Anxiety is more than just worrying

Anxiety is more than just worrying.

Anxiety is the restless nights of sleep, as you toss and turn. It is your brain never being able to shut off. It is the thoughts you over-think before bedtime and all of your worst fears become a reality in dreams and nightmares. It is waking up tired even though your day just started.

Anxiety is learning how to function with sleep deprivation because it took you until 2 am to shut your eyes.

It is every text you wonder "how do I word this properly?" It is a double or triple text in case you messed up. Anxiety is answering texts embarrassingly quickly.

Anxiety is the time you spend waiting for an answer as a scenario plays out in our mind of what they could be thinking or are they mad or upset at me for some reason?

Anxiety is the unanswered text that kills you inside even though you tell yourself, 'maybe they are just busy right now or will answer me back later.'

Anxiety is that critical voice that says 'maybe they are deliberately ignoring you.' It is believing every negative scenario you can come up with. Anxiety is waiting. It is the inaccurate conclusions drawn as your mind takes off and you have no choice but to follow it's destructive lead.

Anxiety is apologizing for things that dont even require the words 'Im sorry.'

Anxiety is self-doubt and a lack of confidence both in you, yourself and those around you.

Anxiety is being hyper aware of everyone and everything. So much so, you can tell if there is a shift in someone merely by the tone in their voice or their word choice.

Anxiety is ruining relationships before they even begin. It tells you, 'you are wrong, they dont like you, they are going to leave.' Then you jump to conclusions.

Anxiety is a constant state of worrying and panicking and being on the edge. It is irrational fears. It is thinking too much, it is caring too much. Because the root of people with anxiety is caring.

It is sweaty palms and a racing heart beat. But on the outside, no one can see it. You appear calm and at ease and smiling, but underneath is anything but that.

Anxiety is wanting to fix something that isn’t even a problem.

It’s the stream of questions that make you doubt yourself.

Did I lock the door before I left?

Did I turn off the stove?

Is the straightener still on?

It’s turning back around just to double-check.

Anxiety is the uneasiness at a party because you think all eyes are on you and no one wants you there. Anxiety is the extra shot you take and it seems like you are finally relaxing. Until you wake up the next day hung-over, full of regret and wondering what you said to whom and do you owe them an apology?

Anxiety is overcompensating and trying too hard too often to please people.

Anxiety is being everywhere on time because the thought of being late would put you over the edge.

Anxiety is the fear of failure and striving for perfection. Then beating yourself up when you fall short. It is always needing a schedule or a plan set before you.

Anxiety is that voice inside your head that is saying 'you will fail.'

It is trying to exceed people's expectations even if you are killing yourself to do so. Anxiety is taking on more than you can handle just so you are distracted and not overthinking.

Anxiety is procrastination because you are paralyzed with fear of failing so you hold it off. It is the triggers that set you off.

It is breaking down in private and crying when you are overwhelmed, but no one will ever see that side of you. Anxiety is picking up and trying again because the only thing worse than overcoming other people is overcoming your own demons.

It is beating that critical voice that says 'you really fucked up.' or 'you should feel awful right now about that.'

Anxiety is the want and the need to control things because it feels like this thing in your life is outside of your control and you have to learn to live with it.

But more than anything anxiety is caring. It’s never wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s never wanting to do something wrong. More than anything, it’s the want and need to simply be accepted and liked. So you try too hard sometimes.

And when you come across friends who begin to understand, they help you through it.

Then you realize this might be a battle you face every day but it’s one you won’t have to face alone.