Shakespeare Was a Eunuch
Satirical stream of consciousness take on the Bard
Shakespeare was a secret Eunuch
with no balls to speak of as such
I read it once in a journal entry
by a noble of the fallen gentry
He was ballless through and through
Physically and mentally, it's true
Insightful and thoughtful writing, my arse
From tragedy to romance and outright farce
Some of his work don't hold up to scrutiny
Controversy to rival the teachings of Ptolemy
Though often heralded as the Will the Bard
Was to pen Romeo and Juliet really that hard?
Anti-war sentiments, obsession and duality aside
It's the age difference and grooming I can't abide
For Romeo Romeo was not the great romantic lead
But rather a pervert looking to sow his seed
In the younger, impressionable and fair Juliet
Who was far from fully mature as one could get
Perhaps it was a twisted fantasy of Will the Bored
As he had nothing of value, no seed to offer forward
To the theatre darlings, royalty and harlots of his day
Stealing other people's works was his roll in the hay
Richard the Third got done dirty by Will the Beard
And what he did in Taming of the Shrew was absurd
Borderline lazy portrayals by the most human human
So-called by almost everyone, except of course, this man
Brevity is the soul of wit, so says Ol' Will the Eunuch
No legacy is so rich as honesty, from him that's rather rich
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: This stream of consciousness took a turn, to say the least. Inspired by Rachel Deeming who recommended/suggested/egged on me to write one named "Shakespeare was a Eunuch", this satirical critique emerged. Hope you enjoyed it.
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Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
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Comments (14)
Way out of left field! Haha! And very cleverly done!
Bahahaha, you fucking nut!! That was clever and hilarious, so glad Rachel egged you on :) And every time you changed the ending of his nickname, cracked me up. But honestly, if you dig into Romeo and Juliet, you're not wrong. I took an entire semester's course on Shakespeare while in college.
Haha. That was great. Well done.
I only knew about him stealing other people's works through an article that Doc Sherwood wrote. It was a shocking revelation for me, lol
Hahah! Sooooo now I feel like when people call you Shakespeare, it might be an insult now??? 😅
I am a die hard fan of anything Shakespeare (especially the cliche Romeo and Juliet), but I'll leave you with Mark Twain's quote regarding the bard since I think it's a fitting response to your satirical little stream of consciousness...."It always seemed unaccountable to me that a man could be so prominent in Elizabeth's little London as historians and biographers claim that Shakespeare was, and yet leave behind him hardly an incident for people to remember him by; leave behind him nothing much but trivialities....".
This sounds like your jealous Paul!
That food for a thought. People thought Romeo and Juliet was a romantic story. I am the only one on this planet who did not understand, Shakespeare.
I don't know whether Shakespeare was an actual eunuch or you're just making some sort of metaphor, but that is a very interesting thing to think about since his plays were all sort of critiques of the society at the time. Him being an eunuch sort of would make him outside of it, so it does fit the... profession? position? he was in.
Loved your performance poetry!!! Spoof or no spoof loving it!!!
Excellent! Shall I stir the pot here and say that Shakespeare would be proud? Loved this and the many references included.
Oh, that Rachel. Such a troublemaker! LOL Got a good laugh out of this one, pal!
This was hilarious. I love the turn that this stream of consciousness took. To be perfectly honest, I’m in the camp that believes that Edward de Vere might have written Shakespeare’s plays, so a poem like this really suits my fancy. Well done.
This is one that took a chance on a depicting a famous person of literature.