We Meet Again

Well, here I am again, giving Vocal another try, three years later.

Just a few short years ago, I came across this platform, and just wanted to see how I could get paid to do what I love (at least, as far as I proclaim). The problem I faced that kept me from continuing was the same problem I face as an aspiring writer today--the fear to, well, write.

As badly as I've wanted to build a career based around my various prospective writing projects, and those to come in the future, completion is an uphill battle for me. Getting past the internal objections I give myself and combatting writer's block, among other things, ran me straight out of this platform.

Why should I expect anyone to give an iota of a concern about what I have to say? Nobody knows me. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I should stick to day jobs. This isn't going to feed my children. It isn't going to feed my hunger for success.

These are the kind of thoughts I struggle to fight through anytime I sit down to write anything. I've even written poems about how close I constantly am to giving up. But then I remember, my reason for writing goes beyond my default reasoning: my children, my own desires, my family being proud of me, etc. My reason for wanting to write has always been how my stories and my words can touch other people.

I've always been someone who has wanted to write with intention. Back in 2017, I self-published my first poetry compilation, titled, Soul Uninhibited: A Collection of My Transparent Thoughts Conveyed in Poetic Form. It was literally a small combination of poems I had written over the course of three months. I was dealing with a breakup with my child's father, trying to find a way to directly confront my emotions, but mainly to speak on my indifference in life, and my struggle to find my own purpose.

While I always loved writing prior to that, and had already been years deep into my novel, writing wasn't something I thought about doing as a career. I didn't want anything I felt I loved doing to feel like "work," although writing is always, always, ALWAYS going to feel like work.

The moment I published my poetry book, I felt a new sense of fulfillment, and decided I really wanted to expand my writing into something that became routine. However, I've always lacked consistency, as well as a peaceful enough environment to focus enough to do so.

So, here I am again, trying to gain more in habit and skill than in profit, working to overcome my fears and put life into the idea that I certainly do have a story to tell. As I type each word, I'm fighting against the same struggles as always, even feeling like this post alone is a waste of time.

Thank God there's a platform for poetry up here, too.