So
A made up monologue of musings about the truth of things
So.
Here we are again, and you've rejected me once more.
I don't know how to take it.
Because we've been here before.
I wish I knew the rules.
Can you give me a copy of the rules?
Are there rules?
I'm scrabbling.
Trying to find an anchor with the tip of my fingertips.
Trying to find the words.
I don't know the words.
I don't know the words you want.
Words are my thing!
See? See what you do?
I'm sewn up like a wolf with stones,
The heaviness in the pit of me makes me slow
Down.
So weighted.
This is my world
And you're wrecking it -
If I let you.
So.
What needs to change?
Is it me?
I think it is.
I don't think I can change.
I think I have changed.
I think that this is the truest I've ever been.
But you don't love me like this.
I don't want to move myself into a mould,
Jammed.
I don't want to be something I'm not,
To fit.
I'd rather burst open, hurting and raw, and shed those stones
Than give them up to you.
So.
Do I stay or go?
I don't know.
Can I deal with the unease -
The tease?
Yes.
But the fog of want envelopes
And threatens to limit my thinking,
Overriding what I feel
Is real
To me.
To accommodate or
Cessate?
Is that what we're facing?
Maybe.
I don't like it.
I don't like it at all
But the intensity is not enough to push me out.
What will it take, I wonder?
What amount of disdain
Will it take
To stop the refrain?
Over and over and over again.
Reminding me of what I am not
To you.
This is hard.
But my friends have helped
As I knew they would;
Voicing my core
Exposing my ore
But shielding it with their clarity
Their reflected vision of all that I am
To me.
So.
I'll stay
With your rules
Whatever they are.
But I will not be restricted by them.
No.
Use them if you must
Against me.
Hide them if you must
From me.
I care but I will not compromise.
I am me
And I like that more than I like to please you.
***
You can listen to me read this at the link below:
Thanks for stopping by! If you read this, please do leave a comment as I love to interact with my readers.
About the Creator
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Keep reading
More stories from Rachel Deeming and writers in Poets and other communities.
Comments (11)
Holy crap. "I don't think I can change. I think I have changed." Goodness this is powerful and relatable. Really really well done. I felt this. I would love to hear this read out loud
Wow
Amen sister! I love the way this guides us through the metamorphic thought process that comes full circle. OUTSTANDING!
Powerful ideas here ! I liked this. ☺️
So many awesome lines!!! Melancholy but courageous and powerful at the end!!!❤️❤️💕
I'm a pathological people pleaser and I'm trying my best to learn to set boundaries and say NO. I loved your poem so much!
That ending really slaps hard-Beautifully written all the way through! Loved the strength of emotion and the juxtaposition of vunerabilty and strength 🤍🤍🤍
"I'd rather burst open, hurting and raw, and shed those stones." So that's why there are so many stones in my path I keep tripping on! Nice piece.
I love how this speaks to the relationships we manage with power, and these days, often power we have no access to, no way to plead our case, as the power sits hidden behind an online face. Theres a desperation there which I feel reading this.
Wow. This felt so vulnerable and authentic ❤️✨ I can’t see the poem to quote you back the lines I loved (I’m in the app) but the repetition of Again … these lines flowed so beautifully. There were many brilliant lines in this… really well done ❤️✨
Very well written and relatable!