You got me

I once cooked meals because it was my duty to do so.

I now want to cook complex and fancy meals because I WANT to… for you.

A constantly clean house, an offer of a drink, giving up the good seat, these were expectations I was raised to do.

Expectations I’ve grown to do begrudgingly.

You give me the urge to want a clean house, to make sure YOU are comfortable.

I’ve said I love you to someone I stayed with because I thought it’s what I deserved.

I said I love you to someone who made me realize I never loved the one before him. But also who I fell out of love with and made me resent him.

I said I love you and he said “you’re awesome.” He then proved time and again that he could never love me the way I deserved. Even if he did love me back.

Now you… I have held back, but without trying, these three words have crossed my mind. Different this time, a slow, soft, safe love.

The proverbial “they” have said that a safe love provided brings forth a maternal nature. You have proven that is true.

No one tells you that when you are attempting to heal you become a stronger version of yourself who’s hyper independent. Hyper independence means walls and a natural distrust of anything good.

The hardest part of falling for YOU is that I must be vulnerable.

It’s uncomfortable learning to navigate a healthy relationship when all you’ve known is heartbreak.

But this writer chooses to try and to let love fly.