Spaniel

"Spaniel"

“Get a job…get a real one.”
says the man to the female entrepreneur

We’re back in the age where women obey

When everything in this house was in my name before you even came

And I'm supposed to be okay with this fuckshit treatment.

Please let me know who was this before me.

If I say that you saw things as a child that made you this way

You get angry and then blame me for something that happened in 1993

And I’m supposed to take it and move on.


I’m sick of moving on from shit that that doesn’t belong to me.

And I’m sorry you saw things that you should have never seen.

Please know that they weren’t okay.

But I also cannot make them mend

I’m a black woman in America where I am also expected to fix mostly everything in.

And if I say it, I’m a bad guy

I’m the worst on the planet

I’m the scourge of an earth I never soured

One that you consistently work against the empowerment

and I’m supposed to call this shit love

when its not

its not even an apprenticeship

Treating me like everything in this house wasn’t here before you.

like I need you to live and breathe

make it all good

make it next

make it like some bum bitch who isn’t doing anything

treating some random woman far across seas better than you treat me

and then asking me to beg and plead like I’ve just been getting the best of everything that I wasn’t giving to me before you got here.

I don’t understand any of this

Acting like I will fall apart if you leave when I was the one taking care of me

But I’m like a cocker spaniel

waiting for the scraps you give since I cannot provide for myself

two months of trials

and you are finding all the parts of your ego to bring it against me

I hope this makes sense to you later when you see that you’re losing me

or do you see?

Maybe some years later you will

They never do when I'm here.

I keep trying to make better choices but I keep ending up with the same thing.

I need to fix this broken shit in me....

before I let yours break me.