Seeker of Perfection

In Pursuit of perfection

I bypassed wonderful

Skipped over marvelous

Slid my eyes right past beautiful

Searching, seeking…

Yet not finding…

Perfection

Yes, I dallied here and there

Dated, slept with, enjoyed…

Some few of those…

Making temporary connections

Yet.. No true commitment… …

Always I had that yearning

That unsatiated, unfulfilled belief

That somewhere in the wide world

I would find THAT ONE

That shining Venus of beauty

THAT ONE

Who would fulfill my every expectation

Satiate my hunger

Fill the void aching in my breastbone

THAT ONE in whom I could find

Not one single flaw

So I dallied, dabbled…

Left

Behind me, some merely shrugged

Others cried

Some few were so angry

I thought I was in physical danger..

Some I even actually cared for

In my own, shallow way

But never enough to stay

I wouldn’t allow myself to … feel

Feel the extant nascent possibility

Always afraid..

Scared I would mistakenly …

Mistakenly allow myself to SETTLE

For someone Good Enough

While missing out on THAT ONE

Who would be … Perfect

So I left.

I sought

I built a model…

A model in my mind of what…

What I thought I needed

What I believed would satisfy me

Make me… Happy

So, sadly, I continued …

Searching for that most elusive creature…

Always comparing my vision

That radiant picture behind my eyes

Against whomever I was actually with

None could compare…

So I continued

Searching far and wide

Over the next hill

At the next bar

In the next town

Yet, I did not find her…

Behind me a trail of broken dreams

Possibilities left unexplored

Branching off to a myriad of paths

Paths down which I only went a short ways

Yet… Now I know…

I bypassed her

Along the way

Somewhere..

I searched for Her

Until She got lost

In a wintry forest

Around the next bend

On one of those forest tracks

She had waited

Longing for me to take

Just one more step

Down the path to HER

Now I know

In my lonely middle age

How wrong I was

How alone I shall be

Comforted only by

My unrealistic illusions

In the winter of my discontent