Tesco Two Hats

This is a story I’m happy to tell

A subject on which I have many a yell

It makes me so angry and I’m forced to react

To all those people I name the Tesco Two Hats

They could be Mothers, Fathers, Sisters and Brothers.

Their first romance or perhaps long time lovers.

Vloggers, Food Bloggers, Coffin dodgers.

Get out of my way you time wasting todgers!

Aisle conversations, nothing is worse

I’m hearing poor Roy in the back of a hearse (RIP Roy)

Or the little old lady from 72

Her son found her dead on the floor of her loo (RIP)

Two hats with trolleys blocking the way

Of the priced to clear counter, with its best before dates

There’s no chance of me getting past this obstacle

Short of pole vaulting it’s well nigh impossible.

Mrs Arbuthnot is checking the fish

For this is the food she wants on her dish

Opens the packet and squeezes the fillet

It’s not thick enough she decides to leave it.

Swerving the people you don’t want to meet

Dive behind stacks of Quality Street.

Reach into handbags and out come the coupons.

For Five pence off Birds Eye chicken goujons.

10 items or less no not a chance.

An elderly woman seems in a trance

Finding the coppers they’re in there somewhere

Whilst standing behind her I pull out my hair.

Now my rant is finally over

Food shop loaded into my Rover

Done for this week so now I relax

Till I mix it next week with these Tesco Two Hats

A poem by Hills and Poon December 2022