Lotus

When you’re gone, you’re missed. I be love sick. No warmth, I be the coldest. Stuck in my aloneness. I handed you my heart, you hold it. Just wanting us to blossom through the muck like the lotus. Heart pained by your actions, but you don’t notice. You’re Unaware or don’t care as long as it wasn’t your motive. Your intention don’t diminish the damage you afflict. Blinded, so you blame and call me toxic. Avoiding responsibility saying anything to excuse it. I Given you love, and you abused it. I tell you “I love you”, and you try to refute it. I so want you to be Cinderella, but I don’t even know if the shoe fits. Maybe I didn’t get struck by Cupid. Maybe I’m stupid. Perhaps a spell was cast and I’m bewitched. Or you’re a drug and I’m dope sick. Feeling need, I’m emphatic. An infatuated addict. I don’t combat it. Willfully going against my convictions, Just to get your attention. Becoming what I’m not, in hopes I become what you want. It’s what I chose, that’s my fault. Cuz you’re what I want. And I’m willing to give up what I got, in hopes you stop; and look at me as a little more than those things you run to. I know I can’t change you. And no matter what you’ve done, I can’t seem to hate you. Takes a whole lot of strength to date you. What will it take to Marry? That vision is scary. This one would be inclined, if I could catch you in time; to get a real hold. But you play for a while then it gets old. Off to the next, whatever is new. I don’t know what you’re running from or to. You partake of these things, yet nothing satisfies. Yet you give more of you to it; then you do to I. And that’s why I cry. That really hurts. To be looked at as lesser than these is the worse. To have value, but discarded as if you have no worth. To disperse blessings only to be returned a curse. I don’t mind loving more or even first. But not being loved back, sends my soul to the dirt. As if an arrow struck my heart, it more than hurts. Silence isn’t preferred. But when Heartaches endured. It Can’t always be expressed with words. Do I fight for her? Relationship indeed in the mud. But can this lotus bloom into love? Change the vowel in lotus, and let us, try. Why? Why not?.. I love you with all that I am, It’s all that I got. It’s all that I got…