in the shade of my own darkness

you can’t see me, I’m in the dark

scary shadows surround me

this shroud was there

for the last half a year

I was not aware

trauma on trauma

already on top of the pair

it just couldn’t happen to any ordinary person

it just happened to me

I heard:

“it’s not your fault, someone else was wrong”

but why do I have to suffer threefold?

when that someone

laughs in my face

humanity stripper

a stripper of my own beliefs

everything I’ve ever fought for

in my life significant to no one

as I am the only person fully valued

in my own secret system

nowhere do I feel fully appreciated

I wonder how it might even feel

when you don’t have to do anything

to catch attention, to speak

without the resentment that holds your throat

it has to be the laziest approach

sit down and do nothing

it never happens

when I sit down without a thought

there is darkness ready to encroach

all my senses and expenses

they are then in great danger

I can’t afford it, so I’d better stay

in this shade

as long as I can

until someone finds me here

and I will start to bloom bloodily

bewitching everyone

in this darkness they all incited

knowingly or unknowingly, it doesn’t matter now

*

November 2022

***

Thank you for reading!