The Tale of Asbo Lily 25 (5 x 5)

This is the tale of ASBO Lily

Feared by the men on her estate

5 girls by 5 fathers and just 25

Fucked washing machine stuck on her drive

Loves her kids but loves her fellas

Will her kids be just like her? Only time will tell us.

Lives on handouts and social payouts

Attracts the wrong attention from the layabouts

Pissheads, pyschos, thieves and druggies

Pushing their offspring in clapped out buggies.

She used to run a car but child benefits cut

There’s no choice now but walk or stay put.

Friday night and going out on the lash

Fake Burberry purse loaded with cash.

Dressed to kill in her tight black dress

Jacket, stilettos, Black bra, Knickerless

Her aims for tonight is already set

To have fun and get drunk pull a bloke for a bet..

The working men’s club is the start of her night

Drink a lot, then more, then maybe a fight.

Out with the girls nothing else matters

Laugh and swear at the old man with glasses.

Playing his dominoes and drinking his mild

Unaware of the attention from this once problem child

Problems with old folks, Problems with race

Her parents first taught her then gave up the chase.

Her rep is gained from being once called a witch

And smacking the fuck out of a mouthy fat bitch

Onto the first bar and it’s happy hour.

So looks for a target for her to devour.

Her gob is as wide as the River Mersey

She’s the most outspoken of all her friends.

Onto the dance floor and she heads to the front.

Taking the lead in her own man hunt

Wouldn’t want anyone taking her prey

She’s waited for this long enough today.

Second bar, third bar but still no score

Her Stilettos are rubbing her feet red raw.

Downed too many cocktails and slips on the floor

Her friends lift her quickly so she doesn’t show more

Stands up laughing and straightens her dress

Looks in a mirror her make ups a mess.

.

Lippy, mascara quickly applied

Taxi to club a 5 minute ride

Past the bald bouncer who mans the front door.

Seems Lily’s had the bald bouncer before

Stilettos still rubbing her feet red raw

The dance floor looks empty no chance of a score

The girls all leave drunk in fact fucking hammered

Taxi won’t take them that drivers a wanker

Bus home, cant walk, the babysitter is asleep.

Wakes her, pays her, has a cup of tea.

Takes her shoes off and goes for a piss

This is a night she wished she’d missed.

Dress off, bra off, face off, and bed

Light off as she rests her banging head.

But she can’t settle she can’t drift off

Something is wrong she’s ready to barf.

The room starts spinning so she thinks oh fuck it

So empties her stomach in the waste bucket.

Hills and Poon

December 2022