the day, often stuck in front of the television.

Just how many loneliness drinkers there are is impossible to say. Their plight is rarely discovered unless they seek help. To the outsider they are just loners who rarely come out of their home, preferring to be on their own. But the drinker is desperate for company.

The answer for people like this lies with themselves perhaps more than any other group. They have to get out of the house and make friends.

As with all who give up drinking, start by saying no, in this case to yourself. Stop buying alcohol by refusing to go to shops where it is sold. Break the pattern of the day by forcing yourself to go out of the house. Set yourself a target like a walk, a bus ride, or a visit to the cinema, nothing too hard. Go to the library and ask the librarian about local groups and meeting places, they will know what is going on in the area.

The only way to end the loneliness and beat the bottle is to tell people you exist. Go to them because they will never come to you.

Lillian didn't begin drinking until after her retirement. For 30 years she was an assistant manageress in the women's section of a prestigious department store. A spinster, she found living alone on her pension a frightening experience. She had never got to know her neighbors except to nod a polite hello. Her sister and family lived 50 miles away and only visited four or five times a year. After an empty first year of retirement, Lillian turned to alcohol to brighten up her drab days. She began to drink heavily and at 64 she was drinking a bottle of wine a day and several glasses of brandy paid for out of her generous company pension. She would often go to bed drunk at 7 or 8 p.m.

She decided to quit drinking following a scare. A cautious woman, her nightly routine had always been to check her fire every night before going to bed because she had a horror of leaving it on all night. This night she got so drunk she fell asleep in her chair and woke to find the fire burning away, both bars blazing. That was it. She poured the remains of her brandy bottle down the sink and vowed never to drink again.

Lillian phoned the local reference library and asked them for a list of clubs in her area. She found there were several that met in the afternoons and, choosing the one she thought she would like most, she went along. It was the start of her new life. She quickly made friends and now finds her sober retirement filled with happiness.

Not drinking in a drinking family

It can seem a lot more difficult to say no at home when the rest of the family are sensible drinkers and like to have alcohol in the house. It seems hard but it isn't. Not drinking is a state of mind and if you don't stop that's up to you. Blaming the rest of the family is just an excuse for your shortcomings.

In this situation take command and prepare the ground. You are allowed to give yourself as much help as you can. Always have lots of soft drinks in the house so as not to feel left out when people are drinking. When others are having a celebration drink mix yourself with an exciting non-alcoholic cocktail. They're having a treat so have one yourself. You'll find plenty of ideas in Part Two. Don't overdo the exotic concoctions, that way they are more special when it comes to big occasions. Keep a good selection of fresh fruits, mixers, and syrups to hand—the day you run out, that's the day someone will crack open a bottle of champagne and you'll feel left out.

Don't try to force the rest of the family into not drinking (but do talk to them about it if there is cause for concern about their consumption); if you bully them they will only resent it and may even try to break your resolve to stop.

In a short time, your interest in alcohol will go completely and you will ignore other people's drinking without another thought.

Saying no to yourself

Saying no to yourself when there is nobody to chide you, or make you feel guilty, or, just as important, praise you, is the ultimate test. It is just you, will-power and conscience. But all non-drinkers have to say no to themselves before they can say no to others; the man in the bar, the woman at the party, the executive at a business lunch, each has said no to themselves before saying it out loud.

Everyone does better with praise and encouragement. If you are alone then you will have to give yourself a pat on the back. Why not put away the money normally spent on drinks and reward yourself with a lovely present, something special like a new dress or a bike, perhaps a set of golf clubs or a video.

But most of all make use of your newfound confidence and good looks to go out and make friends. There are plenty of people just waiting to meet you.