no one you know is a good person
a poem on doubt, shame, trust, and other such things
are you friend or foe?
the truth is
you
and all
are both
loyal and liar
good and evil
an enigma
and an impossibility
ego is like a lung
inflating
before it shrinks and shrivels
I cannot see you half the time
behind your bravado
a shield
made of iron and steel
hubris and pain
and I find it hard to know you
and even harder
to want to
false hopes
we’ve had them before
when the light of the sun was brighter
on our faces
when the school bell still rang out
things were easier then
in a way
before we knew we’d be walking on eggshells
cracking and breaking our dreams
with every step
we’d take
rocky roads
we’ve crossed them before
deceit and fake laughter
walls built up and around us
protecting us from each other
when did we become so broken?
how naturally it comes
to hide ourselves away
your desperation guts me like a knife
and my newfound awareness
pushes me
onto the blade
I think back to a different me
a younger me
a self that would have scraped uselessly
at the brick of you
a self that was convinced
I needed soldier friends
to fight alongside
maybe the part of me I hate
still wants soldier friends
friends willing to die on the battlefield
for my comfort
while I sit upon my throne
eating grapes and drinking wine
fat and happy
and eternally unwilling
to do the same
for I am older now
and I am wary of such friendships
and I am tired of the chase
for a truth
I do not want to hear
I have nothing to prove
to anyone
but myself
yet I still ache with the not knowing
if the blade of your agony
came down on me
on purpose
if my body came before my mind
to you
my body
should have nothing to do with you
my mind
is what should matter
my mind
is a gift
revel before it
see it
hear it
know it
listen
but I know a truth
of my own
that there is a lack
a poison
an inability
in man
to respect the body
and the mind
of woman
I relinquish the shame of unknowingness
despite my repulsion
for my own naïveté
I thought I left it behind
long before I did
perhaps I still trust too much
even though I don’t look strangers
in the face
on the street
even though I am all but alone
in this world
perhaps
it is still
not enough
About the Creator
angela hepworth
Hello! I’m Angela and I enjoy writing fiction, poetry, reviews, and more. I delve into the dark, the sad, the silly, the sexy, and the stupid. Come check me out!
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Comments (7)
I know you often channel your emotions into your words, so whatever (if anything) caused this, I'm so sorry! Forgive me if it's nothing, I'm just a worrier. Just know your mind is a gift on the world, Angela. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend; and everyone would be stupid to betray you. It reminds of something I heard a little while ago: "There's eight billion people on this plant, but sixteen billion faces." It kind of stayed with me because people do have two sides to them and we don't always see the second face.
"ego is like a lung , inflating , before it shrinks and shrivels" Wow, Angela!! This was a gorgeous and evocative piece! Incredibly done! 💝✨
This reminds me that everyone has both good and bad in them. A light side and a dark side.
Sad truth of the passage from childhood to adult.
This is some deep stuff. You talk about the complexity of relationships, like how hard it is to tell if someone's a friend or foe. And that bit about false hopes and walking on eggshells really hits home. Made me think about times when I thought things were easier, but then realized they were just hiding deeper problems. What do you think are the main reasons we end up in these confusing situations?
I came to write to you same thing as Rachel - those words are jewels within this perfect piece you have crafted. I felt it all through you.
This line: "a self that would have scraped uselessly at the brick of you". That is such a vivid image, Angela. You'll find your folk. People are never exactly what you see - there are always bits hidden - but sometimes, it's the good bits that don't show and it takes trust to bring them out. This made me thoughtful.