I would rather…
Get all my teeth pulled than eat you ever again🤮: An unsavory Epistolary. Blame Paul Stewart and Donna Renee.
Dear Spam…
We were friends growing up until I was old enough to read your label. WHO are you? WHAT are you? I’ll tell you what you are…
You are a salty glob of gelatinous filth. You are the evil wannabe of the delicatessen world. You were better as an afterthought. Pieces and parts that were destined for the dumpster, now find themselves stuffed in a can for unnatural consumption. Your leftover, square meat cakes have infiltrated the lives of many. Polluting their guts and stealing time from precious life expectancy.
You are not the apple of my eye but more like the Pepto to my Bismol. And where is your content warning? Huh!
Millions flock to you every day to praise your discolorized fakeness. If they only knew of the mystery surrounding your existence, they too would be planning revenge.
If you were an acronym, I suppose your name would stand for - Salvageable Parts Are Mandatory. Shame, shame, shame.
My words of wisdom to consumers across the globe comes with an urgent plea. READ THE GOD DAMNED LABLE!!! Thank you.
Your ex-pal
Gonna B. Sick
*
*
Thank you for indulging. Not with the spam though, I forbid it. This letter was written in response to a writing prompt encouraged by Paul Stewart and Donna Renee. Write a poem, letter, story, ect. about a food or beverage you strongly dislike. Let’s keep this going!
Enjoy some other recent dislikes below.
About the Creator
Lamar Wiggins
Creative writer in the Northeast US who loves the paranormal, mystery, true crime, horror, humor, fantasy and poetry.
"Life is Love Experienced" -LW
LDubs
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Expert insights and opinions
Arguments were carefully researched and presented
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Keep reading
More stories from Lamar Wiggins and writers in Poets and other communities.
Bruce Lee and The God of War: Kuan Ti
It starts with love.. The Power to the God Of War and Wealth Walk into a Chinese restaurant (even in Oklahoma, USA), a Chinese police station, a kung fu martial arts studio or even a Chinese temple and you often see a red faced warrior holding a heavy quan-do (spear like weapon).
By WILD WAYNE : The Dragon King5 days ago in Chapters
Comments (31)
Oh my word, this resonates! Especially from a childhood where we didn't have choices. Eww-WAH!
The stuff is gross!!! I enjoyed your humorous angle on what could be taken as a Public Notice!
Brilliantly funny! Had it as a kid but even then it was abhorrent. Even the name sounds awful. It was weirdly a staple in South Korea. No idea why considering how amazing their actual food is!
Hilarious and ACCURATE! Ugh 🤢 and it’s so popular where I live 😩
This is excellent and hilarious. I can't say I hate spam as much as you do but this may have convinced me 😂
'Sup L-Bud ~ You BreakingUP with me because I'm a Veg-e-Tarian? - Miss you! - Ah ~ The Hawaiian Delicacy/with everything ~ Just put some Ketchup-on-it. J-Bro
Just had my first since a kid last month. No more if I can help it!😂
Made me smile. Loved this
I can totally relate lol. I used to eat this until I woke up and realized it was horrible for me.
haha oh no! I think I had Spam once when I was a kid. I just remember that it was waaay too salty! They eat it a lot in Hawaii. You presented your argument very well here. I won't be popping a can of Spam anytime soon!
Haha I have so many bad memories of Spam
Not a spammer but I will eat treet, 😂😂
Fantastic Lamar! 😁Very humorous piece!
You are not the apple of my eye but more like the Pepto to my Bismol.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍❤️💯📝😉
Haha. This is great. "I don't like Spam."
That was funny, but completely unaware of the challenge
I have never had spam before and I'm so grateful for that! I loved your acronym! It was hilarious!
This is really dang good.
hahaha...you nailed Spam down, Lamar! This was so good, so funny and the Pepto Bismol line was so funny! Thank you for gracing this challenge of madness with your wit and wonderful mind!
I second that emotion through & through. Yuck! (And yes, mom made us eat it & I managed to keep it down.)
Hahaha “the pepto to my bismol!” That cracked me up, as did the entire piece. So good, yes I share your sentiments. It stole time from me and I can’t believe I participated in it in younger years. Great one, Lamar!
'The Pepto to my Bismol' is my favorite! I concur wholeheartedly, although I was surprised to know that Spam is a delicacy in Hawaii. I forgive the Hawaiians but won't indulge.
Oh I use to love spam but I know better now! 😂
Preach! This is the only one besides Paul’s almond milk that I strongly agree with. Dead @ “And where is your content warning?” 💀
I felt this so much, Lamar! "the Pepto to my Bismol"...🤣 Loved the expression in this! Great job! 🤗❤️