Abused

Most people who have never experienced it would think that if you are abused sexually it comes from a stranger from a club or even a robber on the street. But most of the time that's far from the truth. The majority of the time it is from those close to us. People that are supposed to protect us. Unfortunately, that is the case for me as well. If I am looking on the bright side, I can say that it wasn't a family member. I was actually sexually abused by two different people. The first time was when I was about 11 or 12 by my big brother's best friend at that time. He would come and touch me and my little sister whenever no one was paying attention. At first, we thought it was a game. We would go around giggling thinking it was fun and we were pretty and cool because an older guy was calling us beautiful and rubbing on us. Soon things began to get more serious and I came to realize that something was wrong. To make sure he didn't do anything to my little sister anymore I would always distract him and let him touch me instead. I thought that was as far as it would go. I was very wrong. One day while everyone was downstairs asleep in the living room he woke me up. He told me that my mom had said for me to go upstairs and sleep in my room. I was so tired I didn't even question it, I was so sleepy that I didn't even make it to the bed. We had bunk beds and I had the top bunk so I just curled up on the carpet. I doze back off. When I wake up again he's already on top of me. I get so scared that I freeze up and don't make a sound. As soon as he entered me I made a noise causing him to cover my mouth. I just remember being so scared and in so much pain that it was like I wasn't even in my own body anymore. Even though it is embarrassing to say I also pooped on myself a little during the process. He was quick to notice. He told me to put it in my mouth to clean it off. I refused. He said if I didn't he would keep going until I have his baby. Since I was so young at the time I didn't know how that all worked, all I knew is that I didn't want to have a baby and I definitely didn't want that thing in my mouth. He finishes and all I did was clean up then go back to bed curled up in a ball. About a week goes by and I'm at school. Suddenly I'm throwing up and not feeling good. Instantly my mind flashes back to that moment. I start panicking and the school calls my mom. I eventually tell my mom what happened and my siblings ended up finding out as well. Since my mom had to take me to get tested and everything they found out since they had to ride with us. I got teased and bullied a lot at that moment. No one but my mom believed me. It was a very traumatic experience. I became depressed. I made many unsuccessful suicide attempts. There is still much more to that story but I will add more once I find out if my story can actually relate to people and reach out to others.