Day 21

Day 21

Three weeks sober.

It’s only been a week since my 14-day milestone, yet it feels like a year. Time is slower and populated by a consciousness I’ve never experienced. My mind and my body have reconciled and are speaking terms again, finally listening to each other.

Whilst I’m working to transform internally, rewiring my brain and forming new, healthy habits, external changes are occurring naturally. This I must prepare myself for, armed with the knowledge that I cannot be in control of everything, even as sobriety has slowed everything down so much it’s like I’m seeing my life in pictures – it’s tempting to try to pick them up and rearrange them. But alas, I cannot.

Perspective is a gift that keeps on giving, an opportunity to choose the way I look at things, in a way that is not catastrophic and to fall forwards in the face of change, not backwards like before.

Some things I've learned...

1. TELLING EVERYONE. It holds you to your promise of sobriety when you have a wobble. And I totally underestimated how much love and support I would get when I told my friends and family. I realised, in that moment, that I had been channelling my time and energy into the wrong people, into the past and the regrets that kept circling me back to the drink. And these amazing people have been there all along, side-lined by my addiction and not even bitter about it.

2. APPRECIATING MYSELF. I've rarely, if ever, denied myself anything. Usually in the form of a drink. Now, on the good days and the bad days, I give myself things that are prosperous and enriching and it's the opposite of the feeling I got when I bought wine. It's totally unselfish and utterly liberating. #alyandaj

3. LIFE GOES ON. In fast and unpredictable ways, the world keeps turning. In sobriety, everything has slowed down - it's soothing and beautiful, but change will come in miracles and curses. It's how I choose to view it that will define me.

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Happy Sunday 😊

I’m writing furiously today for a competition, so I won’t get time to do my favourite Sunday pastime… reading.

I'm a voracious reader, and though I’m not the most academic person, I have a penchant for knowledge and love nothing more than to soak up information, especially where psychology and trauma is involved. Lately, I’ve put down the ‘spilt wine’ domestic thrillers and immersed myself in non-fiction works. Here’s some of literature I’ve collected over the last two years of studying Psychology, and more recently, on sobriety.

I would highly recommend picking up any one of these titles. They are informative, accessible, raw and relatable and in some instances, brutally funny.

Feature: “You Will Get Through This Night” by @danielhowell

This is at once an insightful memoir and a practical guide with tools to improving your mental health. There were recognisable parallels in our lives, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading Howell’s story. It’s dark-humoured with beautifully designed pages, easy to dip into and difficult to put down. Written in collaboration with a consultant/psychologist, Dr. Heather Bolton, it’s a rare yet essential reference title for any bookshelf.

1. “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by @lorigottlieb_author

2. “Not A Life Coach” by @jamessmithpt

3. “The Body Keeps the Score” by @bessel_van

4. “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by @unexpectedjoyof

5. “When the Body Says No” by @gabormatemd

6. “On Becoming a Person” by Dr. Carl Rogers

7. “Blackout” by @thesarahhepolaexperience

8. “Dry” by @augustenburroughs

9. “Sunshine Warm Sober” by @unexpectedjoyof

10. “Alcohol Explained” by @alcoholexplained

11. “The Courage to be Disliked” By @kishimi and Fumitake Koga

12. “Why Has No One Told Me This Before?” by @drjulie

13. “A Manual For Being Human” by @_drsoph

14. “Unwasted” by @sachazscoblic

15. “Kick the Drink… Easily!” by @jasonvale

16. “How to Not Die Alone” by @loganUry