Fight Back Cronicles

I

Yes I don't step into the kitchen, sorry mother, I don't pick the broom and take RESPONSIBILITIES, sorry mother, but that doesn't negate me, that doesn't negate my dreams like you all have crushed them like garbage to survive some lifestyle.

I don't take responsibilities right?! Yes that tea garden trip was one hell of a responsibility wasn't it? I was chaperoned also, like a puppy in a glass tub, that went perfect! Not taking responsibility my foot! I'd love to take responsibility and go out there with my nonexistent agency, only if my supreme Master would let me.

I could've had a life, I had dreams, everything could have been true if only there was a happy YES and not a DO IT LATER WHEN YOU’RE OLD ENOUGH TO NOT NEED OUR HELP reaction. Hell I don't even need it anymore, I've made my peace. I don't even care, I don't even expect anything, just admittance, that YOU f'ed up, not ME. I didn't try?! You have the audacity to turn it around and blame me?! I stopped trying because you asked me to dammit!

Admit it, just admit it that I wasn't supported just like that person was, please I beg you just admit that you had the fault and I'll get off your weak little back, just admit you didn't choose to pay when you could’ve, just admit you crippled me with one solid condition that you know would never work, just admit that you bound me with restrictions, the restrictions that were there, the restrictions that were made up too. Just validate me, and I'll let you off to your next plaything. Good luck to her!!!

How is it my fault that I feel too much after years and years and years of handcuffed feelings

II

How is it my fault if I let the feelings out after years of unlearning the years of strangled shutdown

How is it my fault that I allowed the upsetting on the day of my birthday

Something which I loathe, didn't even ask for, but am I not carrying it through years and years

Why can't I be good enough for even going on with the heaviness

Why can't I be good enough for expressing a loud silence so that others don't growl at me, while I'm growling at myself from within

How is it my fault that I let a sound come out while all of it were stabbing me

When will I be good enough for just being

When will I be innocent enough for people to love me if I allow the devouring

When will I be sweet enough for people to love me for the quiet torture of my head groping my mumbled scream

When will I be good enough for one day someone to tell me that yes...you're good enough

When will I be pleasant enough for one day someone to tell me that yess....it's all okay

III

I will end this purgatory before it ends me

I will burn it down from inside before it sends my dreams away

I will crush the dome that was here to shield, but is now swallowing me

I will let the dome get devoured into itself before it touches me

I will kick the closing doors open and let the wind touch me, let that be mine which is meant for me

I'm not sitting down on the stove that steams me away like it is supposed to

I will crush the rules of the supposed, and blow the stove into the valley of my desires, of my wishes, of what is mine

Enough of what is not destined for me, enough of passive acceptance of failures

Enough of those flying soaring ones who are supposed to be better than me

I will fly higher, I will soar broader, my wrath will make sure of that

The ocean of destiny will not wash me away

I will make the sea dance with the waves that belong to me

My story hasn't even started yet, as if the trace of the yet can't stop stretching longer, as if it wants to end with the long long yet and never begin at all

I will churn out what I want from the core of the rock that is stuck in the yet

I will write my story not the way poetry is written, but the way concrete is carved, the way castles are sculpted

My story will create me as much as I create my story

The offsprings of convention will not be my last resort of achievement

My creations will be ruled by me, and they will love me back

The whole world will open up to my world, and I will fly, with my creations as the glorious extension of me.