WTF, Dude? I Need Help

Public announcement:

I’m critical; I’m struggling

Anxiety is doubling

Paranoia bubbling

Like a virus in my stomach

I keep saying, “It’ll pass”

But it doesn’t; it just lingers

Then it hardens like a mass,

Like a tumor on my lungs

Or maybe even my brain

I’m having trouble breathing

All I feel is pressure and pain

And when I can’t feel pain or pressure,

I feel empty, slightly vain

I don’t mean that superficially,

Let me better explain

I mean to say I’m dragging

Slacking on acting on my purpose

But nobody can tell I’m slacking

‘Cause of what they see on the surface

I feel like I’m riding the same circuit

Running in a maze full of circles

Making mistakes, then learning

Then recycling my burdens

Into newer, similar versions

I’ve got all these different feelings

Simultaneously, concurrent

Sometimes I wish I could mute my thoughts

Just take my brain and blur it

But the more I try not to think

The more I start thinking

And I hate thinking in times like this

‘Cause then the demons start speaking

My soul, they start seeking

But they can’t have it

‘Cause I surrender to God solely

I uphold my faith in my fight

Even when I don’t follow what God told me

But when He speaks, I hear it

I really try to walk the righteous path

And not dread it or fear it

He so graciously blesses me,

I accept it humbly and revere it

Then He’ll throw a test at me

To see if I can clear it

But despite my faith and patience

I keep waiting for the day when

The hurting will be outweighed by healing

I keep fighting the urge to

Break down completely and

Let them find me hanging from the ceiling

I know I have a bigger purpose,

But will I find it sooner than

I’ll be seized by all these feelings?