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WARNING – WARNING – WARNING

ALLIGATORS SPOTTED IN AREA

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Like your sneakers? Like your life?

Then stay well back, stay on the path.

Those grinning teeth cut like a knife-

Come on, do the math.

Aced the course? Just got divorced?

Hungry gator doesn’t care.

Lots of speed, runs like a horse,

You don’t have a prayer.

Get too close? Strike a pose?

Don't believe me? There's more prose:

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WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS SIGN?

RUN! RUN FAST!! GET YOU GONE!

AN ALLIGATOR HEARD YOU WHINE,

AND IS ALREADY TRACKING YOU HOME!

You thought geese were bad?

240 PSI, it might sound pretty rad,

But gators’ bite is two thousand PSI,

Leave them alone, or else you’ll die.

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DO NOT THROW THINGS AT THE ALLIGATORS

YOU WILL ONLY PISS THEM OFF

(and us, who have to deal with their pissiness after you leave)

AS BRITS WOULD SAY, GEROFF!!

***

Possible projectiles include, but are not limited, to:

Eyeglasses, sunglasses, drinking glasses, moleasses,

Drinking cups, smallish pups, guppies, cans of 7-Up,

Small children, Uncle Milton, tchotchkes by the quarter-million,

Fantasies, bourgeoisie, parts of your anatomy,

Warming pans, Taliban, someone else’s minivan,

Toys, boys, last year’s joys, corduroy, hoi polloi,

Capstones, cell phones, DVDs of Home Alone,

Bucks, does, beaus, snow, random bits of mistletoe,

Teapots, polka dots, sleeping cots, random thoughts,

Socks, blocks, docks, locks, ballot box, flying fox,

Bow ties, mince pies, and all else we might think applies.

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Look. Just…. Don’t.