Change.

Worrying is a constant voice in your head telling you, you are not enough. This voice is the most harmful because it is so close to home, because when you think of yourself or read hate, you read it in your own voice. Having that voice is crippling at times because you are so used to hearing your voice and laugh on videos after a night out or a birthday party, but when you think poorly of yourself or speak down on yourself it sounds a lot different doesnt it? It sounds so harsh like a hot knife through a stick of butter. One thing you have to change first is your outlook on your life and see all the blessings and things you take for granted. Many people dont think twice about how they will pay their bills, if they will have a roof on their head, or where they will get their next meal. This is something I know all too well, and I need to change that. Not just make more money, but to be grateful for what I DO HAVE. I have a family that is more than supportive of my choices; even if they don't agree with them or see the situation the same way I do. I also am blessed with an amazing man in my life and a new family we created. The voice will never go away but it is gradually getting quieter and more positive more often. In order to achieve change you have to accept that things need to. Change is one of the hardest things to accept and commit to. It is something you'll have to work towards every damn day. It does get easier, but all days aren't rainbows and unicorns and that's the hardest part is accepting that there has to be bad days for there to be good and bright ones. Making it through those bad days are really a test in themselves especially if they are one after the other, it gets hard to see the good side and things to be appreciative for. Nothing ever changes without doubt, setbacks, small accomplishments here and there. The best thing about the setbacks is that when you try again the next day you aren't starting from scratch but rather with experience and knowledge. You just have to continue to push yourself to keep moving forward. Though many people say, there is no time frame or 'right time' to change. The choice is something you have to figure out within yourself what you think is the right time FOR YOU! There will be many people along the way who will tell you that you're not doing it during the right time especially since COVID began, everything is all jumbled up, but being in this isolation is the best time to change. The easiest part about changing during a global pandemic is the quarantine because you are home and there is no one but yourself controlling the time, way, and pace of this change. Once it is all over and you have thought out your plan of attack all that is left is to commit to it and make it a reality. Our minds have a wild thing to them, besides being a chunk of flesh controlled by electrical impulses, they are very habitual without us ever realizing it. For example, when working out you brain tells the rest of your body what to do and how to breathe and after a week or so of training something new, muscle memory takes control. You just need to make your changes into a muscle memory in a way. You just have to repeatedly practice and continue with your change and one day it will be second nature and you wont even remember how you were before you decided to change.