Seven years

Seven years of life

filled with chronic feelings of emptiness, violation, and unknowing

It was unbelievable, I couldn’t believe it happened

Was this real? Or was I dreaming, I questioned myself

Friends, family, happiness, all vanished within a blink of the eye

His hands touched me

From turning the doorknob of my room, to lifting my blanket

Caressing my innocent, youth body

Goosebumps from head to toe

Intense fear and humiliation arose

Feelings of shame and disgust filled my mind

How could one I perceived as a father do this to me?

An eleven year old girl doesn’t know what that means

You promoted sexual intentions

Leaving me irreversibly scarred

Projecting your insecurities

Stolen my innocence

Offensive remarks about my weight

Nights full of habitual crying

Suicidal ideation

I sought help

Invalidated my accusations

Ignored my emotional instability

Leaving me hopeless, with a lack of trust

I guess blood isn’t always thicker than water

Black sheep is how they treat me

Laughed in my face, would you guess they deceived me

Swept under the rug, turned a blind eye

Obliterated

Gaslighted

How could you pretend it never happened

How could you

Rather have said nothing at all

She knew, he knew, they all knew it

But who was willing to stand up against it

Who was willing to protect an innocent child with lack of voice

None of them

Bystanders will be bystanders

Afraid of speaking out

Cowards

Expecting them to come to my rescue

Left disappointed

Left neglected and abandoned

Solitude, my new profound best friend

Lonely, but not alone

Dark cloud hovering over

Despairing, frantic whereabouts

Peeling of the skin, red-filled wrists

Now I take medications

Zoloft, buspirone, you name it

To maintain the demon you distributed

I’m in therapy to deal with the traumatic experience

Flashbacks, nightmares, and recurring anxiety

Do you know what you did to me?

I have a diagnosis only 1% of the world population has

A diagnosis that causes me to feel insecure

Have impaired social relations and actions of impulse

Low self-esteem and intrapersonal issues

Life will never be the same

At such a young age, it has left a long-term impact on me

From the way I view the world, to how I view myself

How I approach situations and people

My lens has changed

I pray for you at night

Not for karma to bite you in the behind

Not for horrendous things to happen to you

But, for you to heal

I pray for your recovery

For you to discontinue this awful pattern of damage

Finally, I am free

Free from your deceit and lies

No more chains hooked to my feet

Free from manipulation and re-education

Finally, I escaped your hell