Am I Good Enough

When the hell will I feel like I've made it

When the hell will the torment stop

When the hell will this mud dry

When the hell will this let me go

Something happens that is wrong

Nothing happens that is also wrong

I'm ashamed, I'm guilty, I'm tired

I'm looking forward to find love...but why would anyone love me, I'm a boring little human with a boring little life with boring little stuff

I used to be a scholar in university, but now I'm not that anymore, I'm far from that

Why would anyone love me, I'm far behind those whom I used to be far ahead, I'm far behind those I used to be equal to, I'm far behind those whom I find as better than me

There are so many who are better, why would anyone even like a creature like me who used to be an idealist but now is a hollow shell, why would anyone give me their heart of flesh in exchange of my melting heart of plastic that used to beam with life but is now as good as dead.

I just left that one thing people had expectation from me with, that one thing that people were in awe of me with

That one job with no structure of office, for what, for something that has the illusion of a structure, that slow burn beginners work, what am I going to do with the structure when the value is low even after years after graduation and years of so-called employment

What will I do with this? How will I contribute? How will I be special, how will I be enough? Why would anyone love me, I never stepped into the world, I've seen the sea once only, I dance alone, sing alone, nobody claps for me, I'm literally nothing, just an existence, why would someone special love me?

Miles to go before I sleep

I've just started I know

A humble beginning, rather low

Just a few thousands, just a little capacity

So much to pour out, to show my ability

The ability doesn't match, the efforts don't hatch

Someone who never handled rejection

Someone who is buried under reflection

I'm doing well, so many more to do

So much time to spend, so many days to go

So many traumas, so many taunts

They yawn, in the lawn of my head, they haunt

So much to resolve, so much to carry, the weight keeps crushing

So much to handle, so far to go, such high to fly, blood keeps rushing

My head feels numb, blood-soaked heart is scorching dry

Every moment a wet dried clogged tear wants to burst out in a cry

I then smile, then I laugh, then I forget, then I sleep

Such a long way to walk, such a big map to keep

Miles to go before I sleep